Low expectations always recreate the best in people, right? See, I know you've played adult games with a male protag before. Almost every one of them will at some point have a female chracter bend over or fall down or something, and give you the option to stare just a little too long... and if you get caught you're usually chastised for it. There are exceptions, but this is the norm for a reason.
I did this before with the list of games which have "positive male characters" outside of the MC, made you think of this game in the context of its contemporaries, because there is a shared language and culture to the way these games are made.
So, in that context, what does it mean when the dev goes out of their way to show Brad being unable to focus on Alex and the conversation, without his mind and eyes drifting to her secondary sexual characteristics?
Your respons is essentially:
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But if that's how you see it, you're not operating in the language and culture of the games you're playing. Because the game is criticiziing this. It wasn't here to say it's normal or ok. It was here to dramatically point out how much Brad wasn't seeing Alex as a real person, just as an object to satisfy his lust.
The terms "relationship" and "dating" are quite loaded, and therefore their meaning varies wildly by context.
You and I are in a relationship, believe it or not. That relationship is "online acquaintance". We don't know one another's real name, we aren't even sure of where one another live. But we share a community of sorts, that being this forum, and so we interact.
The relationship, within the text of the game, between Brad and Alex, isn't much different than yours and mine right now. The shared community is in meat space though, so that does increase the intimacy by a relative magnitude. They've had conversations, and been friendly enough to one another that Chris and Zoe picked up on it, but Alex's own behavior seems to indicate that they haven't invested much into this emotionally so far. Most of that is because they're waiting for the other shoe to drop. Remember, Alex is going into this with massive trauma about how society at large has received her. Brad could be just like everyone else. Why should she get her hopes up?
So, either friendly acquaintances or distant friends is how I'd define their relationship going into their first date.
Now, the term dating is also loaded and contextual in use. Dating applies to "has been on a couple of dates", but it also applies to "committed partners". In context, the sentence "Alex and Brad are dating" while true, would be a lie of omission. It implies a much more significant context, and by not clarifying the insignificance of having only been on 1 date by the time the second one is going on, and it was ruined, both by Kevin's sudden appearance, and Brad making an ass of himself with the unsolicited kiss and groping. Their second date was, at least for Alex, a second chance at the first date.
She even said as much when talking to Chris about it. That she felt like the only reason she came out of it with any positive feelings was the shared trauma of bullying. There wasn't anything that Brad revealed about himself that made her more interested, and there wasn't enough time for her to judge any sort of sexual inclination.
You just love putting your foot in your mouth don't you? Do you often "assure" women that you know better than them?
1 in 7 women have been injured by a romantic partner. For comparison, 1 in 25 men have been injured by their partner.
So women, in general, are much more careful with their selection of partners than men are, because they're in much more danger.
But specifically, trans women... 1 in 10 face violence just for being trans, annually. So this is every year, not just in their lifetime. And half of those, are perpetrated by their romantic partner. So every year, more trans women are assaulted by their partner, than men are in their lifetimes.
So when I go looking for a relationship with a man, I'm not really looking for a man's advice on what would be more successful.
In my case, if you're not 110% down with trans folk, we're not dating. I am not gonna.. how'd you put it... "ease you into accepting it".
Also... when it comes to men... my type, is the bottom who trembles if I put any timber into my voice and say their name. So, this barely applies to me anyway.
Science doesn't define what a woman is. Society does. What science has done is show that statistically speaking, people society deems women are more likely to have xx chromosomes.
However, science also tells us that there are more intersex people out there than there are redheads. And when I say redhead I don't just mean the celtic variety that gets fetishized these days. I also mean every person of every ethnic background who presents with that coppery pigmentation to their hair. So think of every female person that fits that description you've ever seen. That's less than the number of women you've likely seen who do not have xx chromosomes. Some have xxy. Some have xy, some don't even have two.
And of those women, many if not most can have children.
Also, plenty of women with xx chromosomes cannot have children, and that's not even getting into the idea that what you're suggesting therefore means that post menopause a woman is no longer a woman.
See, by implying that what makes a woman a woman is a functioning womb, what you're doing is reducing womanhood to the function of breeding. And that's about the most misogynistic thing you can do.
So no... neither chromosomes nor the ability to be bred, are necessary functions of womanhood. I know that primary school education teaches these things... but that's because we don't teach the details to everyone, we just give them the broad strokes. It's in higher education that you end up having to unlearn a lot of these simplistic definitions so that you can actually see the truth.
Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa... entail? No. That's not what I said. I said entitle. This is what AAVE speakers would call "telling on yourself."
And for that matter, it doesn't entail sex either. A good relationship does require communication, and clarity on the topic of sex. However, I've had some really good relationships with asexual people. So I can, without any doubt, say that sex isn't essential to a relationship.
