I've always thought that the idea of 'self-inserting' was more of meme insult by 'edgy boys' to criticize people who are capable of basic empathy.
Like you, I don't 'self-insert' when I read an NTR story, but if the MC is written well enough, and the story draws me in, I'll end up feeling bad for him (and consequentially, enjoying the NTR more for some reason
). In ABLU, Harry is sympathetic enough in most routes to achieve that, but it's increased by the fact that he's surrounded by genuinely shitty people: Luca, a bully from Harry's past who is infatuated with the idea of making him suffer, and Laura, a headcase who claims to love Harry, but then betrays his trust and over-punishes him for his shortcomings in almost every ending so far.
I love Laura and Luca's character designs for the NTR scenarios they create, but, outside of those scenarios, I despise them for who they are as people and naturally want to see their plans fail.
However, if you 'self-insert' (
) as either Laura or Luca because you relate to them in some way, then you despise Harry and want him to suffer more.
This expands on the conversation about people coming to NTR for different things. People who come to NTR are also
capable of different things. Personally, I'm
not capable of seeing characters like Laura and Luca in a sympathetic light. Those who
are capable of that will never be able to see eye-to-eye with people like me, nor we with them.
...Which is why I don't bother arguing much.