I'm a little curious as to the specifics behind the general dislike/hate for The Observer.
I think Observer has a bad habit of trying to tell 100% of the story. Engaging storytelling tells half the story and leaves blanks for the audience to fill. This allows us as the audience to personalize a story by adding elements from our own imagination, and makes it easier to visualize ourselves in the scene or to empathize with what characters are feeling. This also speeds up the pace of writing, because the audience doesn’t need a task analysis on common tasks like how a character made their peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Telling all of a story slows the pace and can actually take an audience further out of the scene despite the wealth of information they’re being provided.
I also think Observer’s narration is out of place. I’ll break down Gwyn’s tummy rubbing scene as an example.
She just looks so happy and content... ah.
Keeping one hand on Gwyn's shoulders, you reach out for her tail once more. She wags the fluffy white thing as she senses your touch on it, but you don't stop there, following its length up to its base and cupping the full, supple roundness of Gwyn's tush. The wolfess draws a sudden breath — perhaps it's surprised, perhaps it's not — at the feel of your palm smoothing down the soft fluff and fur of her ass. Plenty of fat, as befits a young lupine lady of breeding age... and muscle underneath there from hard work, too.
"I don't sit around that much for my butt to start hurting, but feel free to massage that too if you feel it'll help."
Oh, it'll help. It'll always help. A shiver runs down Gwyn's spine as you trace two fingers down its length, one from between her shoulderblades, the other from the base of her tail.
In this first paragraph, the narrator’s pausing to emote, “… ah”. Not only does this elongate the time spent in the moment, but it tries to provoke the audience to share a particular reaction. Did you “ah"? I didn’t ah.
In the second paragraph, the narrator’s speculating, “Perhaps [her breath is] surprised, perhaps [her breath is] not”. Again, the time spent on the thought of Gwyn’s surprise is elongated, and although Gwyn’s reaction is an important part to the action in the scene.
The third paragraph is great. It’s pure character.
The fourth paragraph begins, “Oh it’ll help. It’ll always help”, which is one
It’ll always help more commentary than was needed to understand the implication. Again, we’re being forced to linger on a moment more than was necessary, and it’s revealing more about the author than the author’s characters.
A narration style and pace like this has its place, but I think it feels out of place in CoC2. For one, it doesn’t match the other authors’ submissions in voice, pace, etc. which causes it to stand out. I also think it’s better suited to a visual novel or something where the author has more control of the protagonist--or where the narrator
is a character. There’s enough agency in CoC2 that it stands out when the narrator tries to take control of every step of the protagonist’s inner monologue. And that's why I think word economy and narrative voice are the reasons why I think Observer tends to match badly with audiences.
