VN RPGM Ren'Py Chronicles of Hell and Heaven [Ch. 2 Act. 1b] [Kazuki-chan]

[Tsusaku]

The second chapter has only RPGM version?

 

[Tomoki69]

The second chapter has only RPGM version?

Yes, and the Ren'py version of Ch.1 is still incomplete. (Only 35% of the content present in the RPGM version.)

 

[skyrfen]

ChroniclesOfHellAndHeaven-CH2A1bRPGM

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[gabich69]

Super excited to play that update Is there a save in the game folder at the beginning of this new update?

 

[Kazuki-chan]

Super excited to play that update Is there a save in the game folder at the beginning of this new update?

This is my save game. From the end of the previous update.

(This time, I recommend replaying the game from the beginning as there have been minor changes to the game.)

Just extract and paste the "Save" folder into the "www" folder.
I hope you all enjoy the update. <3

 

[rai1230]

hi
what is difference between Ch.1 Act 1 and chap 1?

 

[Kazuki-chan]

hi
what is difference between Ch.1 Act 1 and chap 1?

There are two versions of Ch.1. The RPGM version and the Ren'py version. The RPGM version is complete. The Ren'py version is in development. (Only 35% complete)

 

[Knucklenaut]

I've seen RPGM devs realize their mistake and rebuild their game in renpy but this is the only one I can think of that devolved.

"Renpy is just too easy to use and has too many good features. Time to fuck my own shit up in RPGM."

 

[Tomoki69]

I've seen RPGM devs realize their mistake and rebuild their game in renpy but this is the only one I can think of that devolved.

"Renpy is just too easy to use and has too many good features. Time to fuck my own shit up in RPGM."

Don't talk shit you don't know. He just hasn't fully switched to Ren'py yet because he would have to ABANDON an ongoing project. He decided to finish the current project in RPGM and then continue using just Ren'py.

 

[Knucklenaut]

Don't talk shit you don't know. He just hasn't fully switched to Ren'py yet because he would have to ABANDON an ongoing project. He decided to finish the current project in RPGM and then continue using just Ren'py.

Yessir, a choice that entirely doomed the game. Go look at the graveyard of abandoned games that have mixed engines and 100 different download links. People open a game to check it out, see that shit, and promptly NOPE. Its a shame too because there was a LOT of potential with this one. Dude came out the gates swinging then suddenly just shot himself in the dick.

 

[single_guy_from_au]

Yes, a new update!

Thank you for you hard work - Kazuki-chan

 

[Furnox]

1) Yes, this will be possible in the future.
2) I don't know yet, but I'm loving writing about a female protagonist, and I think Kaeno is a better written character than Bartho, so I think there will be more female protagonists in the future.

I hate it

 

[linus.quotes]

Nice update, Kazuki-chan , and yeah, I fucking hate that Alya (or Anya, I forgot, sorry) girl for cheating on the contest and making Kaeno sad, but I believe that'll make sense for the sake of the story.

And yeah, I'm already used that you doesn't care that much about what people will think of your writing choices, hats-off for you for that.

 

[KailowFD]

Chapter 2 is very good. But I miss a badass villain to spice up the game. Ch.1 had Mephisha, a very controversial character, we hated her, but she is still a good character. I miss a villain to make Kaeno's life hell like Mephisha did with Bartho. But it's a different story, with a different proposal. Ch.1 is so good that I wish Ch.2 was the same. Well, this is just the beginning of the story, I hope the next events make the game a little more spicy.

 

[longjohngold]

I've seen RPGM devs realize their mistake and rebuild their game in renpy but this is the only one I can think of that devolved.

I don't think that's what's happening here.
That said, while I'm not sure if he still plans to the Deviant Anomalies dev was sadly intending to go ren'py->rpgm. Winter Warmth went from renpy to this horrid buggy Gadot (?) thing. At the back of my mind I think there was some game that went from ren'py to unity, but can't think of which it is.

 

[Darth_Meow_504]

My impressions, I'll concentrate on the bad since there's not much of it and correcting these issues would really catapult your project to a high level of quality and bring out its true potential for success. Please understand that my overall opinion of your game is quite positive and you've done far more right than wrong, so please take this as constructive criticism.

