- Thread starter zyzonia
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radical686
Active Member
- Nov 30, 2018
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I gotta admit the grammar and bad English make this a really a confusing sentence:
"is about you the protagonist being thrown out from home whit a past that is not completely clear."
Clearly, part of this should be written thusly: ". . . is about the protagonist being thrown out of his home . . . "
But, that's where the bad translation becomes a problem. So, do the references to "whit a past"--which I assume he means "with a past"--refer to the reasons he got thrown out of the house are unclear, or is he just unclear about other things in his own past?? Both occur in the past, so which is it?
This is why bad grammar can be a problem: Lack of effective communication. The way the sentence is written the MC doesn't know why he was thrown out of the House. But, the context is unclear since you don't usually use the word "past" to make such a reference. But, who knows, if all you care about is getting to the porn, then the story and the description of the story may not matter to you.
"is about you the protagonist being thrown out from home whit a past that is not completely clear."
Clearly, part of this should be written thusly: ". . . is about the protagonist being thrown out of his home . . . "
But, that's where the bad translation becomes a problem. So, do the references to "whit a past"--which I assume he means "with a past"--refer to the reasons he got thrown out of the house are unclear, or is he just unclear about other things in his own past?? Both occur in the past, so which is it?
This is why bad grammar can be a problem: Lack of effective communication. The way the sentence is written the MC doesn't know why he was thrown out of the House. But, the context is unclear since you don't usually use the word "past" to make such a reference. But, who knows, if all you care about is getting to the porn, then the story and the description of the story may not matter to you.
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TripleZ
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- Jun 23, 2017
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Sloopyhogwash
Member
- Aug 11, 2018
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far far to verbose.. if i wanted to read a book in bad Engrish, with horrid spelling.. this would work... not into reading 56 pages of text with every picture.. when half of it is a re-iteration of some kind.. ugh.
Marisol114
Newbie
- Mar 2, 2018
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The game looks interesting, or at the very least 'fresh'... BUT :
- That spelling. It hurts. So much. I mean, who writes ''Nariator'' of ''infackt'' and doesn't realise it when reading?
- The intro is WAY too long. I get that you're trying to build a backstory without giving too much exposition during gameplay, but that intro is plain boring. And it's even harder to read with the lack of capitalization.
- Lighting of the character is busted in the dark scene, it looks really odd.
With that said, it's the kind of game that could very easily be fixed and be a really good one. I'm curious to see where it goes.
- That spelling. It hurts. So much. I mean, who writes ''Nariator'' of ''infackt'' and doesn't realise it when reading?
- The intro is WAY too long. I get that you're trying to build a backstory without giving too much exposition during gameplay, but that intro is plain boring. And it's even harder to read with the lack of capitalization.
- Lighting of the character is busted in the dark scene, it looks really odd.
With that said, it's the kind of game that could very easily be fixed and be a really good one. I'm curious to see where it goes.
Anus Mundi
Member
- Nov 27, 2018
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Yeah....my attention decreased after the first 100 pages. Another 100 pages later i gave up. Don't get me wrong, I don't really have a problem with a whole bunch of text. But it has to be intriguing and well written. Not to mention spelling and grammar. It's like ThunderRob wrote:
Word.
- Aug 5, 2018
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Haha, looks like reading this topic, is more fun then the game it self ;-)
Just played this demo, the sex scene was funny as hell (if you cum inside) lol
Just played this demo, the sex scene was funny as hell (if you cum inside) lol
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haha thank you guys for your feadback its very apprciated. im writing this on my phobe so sorry for beaing short and the bad spelling. no i am bugfixing and proofreading right now. and it should be done whitin 2 days or so. as for the problem whit the writing/spelling i am working on it but its realy hard for. english isent my firsth languade and im on the edge of beeing dyslexic. i will rewamp the intro as that seams to be a problem whit the narriator beeing to long aswell. and i also want to state that this is a demo so i can get feadback on thibgs that need to be improved/fix before i relaese it officaly whit patches and stuff.
and patreon wise its not realy important im doing this on the side while i am at uni. so im not dependent on this to make money either way i will countine to update it. money just makes me put more time on it.
thanks for the comments and feadback!
and patreon wise its not realy important im doing this on the side while i am at uni. so im not dependent on this to make money either way i will countine to update it. money just makes me put more time on it.
thanks for the comments and feadback!
