Jesus Christ, okay, I've got a few words.
There's some quality writing here. I do greatly appreciate a story like this where the main character isn't some complete horndog who slobbers all over everyone in the family with only the flimsiest token excuses for moral anguish over it.
As a preface, it's clear this family has serious issues, with an ice-cold mom and an absent father. There's no hint of what may have happened to cause our protagonist to hate Natalie (the eldest) so much, but, fuck, the man does himself no favors in the likability department. He's not a spineless dick and balls on legs, he can talk to a human being who has a pair of boobs. I can only assume he's going through a dark period in his life where he struggles with the existential pain of not knowing where to go in life, and lacking the kind of guidance and nurturing that would normally be afforded by the parents of a healthy household. That's giving the benefit of the doubt that their uncle couldn't be that person, though, which I don't know if I'm inclined to buy.
But, holy shit, I want to kill this guy. He's got, as far as I can tell, no job, no hobbies, and no shame. He's got a pet classmate whose feelings he unapologetically makes use of for his own convenience, stringing her along continually for a little more animal comfort in his idle day-to-day existence. Of his sisters, Hannah (blonde, middle sister) is supposedly his favorite, and I can see why, as Audrey (the youngest), a kind, smart, and upstanding girl, has her goodwill used and abused for his benefit while she gets kicked in the face for doing anything other than meekly cleaning up after the messes he creates. Hannah only escapes the wrath of this self-absorbed prick's total disregard for anyone other than himself because of her free-spirited puckish nature leading her to involve herself in the sort of instigation that lets him get his fists bloody. However, she's also the only one that hasn't heard of MC's intent to enlist; once that happens, I get the sense that she'll also find herself getting emotionally beaten like she's a worthless sack of shit for trying to care about him.
I trust, however, that the reasons for this behavior will eventually come to light, and that we'll get something like a redemption arc out of this cruel prick as his lashing out at those who care about him falls away. This kind of behavior doesn't belie a healthy heart, and I believe we're getting this picture now in order to break him down later.
Speaking of characters who can rub you the wrong way, Victoria. She's certainly got charm, but she's also something of a cast-iron bitch, seemingly nurturing a bit of a sex addiction as a means of dealing with her own problems, and similarly taking a cold and borderline sadistic approach in her attempt to open up Audrey sexually. It has the air of the sort of dubious "help" offered possibly in part out of some kind of goodwill, but mostly as a means of shoring up one's own assurance in themselves and their self-serving values by dragging someone else into their own vice, a bit like a crab in a pot.
However, the acrid cynicism exhibited by these characters gives me faith, ironically, that the author himself does not share in their initial, Chapter 1 mindset. Even if I am wrong and the cynicism carries all the way through to the end, there's still a certain artistic value to it and the writer's literary ability to awaken such strong emotion and so deeply reflect the kind of existential anguish that is all too common in the postmodern 21st century world we've come to inhabit. There's an authentic artistic integrity to it that I can respect even if it will make me sick to witness, if that's the direction it continues in--or so the impression I have received from this brief single chapter has given me in my tendency to optimism.
In any case, it was worth a write-up from me, which is not something I'm often inclined to do. Bravo, Mimir's Lab; I applaud the effort you put forth towards composing a meritable work in a genre of fetish smut that is so often given to mindless cliches in order to skip to the action. Thank you, and I hope to see more in the future.
There's some quality writing here. I do greatly appreciate a story like this where the main character isn't some complete horndog who slobbers all over everyone in the family with only the flimsiest token excuses for moral anguish over it.
As a preface, it's clear this family has serious issues, with an ice-cold mom and an absent father. There's no hint of what may have happened to cause our protagonist to hate Natalie (the eldest) so much, but, fuck, the man does himself no favors in the likability department. He's not a spineless dick and balls on legs, he can talk to a human being who has a pair of boobs. I can only assume he's going through a dark period in his life where he struggles with the existential pain of not knowing where to go in life, and lacking the kind of guidance and nurturing that would normally be afforded by the parents of a healthy household. That's giving the benefit of the doubt that their uncle couldn't be that person, though, which I don't know if I'm inclined to buy.
But, holy shit, I want to kill this guy. He's got, as far as I can tell, no job, no hobbies, and no shame. He's got a pet classmate whose feelings he unapologetically makes use of for his own convenience, stringing her along continually for a little more animal comfort in his idle day-to-day existence. Of his sisters, Hannah (blonde, middle sister) is supposedly his favorite, and I can see why, as Audrey (the youngest), a kind, smart, and upstanding girl, has her goodwill used and abused for his benefit while she gets kicked in the face for doing anything other than meekly cleaning up after the messes he creates. Hannah only escapes the wrath of this self-absorbed prick's total disregard for anyone other than himself because of her free-spirited puckish nature leading her to involve herself in the sort of instigation that lets him get his fists bloody. However, she's also the only one that hasn't heard of MC's intent to enlist; once that happens, I get the sense that she'll also find herself getting emotionally beaten like she's a worthless sack of shit for trying to care about him.
I trust, however, that the reasons for this behavior will eventually come to light, and that we'll get something like a redemption arc out of this cruel prick as his lashing out at those who care about him falls away. This kind of behavior doesn't belie a healthy heart, and I believe we're getting this picture now in order to break him down later.
Speaking of characters who can rub you the wrong way, Victoria. She's certainly got charm, but she's also something of a cast-iron bitch, seemingly nurturing a bit of a sex addiction as a means of dealing with her own problems, and similarly taking a cold and borderline sadistic approach in her attempt to open up Audrey sexually. It has the air of the sort of dubious "help" offered possibly in part out of some kind of goodwill, but mostly as a means of shoring up one's own assurance in themselves and their self-serving values by dragging someone else into their own vice, a bit like a crab in a pot.
However, the acrid cynicism exhibited by these characters gives me faith, ironically, that the author himself does not share in their initial, Chapter 1 mindset. Even if I am wrong and the cynicism carries all the way through to the end, there's still a certain artistic value to it and the writer's literary ability to awaken such strong emotion and so deeply reflect the kind of existential anguish that is all too common in the postmodern 21st century world we've come to inhabit. There's an authentic artistic integrity to it that I can respect even if it will make me sick to witness, if that's the direction it continues in--or so the impression I have received from this brief single chapter has given me in my tendency to optimism.
In any case, it was worth a write-up from me, which is not something I'm often inclined to do. Bravo, Mimir's Lab; I applaud the effort you put forth towards composing a meritable work in a genre of fetish smut that is so often given to mindless cliches in order to skip to the action. Thank you, and I hope to see more in the future.
