RPGM Abandoned Broken Youth [Revamp v1.02] [Key']

[Key']

Just seen all of this as I’m laid in bed. I’ll address a lot of problems mentioned tomorrow.

The great thing about this is that it’s the beginning. There’s plenty of room to change things around. That’s the great thing about criticism like this, so thank you for taking the time to make issues known.

Thanks.

 

[macadam]

Both Male and Female games always have the protagonist a slut. Difference is the male virgin takes a while to lose it to one of the (usually 3+) people he's trying to lose it to. The female protagonist loses it right away.

i wont say like this.
its mostly that when its a male MC, he used to have sex "correctly" with the female.
but when its a female MC, they are no relation, no "love" , its just a slut forced to suck every dick.
thats a big difference.
as for now.. i never have seen any game with a male MC that i can consider as a slut ( aka a male MC that get fucked by female because he have no choice ). at the contrary of the amount of female MC game i can see with this in it.

 

[Zet013]

someone read this manga Metamorphosis/Emergence ??? XD

 

[HPZAT]

i wont say like this.
its mostly that when its a male MC, he used to have sex "correctly" with the female.
but when its a female MC, they are no relation, no "love" , its just a slut forced to suck every dick.
thats a big difference.
as for now.. i never have seen any game with a male MC that i can consider as a slut ( aka a male MC that get fucked by female because he have no choice ). at the contrary of the amount of female MC game i can see with this in it.

How does being forced/having no choice make female MC a slut? (Player having no choice I would somewhat understand.)

 

[ustar]

It looks good.

 

[BigWamanHunter]

How much content?

 

[satangzaa2]

I feel like it has almost the same as the doujinshi Emergence, which isn't bad because it is more dramatic style. But since we all want to fap, and not to cry, it could be problematic in long run

Except if you want to make a drama hentai, why not, it could be a new kind that nobody have (ever) done yet.

 

[Fushan]

what is wrong with you guys?
you dont like rp maker? then dont open this thread!!!!!!! or did you somehow miss the big fat "RPGM" ?
you dont like female protagonist? dont look for games that have them!
you like fem protagonists who kick ass and stay away from lewd stuff? then dont come HERE to look for that!! play damn tomb raider and shut up about it!
If I dont like it hot I wont go and dance on top of a volcano, and if I do, at least I wont be complaining about the damn temperature!!
sick of these stupid comments!

you got something to say that actually helps make the game better? I mean apart from "make a totally different game!"
constructive criticism is welcome, all the rest may stay within your mind, alright?

Spoiler

You don't have permission to view the spoiler content. Log in or register now.

 

[kazekage22]

someone read this manga Metamorphosis/Emergence ??? XD

Yeah the storyline is kinda similar after play thru the prologue, well looks like it gonna have pregnancy genre.

 

[Fabios]

You must be registered to see the links

Game is nice and start prologue is very good. All time somebody start hate game and say he don't like it don't listen them. Characters all nice and interest, start story really interesting. I really hope that you will not change the beginning.

 

[Tom10]

I love the drama between the girls! Please make more of that (girlfriends seducing/stealing each other's boyfriends to make them jealous). It feels like Gossip Girls

 

[WaltS]

Sigh...

Just endured the Prologue and I won't come back for more I'm afraid to say.
Sorry for being blunt but this game needs a lot of TLC.

I admire you @Key' for doing it and your courage to offer it up to us but there's a few things to take care of:

• First of all - the writing needs improving - right now it's tiresome to read and sounds like straight from a teenage movie, but one of the "Straight to Video"-variety... This basically starts with the premise (come on, an 18 yo that's sooo naive? Never even met one of those in Dumbfuck, KY...), continues w/ her naive view of the world (Oh, he says he loves me so I must allow him to
  Spoiler

  You don't have permission to view the spoiler content. Log in or register now.
  and lastly ends with her somewhat unbelievable parents / mom and lewd stepfather?