• It seems obvious English is not your first language, as you have a strong grasp of plotting, worldbuilding, and characterization but your dialogue and other text is frequently clunky at best. Your characters all seem to speak in similar ways using similar choices of words and idioms and such, when they should have their own style of speech that is as distinct as they are. The sex scene dialogue is particularly rough and there's way too much repetition of ohs and ahs and cringey porn lines and "awwn" which is something I've never heard in English yet all your characters use it. It would be good to cut a lot of the excess sex scene dialogue and replace it with narrative description, less is more when it comes to that sort of thing. As an erotic fanfiction writer myself, I know that sex scenes are among the hardest thing to get right and the text portion of your sex scenes are honestly your greatest weakness as a writer that I've seen. If you do nothing else, rework the sex dialogue and trim it down and you'll vastly improve your game.
  
  Honestly, I would suggest if possible to get someone who's a good writer with a native grasp of English to polish your text as it's really the one thing holding this back from being seriously great.
  
  
• You have clearly done very extensive worldbuilding in the setting and have quite the cast to explore and showcase and that is a very good thing. I personally am a sucker for good worldbuilding and a good cast and you've got that going in spades. However, you also have a lot of information and content packed into a rather short overall runtime and it's going to be overwhelming for a lot of players. I mean you have an entire cosmology and set of world metaphysics to bring us up to speed on, three worlds (hell, the human world, and heaven) to lay out for us, and a wide cast of characters and significant power players with roles to play in the plot. The material is quite good, but there's a lot to memorize in a relatively short time and a lot of people are going to find it tough.
  
  First thing I would suggest is trim your cast somewhat, or at least save some for later chapters. For example there are a ton of villagers in the first area that seem to be there simply to provide a sex scene and little bit of fluff interaction and play no further role in the story. I can't remember most of their names or most of what their particular defining characteristics were and primarily the important minor roles seem to be the teacher, the innkeeper, the mother daughter pair who serve as a connection to the second chapter, and the woman who vows vengeance on Bartho thinking he killed her son and the little girl. There were just too many names and sets of details to memorize and I lost track of who is who pretty quickly. I say if you're not going to cut some of them out, mark them as optional side characters there for sex fluff so we know to not try and memorize them instead of keeping our primary focus on the characters who matter.
  
  Similarly, there are a lot of demons and such and some of them at least seem superfluous. Again it's a lot to memorize and keep track of, and I don't recall all of them for the same reason I don't remember all the villagers --there are too many of them who don't get enough screen time to make an impression. There's the girlfriend, the sister, the ex girlfriend, and the antagonist who play a major role, but there's also for example Melty and a red demoness who both have the same goal of seducing Bartho in order to learn something from him and unless they both become important later for different reasons they should be merged. Or, since the red demoness really doesn't do much in the content we've seen you could save her introduction for later when she becomes important to the story.
  
  None of these are bad characters, mind you, but when it comes to introducing a large cast it's important to take it slow and introduce them a few at a time or perhaps an initial batch and then one or two additional characters at a time to expand slowly once the player has had time to absorb the initial ones. Think of it like building a house, lay the foundation and solidify it before adding on the rest of it at a manageable pace.
  
  Another thing that would be helpful is to add a codex in the menu or something that has basic information about characters, locations, the major events that have taken place thus far, etc that the player can refer to whenever they're trying to recall something or they want to review what they're supposed to know in order to solidify their grasp. These entries should be concise and just cover the important need-to-know facts, more brief summaries than comprehensive knowledge. The more detailed stuff can go in the fan wiki!

Beyond those issues, which are relatively minor and the kind of thing that typically gets tightened up and polished in later drafts and an editing process, there is very little not to like in what you've presented. The setting is intriguing and well constructed, the characters are compelling, the visual designs are enticing, and the plot is complex and well constructed. The main villainess in particular has the "love to hate" quality a good antagonist thrives on and you've done an excellent job of making her origins sympathetic and her reasons understandable while her actions based on them have been unforgivable. That's a tough balance to strike, and such a villain when done right as you have is storytelling gold.

