VN Ren'Py Broken Promises [v0.34] [Light Cavalry]

[fishbrain]

Just played this one and MAN! It's good!! Please don't force relations on the MC!! That's the only thing I am nervous about. That and having to choose one eventually, I don't look forward to that! Already like several of them and haven't been reunited with little Nessa yet, meanwhile she's out slangin' and bangin' my kinda girl!

Hmm I just realized Afina isn't in the cover photo. Does that mean she's not a main LI?

 

[Skylaroo]

she's one bloody lawyer for god's sake she can verify any person's background within hours, which is quite a normal instinctive response from people who works for law enforcement,

A lawyer is not a law enforcement officer. A lawyer definitely has zero power in verifying a person's background, especially with no valid reasoning.

I don't think the problem was her past itself, but the way it was presented to us.

100% agree. The plot of LI being blackmail for nudes/sex tape is not new in AVN, but they're usually presented in a more normal way compared to here. This is where the excessive inner monologue makes the game worse because it overcomplicates things without producing meaningful gain.

Speaking about the game in more general sense, "Less is more" is very true in this case because the script of the game at the moment is full of bloated monologue/dialogue that doesn't enhance the game. Massive trimming of the script would significantly improve the game because we don't need excessive details of everything. At the moment, it feels like the game is written as if it's a book without editor so the writer ends up writing everything that they want regardless whether it improves the story or not. Video game writing should be more similar to writing a script for movie where there's limited movie length so that each scene needs to be filled with purpose.

I'll give an example. From

Spoiler: This Scene

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to

Spoiler: That Scene

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has around 100 lines. That's a massive amount of text where the scene is essentially just "oh the girls have nice car, oh Tianna called, and the girls waving goodbye from their car". There's really zero reason for such scene to require anywhere near 100 lines when the actual dialogue is only the phone call between MC and Tianna as well as a small conversation where Afina teased Alice. Yet, the bulk of the lines are inner monologue.

I definitely appreciate that the dev showed willingness to modify things with Grace, I can only hope that they would also acknowledge the issue of excessive inner monologue because I think it's a much bigger problem that actually affected the whole game rather than one specific character.

 

[SirAlexander111]

You really hate her, huh ?? Look, I see you don't like her, and I won't tell you to do it just bcz she's a gorgeous blonde with a sexy big ass, big tities and I want to give her a 2nd chance, but you missing some important facts here... first, she was young, dumb, inexperienced and prolly just wanted to have some fun when she was Benoit's mistress. Second, she STOPPED FUCKING the douche once she started dating her soon-to-be ex, Benoit's statement... that don't make her a whore and it proves my point. Third, and the most important thing, we don't know the full story behind her liaison with Benoit... maybe she was just a dumb slut who just wanted a good dicking and went along with the 'spicy' stuff as long as the bald asshole told her he loved her or paid her or kept being her sugar daddy or something like that, or maybe she fucked him a couple of times and decided to stop seeing him once she found out that he was married, but the fool recorded their sessions and forced her to keep being his bitch.

It's too soon to label her character as an 'irredeemable slut' and pointless to keep doing it, seeing as the dev wants to change her backstory into something more tame. I won't say that what she did was ok just bcz she's an attractive woman, but she didn't cheat on the MC AND she says she dealt with a lot of assholes, so I say at least that earns her the benefit of the doubt. It could be possible that she was in some shitty relationships before meeting Benoit. She had a BF when she spent time with the MC, and the guy could've been an abusive fuck or just a cheating asshole.

If you pay attention to her conversation with the french cunt, you'll see that she has 0 interest in doing the "hanky panky" with him again, and that's the funny thing. If he was that good of a pussy pounder, she should be blackmailing him into having an affair with her, not the other way around, but seeing how desperate Benoit is to clap her cheeks again only shows how much of a frustrated, insecure clown he is. He's just a Tyballs who works a 9-5 job, no serious threat for the MC.

On the contrary i actually liked her that's why the venting (I don't know how you got the impression that i don't) but certain dialogues and uneven writing keeps reminding me of how her behavior and situation handling doesn't sit well with her profession.

 

[Knight_BP]

Just played this one and MAN! It's good!! Please don't force relations on the MC!! That's the only thing I am nervous about. That and having to choose one eventually, I don't look forward to that! Already like several of them and haven't been reunited with little Nessa yet, meanwhile she's out slangin' and bangin' my kinda girl!

Hmm I just realized Afina isn't in the cover photo. Does that mean she's not a main LI?