• GUI - shorten the transitions please (way too long), get rid off all the 'loading....'-screens, tone down that sunflare effect (it flattens the picture) and maybe improve the interface (e.g. it's not obvious you have to click on the 'P-Card header' itself to be able to chose the individual P-Cards to view them).

• Allow ppl to save in the intro - the way it is set up now (it's so slow) you have to wait approx. 15 mins before being able to save for the first time. Combined w/ the tiresome reading this might actually be too much (YMMV).

• Try to compress your installation files - 550MB for an intro like this is way to much. I actually expected more than two animations at this size ;-)

tl;dr: At this time there's too much waiting in the game (see above) for screens to change / story to progress to make it engaging and interesting.

 

[Key']

Must be one hot city with no air conditioners, everyone is always sweaty.

Likely because 360 lighting on the characters, there's no consistency with them and all look waaaaaay too bright.

I hope dev figures out how to manipulate light sources and scene+character light consistency, because having your characters display shadows as if they stand infront of a spotlight is not what I'd call easy on the eyes.

The problem with the characters is they're way too glossy. They look like they were dipped in a barrel of oil.

OLD:








NEW:





I removed the 360 lighting for one that focuses more on the left side, with a light on the front facing down. Does this look more natural?

For those who thought the glossy look was bad, is this something that you'd find yourself prefering?

More posts to come.

 

[Key']

Nice start to a game. Not sure if it is just my system but the transitions between scenes were clunky and slow.

So far so good but the slow and bright transitions are extremely annoying.

These have been to make it less of a hinderence when it's meant to make it clearer to the player what time frame the game is following.

 

[Key']

someone read this manga Metamorphosis/Emergence ??? XD

I feel like it has almost the same as the doujinshi Emergence, which isn't bad because it is more dramatic style. But since we all want to fap, and not to cry, it could be problematic in long run

Except if you want to make a drama hentai, why not, it could be a new kind that nobody have (ever) done yet.

Yeah the storyline is kinda similar after play thru the prologue, well looks like it gonna have pregnancy genre.

Yep, you'll notice this at various times during the development. Emergence is by far my favourite Doujin and a lot of inspiration for this game came from it. It will be much different, but at times you feel the similarity. It won't be as grim though, don't worry. That doesn't completely write off some bad moments coming along, afterall this is a story about the Protagonist spiraling out of control into a pit of despair... kinda.

 

[Key']

Spoiler

You don't have permission to view the spoiler content. Log in or register now.

Uhh another female mc game with slutty protagonist :'(

Both Male and Female games always have the protagonist a slut. Difference is the male virgin takes a while to lose it to one of the (usually 3+) people he's trying to lose it to. The female protagonist loses it right away.

Right. Let me make my opinion clear. Having drug induced sex with a man you just met doesn't necessarily make you a slut. This is a story about a girl who doesn't know where she fits into society. She's not naive, she has no idea how the real world works. How to really associate herself with people.

She's going to go ahead and do what she 'thinks' is right. I didn't really show it in the Prologue as it will be more apparent in Chapter One, but she's been sheltered her entire life. Silver Spoon n'all.

Finally, she won't be going around fucking everything in sight. She will be coerced by friends and her boyfriend; people she thinks she can trust, into doing things that she truly 'believes' are normal.

Hope this helps, but this is how I see it and how I want it come across to players. There will be more choices in the future to make in the game. Afterall, I aim for 7 Chapters, including free-roam ones.

 

[Key']

Sigh...

Just endured the Prologue and I won't come back for more I'm afraid to say.
Sorry for being blunt but this game needs a lot of TLC.

I admire you @Key' for doing it and your courage to offer it up to us but there's a few things to take care of:

• First of all - the writing needs improving - right now it's tiresome to read and sounds like straight from a teenage movie, but one of the "Straight to Video"-variety... This basically starts with the premise (come on, an 18 yo that's sooo naive? Never even met one of those in Dumbfuck, KY...), continues w/ her naive view of the world (Oh, he says he loves me so I must allow him to
  Spoiler

  You don't have permission to view the spoiler content. Log in or register now.
  and lastly ends with her somewhat unbelievable parents / mom and lewd stepfather?