Now, before you try and flip that communication requirement on me, I'm gonna stop you and remind you that they had 2 dates. The first one was a bust, and even still, Alex attempted to communicate, and instead had to prevent an unwanted sexual advance. At this point, Brad is the one who hasn't clearly communicated what he wants. He wants sex, and he wants it now. He's not interested in getting to know Alex on a deep personal level. He wants to fuck her.
So one party has attempted to be more clear with their intentions and been stopped, as the other party who is not being clear about their intentions violates any concept of consent.
And the second date is even worse in that regard.
But communication takes time, it takes effort, and how much you communicate is dependent on where in the relationship you are... Alex has not violated this principle. They're attempting to communicate, getting silenced, and then forced to lash out.
And you have spent several comments making Brad out to be the victim because she doesn't communicate.
You have low expectations of people. And that's clear from the first thing in this list of responses we're going back and forth on.
I, on the other hand, have really high expectations of the people who are in my life. And this goes well beyond trans issues. I generally expect not just tolerance, not just acceptance, but anti-bigotry, from the people who are allowed in my life.
So, lets talk about that... first, I expect a stance on bigotry that isn't simply "I'm against it and think everyone should be treated well" but goes beyond that to "I will actively fight against it and put myself in harms way if I have to, in order to defend the victims of bigotry". I'm using bigotry as a catch all term, because I don't simply hold this standard on trans issues or queer issues as a whole, or even womens issues. I hold this stance on ableism, on racism, on anti-semitism, etc etc etc.
Second, I expect people to educate themselves, or, when presented with new knowledge, to be open to learning. Frankly, if I didn't expect this of people, you and I wouldn't be talking, I'd just ignore you. I am fully aware that most of us are ignorant to the struggles of people who face different vectors of oppression. Having grown up in an extremely sheltered cult, I have had to do a lot of learning since becoming an adult and leaving that sheltered world. It takes time and effort. But I expect everyone to do this to the extent of their ability.
Third, I expect people to help others as they can, especially those who are in the most need, due to the problems brought about by bigotry. The percentage of the homeless population who are able cisgenderd heterosexual white men is far lower than the general population, because the people facing the most issues that might lead to homelessness are the people who are missing any or all of those adjectives. Veterans make up a significant portion specifically because of disability. This help, of course, is relative to ability...
Lastly, I expect those who fuck up, to accept that, and change. If you are learning that some of the shit you think is reasonable is actually just a form of bigotry that society has spoonfed you through media and conversation since before you were even really capable of making informed decisions, then I expect you to adapt and change, and do better. I expect you to make amends if that hurt someone, of course, making amends requires consent of the other party, so more I expect you to make the attempt and then accept if they are unwilling.
These are my expectations of people. Sure, a lot of people right now won't meet those expectations... but do you honestly think I'm gonna date someone who can't?
So yeah, at the level I'm expecting from people, nothing should change if you start dating a trans person. Because you were already actively fighting against the Kevins and the Brads you see in regular life. The only change is that now trans people aren't a vague group, they're represented by your partner.
I really wish you guys would stop this. You don't have the life experience to draw on to make any of these things we're talking about real. To you, it's a conceptual exercise. You're trying to apply your knowledge of the world and what seems fair to these concepts in your own sanitized understanding of them, separate from any sort of reality.
Your positions aren't "unpopular" they're wrong.
But because to you, it's just concepts with no real world consequences, you can't accept that, so you behave like it's an ideological difference, a debate, where you have your position and I have mine. But it's not. This is my actual life. And not up for debate. You don't get a say in any of this. Because it's not you who is affected by it.
By invoking respect and this concept of unpopular positions, you're doing what is known as "appealing to civility". However, the things you are saying, due in large part to ignorance, are not respectful. They're harmful. And you act like anyone responding to that lack of respect, that harm, is being uncivil in response. You are wrong.
I have not called you a name at all. I did imply you were a Brad. But that is because Brad is an avatar, he's not an actual person. People who are "brads" may not exhibit all the characteristics Brad does, because Brad is meant to be a wide range of people.
So when I call the character Brad, in the game, a queerphobic dickbag, that doesn't translate to me calling you a queerphobic dickbag. That would require that you also behave as Brad does when confronted with the trans reality of their date, and the mere fact that you're playing this game, at least to me, suggests that this isn't actually a big problem for you.
This doesn't mean, however, that you aren't ignorant to the realities and complexities of trans existence, and thus should probably stop treating this like a debate and start unlearning the socially programmed queerphobia you still have.
But as far as I'm concerned, you're not a queerphobic dickbag. You're just a little lacking in knowledge and don't know when you're supposed to stop debating and start learning.