She is mate! But we haven't updated the banner

 

[SirAlexander111]

awyer is not a law enforcement officer. A lawyer definitely has zero power in verifying a person's background, especially with no valid reasoning

Actually the point is lawyers most often than not have more deep connections or source verifiers, with some investigating officers, with some other law enforcement officials, and considering the fact that they portrayed her as one of the best in the business, it's obvious to expect such, thus she had better chance of verifying.

 

[Knight_BP]

I definitely appreciate that the dev showed willingness to modify things with Grace, I can only hope that they would also acknowledge the issue of excessive inner monologue because I think it's a much bigger problem that actually affected the whole game rather than one specific character.

We will sort that out, Ch.2 will have it toned down and we're also gonna make it so you don't read the females minds well a lot of times, but idk how we're gonna do that, we're gonna probably do it a few times but we're toning it down....Well we'll do our best XD

We'll since the demo was so short I didn't want to make this episode short. We've kind of made it too much but next chapter it should be more better we could say? We are learning as we go when it comes to this line of work, I'm still improving with rendering lol

 

[Deleted member 15555]

Thanks for the two scents, we'll figure it out and we're gonna work on Grace and we need to change her backstory obviously, but the renders are set. So we're gonna tone it way down and we are actually changing her backstory a bit. Not as my recent patreon post says we're going to release 0.11v it's gonna sort out a few issues with her as the words being toned down and her past being changed a bit, but it won't make everyone happy, but that's to be excpeted

Edit:
What I mean not everyone won't be happy, she will still have a situation, however not as bad as her being passed around to other men and moaning etc. not that shit. Like I said it was a misstep and it's our first AVN. So think about that

If you want my feedback before you release the edit and to not repeat this same situation, I can help you guys.
You know how to contact me on discord... in the end is your game and if you are happy with the content go with it, people will just find some other game to play if they don't like it, if you want honest feedback you have already many people willing to help, including me

Merry Christmas to you all

 

[Knight_BP]

If you want my feedback before you release the edit and to not repeat this same situation, I can help you guys.
You know how to contact me on discord... in the end is your game and if you are happy with the content go with it, people will just find some other game to play if they don't like it, if you want honest feedback you have already many people willing to help, including me

Merry Christmas to you all

Yeah Cheers, 0.11v is about to go live now it changed Grace's storyline and the dialouges, let me know how it is when you play it and it shouldn't be bad as before haha

 

[Knight_BP]

Okay 0.1.1 is up, once you guys get it let me know what you think with Grace, granted ch.1 still needs improvment but at least we fixed a few issues and this one. Sure she still has a problem but not as severe as she used to be where she had a dirty past

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[eddie987]

You really hate her, huh ?? Look, I see you don't like her, and I won't tell you to do it just bcz she's a gorgeous blonde with a sexy big ass, big tities and I want to give her a 2nd chance, but you missing some important facts here... first, she was young, dumb, inexperienced and prolly just wanted to have some fun when she was Benoit's mistress. Second, she STOPPED FUCKING the douche once she started dating her soon-to-be ex, Benoit's statement... that don't make her a whore and it proves my point. Third, and the most important thing, we don't know the full story behind her liaison with Benoit... maybe she was just a dumb slut who just wanted a good dicking and went along with the 'spicy' stuff as long as the bald asshole told her he loved her or paid her or kept being her sugar daddy or something like that, or maybe she fucked him a couple of times and decided to stop seeing him once she found out that he was married, but the fool recorded their sessions and forced her to keep being his bitch.

It's too soon to label her character as an 'irredeemable slut' and pointless to keep doing it, seeing as the dev wants to change her backstory into something more tame. I won't say that what she did was ok just bcz she's an attractive woman, but she didn't cheat on the MC AND she says she dealt with a lot of assholes, so I say at least that earns her the benefit of the doubt. It could be possible that she was in some shitty relationships before meeting Benoit. She had a BF when she spent time with the MC, and the guy could've been an abusive fuck or just a cheating asshole.

If you pay attention to her conversation with the french cunt, you'll see that she has 0 interest in doing the "hanky panky" with him again, and that's the funny thing. If he was that good of a pussy pounder, she should be blackmailing him into having an affair with her, not the other way around, but seeing how desperate Benoit is to clap her cheeks again only shows how much of a frustrated, insecure clown he is. He's just a Tyballs who works a 9-5 job, no serious threat for the MC.

Ok, for a moment you had me questioning myself and think that I remembered their conversation wrong, so I went back and checked it out again.