• GUI - shorten the transitions please (way too long), get rid off all the 'loading....'-screens, tone down that sunflare effect (it flattens the picture) and maybe improve the interface (e.g. it's not obvious you have to click on the 'P-Card header' itself to be able to chose the individual P-Cards to view them).

• Allow ppl to save in the intro - the way it is set up now (it's so slow) you have to wait approx. 15 mins before being able to save for the first time. Combined w/ the tiresome reading this might actually be too much (YMMV).

• Try to compress your installation files - 550MB for an intro like this is way to much. I actually expected more than two animations at this size ;-)

tl;dr: At this time there's too much waiting in the game (see above) for screens to change / story to progress to make it engaging and interesting.

Firstly, thank you for this. It's helped me make some adjustments and they will be revealed later this week.

The writing. I'm not a native writer. I never even did well in School when it came to English. I try my hardest and compared to most games I've played from her, I like to think my writing is mountains better. That being said, I always want to improve and I will keep on improving.

I've shortened the Transistion slides duration. I'm looking into the sunflare. I think I've sussed a way out to make it appear less bright. I had this problem whilst creating the Prologue, I thought it appeared to bright at time, but didn't think people would find issues with it.

I'm looking into ways to compress my game to make the file size smaller. I'm not that savvy to know how to do it off my own back.

I'm sorry you didn't enjoy it and won't come back. At least you spent the time to write this post to help me out, thank you.

 

[macadam]

Right. Let me make my opinion clear. Having drug induced sex with a man you just met doesn't necessarily make you a slut. This is a story about a girl who doesn't know where she fits into society. She's not naive, she has no idea how the real world works. How to really associate herself with people.

She's going to go ahead and do what she 'thinks' is right. I didn't really show it in the Prologue as it will be more apparent in Chapter One, but she's been sheltered her entire life. Silver Spoon n'all.

Finally, she won't be going around fucking everything in sight. She will be coerced by friends and her boyfriend; people she thinks she can trust, into doing things that she truly 'believes' are normal.

Hope this helps, but this is how I see it and how I want it come across to players. There will be more choices in the future to make in the game. Afterall, I aim for 7 Chapters, including free-roam ones.

i find kind of funny you say she dont know how the real world work. but before she was humiliated, prostitute etc..
i though having a very hard life is the best way to learn how the real world work .....

i m curious to see where it goes, because its sound weird to me ( maybe i dont understand good, i m not english after all)


also, just saying : combining "prostitution" and "teen" didnt sound very good ( i mean, thats how its explained on the description " during her teen life"... "prostitution"...
i know that english peoples may call teen a 18yo as exempl. but, it sound a bit weird. should have used "young-adult" instead of teen. just my point of view on that

 

[Key']

i find kind of funny you say she dont know how the real world work. but before she was humiliated, prostitute etc..
i though having a very hard life is the best way to learn how the real world work .....

i m curious to see where it goes, because its sound weird to me ( maybe i dont understand good, i m not english after all)


also, just saying : combining "prostitution" and "teen" didnt sound very good ( i mean, thats how its explained on the description " during her teen life"... "prostitution"...
i know that english peoples may call teen a 18yo as exempl. but, it sound a bit weird. should have used "young-adult" instead of teen. just my point of view on that

That's the present version of herself in the Office with the Therapist. At that time she doesnt understand how the world works and how dark of a place it can be, but that's set years after the events you're seeing when she takes Dr. Dilner back to retrace her history.

The game is set over three years. She won't be rushing into anything. Chapter One is set a month after the events of the Prologue for example.

 

[Yonamous]

For those who thought the glossy look was bad, is this something that you'd find yourself prefering?

More posts to come.

I don't really have a problem with the glossy look, I was just making a joke. That said though it might ruin it for you down the line if your characters are in a situation where you need them to be sweaty, you'll have no option as they already look sweaty as is.