Only thing bothering me with this translation is excessive use of hyphens. Wait, actually the repeat of some words like "meat-pole" and "meat-head" bothers me too, once or twice is absolutely fine, but when the same words are used again and again I get hung up on it. All the use of hyphens is the editor's choice and not really incorrect (for the most part), but I find it reads worse. Outside of that, I do enjoy it and it's really great to actually get proper, well done translations.
That said, thanks a lot for the translation and looking forward to more! Do Alice please, that game is so underrated and filled with fun fetishes.