First we have the part that made me think she was past around the office:

Spoiler: drinks with the guys

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Then the "nostalgia" she seems to be feeling and her hasitation (shown by... mental stuttering) before she actually rejects him:

Spoiler: mental... stuttering

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After that we found out how much she "enjoyed" his company...

Spoiler: Her dick belongs to Benoit's pussy? Wait, what?

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*I just realised how the line "Whose pussy does yours belong to?" doesn't make any sense... My english is not the best, but I guess he was supposed to ask her to whom her pussy belongs to... I don't know. Something like that.

And finally we found out about the recordings of her with other guys too, which brings me back to the idea she was passed around the office if you consider the "fun times" Benoit mentioned they had when she started working there and used to go out for drinks with the guys. The fact that she said how she "belonged" to him and he has those recordings too suggests he was the one doing the "passing around"...

Spoiler: other men

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Of course none of those things matter, since the revised version is apparently already out, but with what we got to see, she was definitely closer to the "irredeemable slut" side than not.

 

[Knight_BP]

Of course none of those things matter, since the revised version is apparently already out, but with what we got to see, she was definitely closer to the "irredeemable slut" side than not.

Now in this storyline she was taken advantage instead of a slut

 

[Deleted member 15555]

Now in this storyline she was taken advatnage instaed of a slut

tell me is just some light sexual harassment (like some light grope or verbal harassment) and not full rape, otherwise, I don't think people will be happy with that version either

No not Rape, idk how to say it but it's basically benoit saying that Grace is his and his alone and because of her baggage, you can see for yourself when you can. But it's not as bad as the previous storyline the current storyline is better, but doesn't mean it's gonna be a disney princess story XD

So she still bangs him even though the guy is married? that won't be toning it down, guess I'm one of those that prefer disney princess stories then

 

[Knight_BP]

tell me is just some light sexual harassment (like some light grope or verbal harassment) and not full rape, otherwise, I don't think people will be happy with that version either

No not Rape, idk how to say it but it's basically benoit saying that Grace is his and his alone and because of her baggage, you can see for yourself when you can. But it's not as bad as the previous storyline the current storyline is better, but doesn't mean it's gonna be a disney princess story XD

 

[SirAlexander111]

Ok, for a moment you had me questioning myself and think that I remembered their conversation wrong, so I went back and checked it out again.

First we have the part that made me think she was past around the office:

Spoiler: drinks with the guys

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Then the "nostalgia" she seems to be feeling and her hasitation (shown by... mental stuttering) before she actually rejects him:

Spoiler: mental... stuttering

You don't have permission to view the spoiler content. Log in or register now.

After that we found out how much she "enjoyed" his company...

Spoiler: Her dick belongs to Benoit's pussy? Wait, what?

You don't have permission to view the spoiler content. Log in or register now.

*I just realised how the line "Whose pussy does yours belong to?" doesn't make any sense... My english is not the best, but I guess he was supposed to ask her to whom her pussy belongs to... I don't know. Something like that.

And finally we found out about the recordings of her with other guys too, which brings me back to the idea she was passed around the office if you consider the "fun times" Benoit mentioned they had when she started working there and used to go out for drinks with the guys. The fact that she said how she "belonged" to him and he has those recordings too suggests he was the one doing the "passing around"...

Spoiler: other men

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Of course none of those things matter, since the revised version is apparently already out, but with what we got to see, she was definitely closer to the "irredeemable slut" side than not.

A genuine question.
Did you guys (dev and team) had discussions about grace situation and it's ramifications? If so then are there any member/s who might had hesitated or doubted after? Or might have said that this might not be feasible? especially if she's going to be one of the love interest, or you all were on same page and decided to go with it?
No judgments here, it's just a question bugging me.

 

[Knight_BP]

A genuine question.
Did you guys (dev and team) had discussions about grace situation and it's ramifications? If so then are there any member/s who might had hesitated or doubted after? Or might have said that this might not be feasible? especially if she's going to be one of the love interest, or you all were on same page and decided to go with it?
No judgments here, it's just a question bugging me.