I'm definitely looking forward to more of this story, and I hope my advice from one writer to another can be helpful in getting your work to the next level of excellence it has all the potential to achieve.

 

[Kazuki-chan]

My impressions, I'll concentrate on the bad since there's not much of it and correcting these issues would really catapult your project to a high level of quality and bring out its true potential for success. Please understand that my overall opinion of your game is quite positive and you've done far more right than wrong, so please take this as constructive criticism.

• It seems obvious English is not your first language, as you have a strong grasp of plotting, worldbuilding, and characterization but your dialogue and other text is frequently clunky at best. Your characters all seem to speak in similar ways using similar choices of words and idioms and such, when they should have their own style of speech that is as distinct as they are. The sex scene dialogue is particularly rough and there's way too much repetition of ohs and ahs and cringey porn lines and "awwn" which is something I've never heard in English yet all your characters use it. It would be good to cut a lot of the excess sex scene dialogue and replace it with narrative description, less is more when it comes to that sort of thing. As an erotic fanfiction writer myself, I know that sex scenes are among the hardest thing to get right and the text portion of your sex scenes are honestly your greatest weakness as a writer that I've seen. If you do nothing else, rework the sex dialogue and trim it down and you'll vastly improve your game.
  
  Honestly, I would suggest if possible to get someone who's a good writer with a native grasp of English to polish your text as it's really the one thing holding this back from being seriously great.
  
  
• You have clearly done very extensive worldbuilding in the setting and have quite the cast to explore and showcase and that is a very good thing. I personally am a sucker for good worldbuilding and a good cast and you've got that going in spades. However, you also have a lot of information and content packed into a rather short overall runtime and it's going to be overwhelming for a lot of players. I mean you have an entire cosmology and set of world metaphysics to bring us up to speed on, three worlds (hell, the human world, and heaven) to lay out for us, and a wide cast of characters and significant power players with roles to play in the plot. The material is quite good, but there's a lot to memorize in a relatively short time and a lot of people are going to find it tough.
  
  First thing I would suggest is trim your cast somewhat, or at least save some for later chapters. For example there are a ton of villagers in the first area that seem to be there simply to provide a sex scene and little bit of fluff interaction and play no further role in the story. I can't remember most of their names or most of what their particular defining characteristics were and primarily the important minor roles seem to be the teacher, the innkeeper, the mother daughter pair who serve as a connection to the second chapter, and the woman who vows vengeance on Bartho thinking he killed her son and the little girl. There were just too many names and sets of details to memorize and I lost track of who is who pretty quickly. I say if you're not going to cut some of them out, mark them as optional side characters there for sex fluff so we know to not try and memorize them instead of keeping our primary focus on the characters who matter.
  
  Similarly, there are a lot of demons and such and some of them at least seem superfluous. Again it's a lot to memorize and keep track of, and I don't recall all of them for the same reason I don't remember all the villagers --there are too many of them who don't get enough screen time to make an impression. There's the girlfriend, the sister, the ex girlfriend, and the antagonist who play a major role, but there's also for example Melty and a red demoness who both have the same goal of seducing Bartho in order to learn something from him and unless they both become important later for different reasons they should be merged. Or, since the red demoness really doesn't do much in the content we've seen you could save her introduction for later when she becomes important to the story.
  
  None of these are bad characters, mind you, but when it comes to introducing a large cast it's important to take it slow and introduce them a few at a time or perhaps an initial batch and then one or two additional characters at a time to expand slowly once the player has had time to absorb the initial ones. Think of it like building a house, lay the foundation and solidify it before adding on the rest of it at a manageable pace.
  
  Another thing that would be helpful is to add a codex in the menu or something that has basic information about characters, locations, the major events that have taken place thus far, etc that the player can refer to whenever they're trying to recall something or they want to review what they're supposed to know in order to solidify their grasp. These entries should be concise and just cover the important need-to-know facts, more brief summaries than comprehensive knowledge. The more detailed stuff can go in the fan wiki!

