Absolutely beautiful Art in this thing
Carrotsteam
Get someone to proof-read the dialogue and it will sound more natural. Writing requires a strong foundation. Good luck!
But you are also describing Greek mythology, and the popular books, comics and movies inspired by them. There are tropes we've seen countless times before, but that doesn't make a story bad. The development of the characters and plot is key.
It's important to build intimacy between characters--or establish a relationship, maybe--if you want the audience to be invested in how their relationship could grow or change. That would be stronger writing. But female desire is optional.