Sure I can answer this, at the start I wasn't happy with it and even my writer understood, however in time he made me understand why we were doing this, we were trying to show, no matter how bad someone can be, if they are doing better they deserve a second chance. The charachters mean a lot to me, at the start i was hesitant, hell I had anxiety attacks because they matter so much too me, but after thinking about it carefully my writer had a good idea. But unfourantely it doesn't work in the AVN community. But it was a misstep and we learned a valuable lesson from this

 

[SirAlexander111]

Sure I can answer this, at the start I wasn't happy with it and even my writer understood, however in time he made me understand why we were doing this, we were trying to show, no matter how bad someone can be, if they are doing better they deserve a second chance. The charachters mean a lot to me, at the start i was hesitant, hell I had anxiety attacks because they matter so much too me, but after thinking about it carefully my writer had a good idea. But unfourantely it doesn't work in the AVN community. But it was a misstep and we learned a valuable lesson from this

Yep, I'm sensing the genuine thought process might have went behind that one.
You people are going to be masters in vn world if you guys be able pull it off successfully, as I feel grace is the Achilles heel of this novel.

 

[Knight_BP]

Yep, I'm sensing the genuine thought process might have went behind that one.
You people are going to be masters in vn world if you guys be able pull it off successfully, as I feel grace is the Achilles heel of this novel.

We're gonna do our best, besides doing this keeps me busy and making me not do anything stupid, since I suffer from depression doing this keeps me busy and also like I said earlier my charachters mean sooo much to me, I can't even describe it, sure they are just images for you guys, but I care about them a lot, might be unhealthy but It is what it is. Thanks!

 

[SirAlexander111]

like I said earlier my charachters mean sooo much to me, I can't even describe it, sure they are just images for you guys, but I care about them a lot, might be unhealthy but It is what it is

But but that's just ntr

 

[Knight_BP]

But but that's just ntr

Well too bad, time to add NTR tag

Spoiler

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[xXwankerXx]

(I don't know how you got the impression that i don't) but certain dialogues and uneven writing keeps reminding me of how her behavior and situation handling doesn't sit well with her profession.

Like I said, we don't know the full story here, only the dev/writer knows it, and it was said many times that the script needs polishing and the writer should pay attention to how he makes his characters so ppl won't dislike them so much. For example, Grace, she's a hard-working and successful lawyer, but she refuses to be made senior partner.There's also the little blackmailing incident that makes her look really stupid. That's inconsistency, just like MC's character when it went from being a lone virgin wolf to veteran Casanova in the next sec. There should be some build up here or some rewriting coz it's not believable.

She is mate! But we haven't updated the banner

Just out of curiosity, men of culture like myself would like to know if Tessa (Afina/Athena ??'s mom) and Tianna would be fuckable. Can the MC tap those milfy asses ?? Guess Kylie is romanceable/fuckable, considering how obvious it is that her BF is cheating on her.

but idk how we're gonna do that, we're gonna probably do it a few times but we're toning it down

No problem !! Everybody makes mistakes, just make the game how you think it's best and ask for feedback. The fans will always lend a helping hand, especially when they see that they help a hard-working dev who's always looking to give his best for his fanbase.

Personally, I'd recommend you to remove just the part about the other men who fucked her. A simple "young naive woman who went through some shitty relationships fell in love and had an affair with a married guy" is enough. You don't have to make her act like a nun by covering her big tits or make her a prude... take Carli from Depraved Awakening, for example... the woman was almost everyone's main LI, AND SHE WAS A HOOKER, but we never heard how good or bad her clients fucked her and she stopped being a prostitute after the MC showed interest in her. In our case, Grace seems like she desperately needs a guy who loves, accepts and understands her, and that guy has to be the MC.

e'll since the demo was so short I didn't want to make this episode short.

Personal opinion again, but you bois should take it easy, small updates released once every 2/3 months so you can see how ppl react to those updates is a better option than longer updates released every 6/8 months, unless you have DPC's monster rigs and want to release 900+ renders every update.

with what we got to see, she was definitely closer to the "irredeemable slut" side than not.

That's past tense, and the shit about her pussy belonging only to him is just dirty talk she gets off on just like the risk of getting caught by Benoit's wife, don't take it seriously. As for her reminiscing those moments and feeling nostalgic about it, it looked to me more like she needed a good dicking again after a 5y 'drought', and just that. I read those lines, and they only prove what's already clearly stated... she herself admits she has a troubled past that makes men avoid her and her being picky about who she dates, but she isn't that kinda woman anymore. Again, it doesn't really matter coz the dev changed her backstory, so let's leave it at that, ok ??

we were trying to show, no matter how bad someone can be, if they are doing better they deserve a second chance.

Unless it's the MC turning from an asshole into a decent guy, I don't recommend doing this again. We love sluts, but they good just for fucking, not for serious relationship/marriage. And the stuff Benoit said was cherry on top of the cake. Nobody wants to hear what a woman they want to romance did with her ex(es) or how good/bad they fucked her.