Beyond those issues, which are relatively minor and the kind of thing that typically gets tightened up and polished in later drafts and an editing process, there is very little not to like in what you've presented. The setting is intriguing and well constructed, the characters are compelling, the visual designs are enticing, and the plot is complex and well constructed. The main villainess in particular has the "love to hate" quality a good antagonist thrives on and you've done an excellent job of making her origins sympathetic and her reasons understandable while her actions based on them have been unforgivable. That's a tough balance to strike, and such a villain when done right as you have is storytelling gold.

I'm definitely looking forward to more of this story, and I hope my advice from one writer to another can be helpful in getting your work to the next level of excellence it has all the potential to achieve.

Hello. Thank you for your review. You really pointed out things that really need to be improved. Ch.1 of Chronicles of Hell and Heaven was my first story, I am working with a writer who sends me the entire script with everything that will happen in the story. I write most of the dialogue and do all the visual work. As I said, Ch.1 was my first work, it is FULL of issues. Everything you said, EVERYTHING is correct. When I started writing we had a lot of ideas, I was eager to put them into practice, and this was my biggest mistake, I didn't know how to deal with all these ideas and ended up doing everything too quickly. And this resulted in these problems that you already mentioned.

Time has taught me many things, and I am trying to correct these issues in Ch.2. Is there still much to improve? Yes! VERY MUCH! But I'm learning. I will not rewrite Ch.1, as it is already finished, even with all the errors, it is what it is. My focus is on Ch.2 and doing my best to not make the same mistakes from now on. Everything you said is gold and I will use it to make Ch.2 MUCH better than Ch.1. Thank you very much for all these tips, you can be sure that I will use this to improve the quality of my game. <3

I noticed that most of your criticisms were directed at Ch.1. But I would like to hear your opinion on Ch.2, which is my current project. I eagerly await your response. Thank you <3

 

[Darth_Meow_504]

Hello. Thank you for your review. You really pointed out things that really need to be improved.

Time has taught me many things, and I am trying to correct these issues in Ch.2. Thank you very much for all these tips, you can be sure that I will use this to improve the quality of my game. <3

I noticed that most of your criticisms were directed at Ch.1. But I would like to hear your opinion on Ch.2, which is my current project. I eagerly await your response. Thank you <3

I'm glad my words were taken as the constructive criticism and in the positive tone I intended them.

I do think it's a shame if you won't be able to find the time to clean up and trim some excess from Chapter 1, as it is the first impression people are going to get of your work and if they don't stick with it to the point where it improves they will miss out on when it gets really good. Worse, you'll lose some players that could have become supporters or at least fans. I would recommend at least trying to find time every now and then to just clip out the repetitive lines from the sex scenes if nothing else and then make an update when it's finished whenever that happens to be.

I didn't have much at all in the way of criticism for Chapter 2, it's true that as you said you've made great improvements as a writer between the time you began and the time of C2. It definitely shows, the difference is night and day. There's really not much to say there except that I'm really liking it on pretty much every level and I'm looking forward to more. I'm hooked on these characters and their story and am very much on board for their journey!

 

[Black Moon]

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Wait, what?! Graphic Violence?!?!?!?!?

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[Dark Prince 19]

Kazuki-chan Wow just concluded chapter 1 of your game and the plot turned out to be pleasantly more than what expected, was a bit hesitant due to RPGM tag but can say that also on that front did not receive any problems as the interface was very smooth. The main antagonist wow she is damn well written, she was able to invoke pure emotions of hatred towards her. Although a bit disappointed when read they all will make a reappearance only till chapter 5 as really want some payback done to her, as she escapes entirely unharmed. So the conclusion felt bitter as her actions are extremely evil and felt immediate justice might be done onto her but apparently there's going to be an interval of 3 chapters between that , so it feels a bit longish. Though purely on the merit of the game along with the plot and other quality things it promised right in its description matched with an intriguing plot is a treat. So despite that conclusion of Chapter 1 have to say its a nicely made game so kudos for that!

Thanks for reading Dev, best wishes for ahead