I am honestly surprised i expected the renders to not be up to standard and was prepared to work a lot more on them however now that i am looking into the script and dialog i can see where the problem lies and will try to fix it ass soon as possible.
The Panty Sniffer
Newbie
- Aug 27, 2019
- 67
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I think this has potential.
About the intro being long-winded, I only partially agree. There were some sentences that started to feel a little rambling, so I agree some of the monologuing could have been condensed, but it wasn't that bad, and the intro wasn't really too long for me as a whole.
Spelling and punctuation could certainly use an upgrade, but at least I'll say the intended meaning was pretty clear for the most part...
What I really loved, and honestly the true reason I'm here and eagerly looking forward to another update, is getting to hear Adriana's inner thoughts and how she intends to take advantage of the MC if he acts too naive. This is totally my inner femdom-loving self speaking, but I just love playing as an innocent, well-meaning guy and watching my character get seduced or manipulated without realizing it by a beautiful woman who sees the opportunity of him being easy prey for her to control or get what she wants from. I really hope that dynamic continues to get explored in the future...
About the intro being long-winded, I only partially agree. There were some sentences that started to feel a little rambling, so I agree some of the monologuing could have been condensed, but it wasn't that bad, and the intro wasn't really too long for me as a whole.
Spelling and punctuation could certainly use an upgrade, but at least I'll say the intended meaning was pretty clear for the most part...
What I really loved, and honestly the true reason I'm here and eagerly looking forward to another update, is getting to hear Adriana's inner thoughts and how she intends to take advantage of the MC if he acts too naive. This is totally my inner femdom-loving self speaking, but I just love playing as an innocent, well-meaning guy and watching my character get seduced or manipulated without realizing it by a beautiful woman who sees the opportunity of him being easy prey for her to control or get what she wants from. I really hope that dynamic continues to get explored in the future...
i don't currently have control of the post but i'm talking to the staff to get control of it so if the links break i can update them
the patreon links for the game should however work so you can head there to download the game or join discord
Im very happy you liked it and i do agree on the monologuing and im working to fix that. as for the naive seduced protagonist
i am going to put a lot of focus on the dynamic between the protagonist and Adriana and how that relationship changes depending on choices and their own goals. i really want to make it natural for someone that is ambitions to use all tools that person has available to get closer to their goal for example.1 of my main goal is to make the characters feal real like they have their own story, goals and demons.
im sorry if the answer is a bit unclear because its hard to put my thoughts into writing. but im really happy that you enjoyed it and the feedback you provided
And for a quick update i have spell checked the game too 100% and whould like to thank Sir Dammed and vi3tx for the help.
Im currently trying to work on the grammar. but its hard for dyslexia is a part of my family and im not exempt from it which is why u might see a few words missing. i have been told that i write as i speak. its not an excuse and im working on it.
and i am far from the worst scale on it so to speak compared to some of my realities im a god at writing.
Im currently trying to work on the grammar. but its hard for dyslexia is a part of my family and im not exempt from it which is why u might see a few words missing. i have been told that i write as i speak. its not an excuse and im working on it.
and i am far from the worst scale on it so to speak compared to some of my realities im a god at writing.
- Sep 7, 2017
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I do like the story/theme of the game. I like how we can play as a non goodie-goodie-two-shoes rich/powerful/taking advantage of everybody/etc.
right down my alley.
however,
right down my alley.
however,
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Right I'm very happy you enjoyed it!
now as for the feedback!
I'm mostly working on the things you have written. the things I am not working on right now is animation, gallery/replays but it is something i am interested in in the future.
I haven't given much thought about the layout of the choices for the character. for now i don't really know how to address that whit the way i have planned the branching to be, but i will figure something out.
now as for the DOM mojo, i wanted it to be more gradual. no one is gonna accept being dominated from the get go, unless the person truly dose'nt have a choice and even then they might rebel in whatever way they can. however whit time you will easily be able to truly and utterly dominate the NPC's in the game.
I have to ask tho, did you choose to "be in control" during the sex scene and "not allow it"? because that is suppose to more of the more dominant side of the spectrum.