Yes exactly. I only would add one thing. My wife and I play, we are continually checking in on each other. We don't even think about it, we just do it almost like a reflex action. Always connecting by touch or eyesight or verbally. Its a constant action for us that we automatically do or learnt to do over the years. She is more attuned than I am, she knows what I'm thinking before I do most of the time. We want to know each other is okay, that each other is enjoying themselves, that each other is safe. Its just respectful to ourselves and each other. We put each other first. Its nothing about control. We aren't trying to control the other, we just want to make sure each other is okay.
The only time there may be 'control' is when one of us says no, then its no for both of us. That's it, no arguing its finished. We don't even ask each other why. Of course we discuss it later and things didn't start out that way in the beginning, but we learned that was the best way to do things, to trust each other because we know the last thing either of us wants to do is hurt each other. Its enough if one of us says no, we figure it is better to miss out on something we can always do again another time then to risk hurting our relationship. Its not perfect, but it works for us 99% of the time.
