SOOOOOOO much potential! Maybe the dev could use an editor. I am available! Among many degrees, I have a masters in English. I am a published author of psychological thriller/horror novels. I have already aided in editing and writing one major game, and I am helping on another project right now. I do NOT charge for my services. I do it as a courtesy for the community.
Hey, dev, if you want help, shoot me a PM, and I will get on it right away. We can edit 10 - 20 mistakes at a time. After you attend to them, I will move to the next 10 - 20. It depends on how deep you want to go, though, as far as expediency. If you do not care about punctuation, but more about spelling, diction, cohesive plot, and flow, then it should move pretty fast. But if you're concerned about commas, semi-colons, and the like, it may take a little longer. However, punctuation-wise, I am a stickler about run-on sentences and nonsense like that. They make the story uncomfortable to read and hard to follow.
So anyone else who has access to the dev, in case he doesn't read this, let him know that UnfinishedSentenc will help him out. Buried Desires is an average to above average story as VNs go, and it deserves much better writing, cohesion, and flow to make it shine even better and bump it up a few notches to where it should be.