- Thread starter 7767
- Start date
anything else I need to fix found some color issues and that's getting annoying every time I fix em something reverts gotta fix the whole lot of em
- Sep 1, 2017
- 384
- 785
I believe you misunderstood the video. There's no problem with having the images included with the HTML in subdirectories. Likely they were explaining that the capitalization of the directory and filenames have to match on Linux and Mac, because unlike Windows, those OSes are case sensitive when it comes to that.
Since you're using the SugarCube story format in Twine, you can take a look at
You must be registered to see the links
which shows how to use images as local files in Twine. (Click "Jump to Start" in the UI bar to see other Twine/SugarCube sample code.)Good luck with your game!
"Dam I had the queen of fairies and didn't shag her. Dam I wish I was alive right now."
-Elizabeth, your ancestor from the colonial times.
"Wow Elizabeth, lol it is nice to know my ancestor was a perv too."
-Actual quote from the game.
I really like the fetishes and just the general idea of the game. Unfortunately, the dialogue is beyond comical and the plot progression is extremely rushed. If I had to suggest one thing, I would say that mom and sis should not start the game already sexually involved with the MC. They should be charmed or enslaved later when you start unlocking the power.
Also, you really need to fix the way Elizabeth talks. She is someone from from like the 1700s, but talks like a 12 year old internet troll.
-Elizabeth, your ancestor from the colonial times.
"Wow Elizabeth, lol it is nice to know my ancestor was a perv too."
-Actual quote from the game.
I really like the fetishes and just the general idea of the game. Unfortunately, the dialogue is beyond comical and the plot progression is extremely rushed. If I had to suggest one thing, I would say that mom and sis should not start the game already sexually involved with the MC. They should be charmed or enslaved later when you start unlocking the power.
Also, you really need to fix the way Elizabeth talks. She is someone from from like the 1700s, but talks like a 12 year old internet troll.
This, very much. played the 0.3 demo, took me 3 days to get through the content because ALL the language was very childish. I can (mostly) ignore the incorrectly used cases like 'your/there' instead of 'you are' & 'their'; but proper usage of punctuation and grammar are essential, especially in a game that is based upon text.
Before the dream, there nearly wasn't any grammar and punctuation at all. During the dream, grammar and punctuation was being used way too much, such as this:
Lastly, if writing inside quotations as if someone were speaking, never EVER use acronyms such as 'wtf' or 'ikr' like Cali was using within a few pages of escaping. Or how in one of the later dreams, and it's being explained how nobody likes "watching as family is ntr in front of them". Not to mention it's not ntr (PC hasnt fucked sister... yet, therefore Deen can't be cucking the PC).
Overall, while the story seems much like a case of fellow Twine game A Spell For All, the childish writing really requires review and overhauling to bump this game into a playable state. Might check back in a few months to see how things have progressed.
- Jul 5, 2017
- 483
- 769
So i am going to maybe a bit blunt and honest, but please take it as constructive critisism.
Some things to note, the story seems to go at a break neck pace, right of the start it takes of fast, and causes you to lose focus of it not long after. There should be some pauses, breaks or rest moments between situations.
Also, for a MC who has no knowledge of magic, he/she seems way to fast at getting the hang of it. The whole conjuring a fireball only a few pages in, sort of breaks the immersion. It also seems out of place, cause there is no background set that explains the MC having these abilities/magic. This all causes the story to feel unhinged and a bit of a chaotic mess.
My advise, dont start with the whole abduction as the starting point of your game, start further back and give a slow intro into who the MC is, including there discovery/potential magical abilities.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Now grammar wise you probaly realise a few mistakes here and there. There are a few cases of using phonetic similar words like too or two for the wrong reasons, like for examples: (ps: these arent from the game itself btw)
There are two apples.
I want that too.
In these cases the words in red sound the same if you speak them, but the meaning is different. Ive noticed a few instances where you intermix these a few times.
Try running all the text you write through a programs like Microsoft Word. It will help with both getting spelling errors and how to structure a sentence down better.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Again, dont take this the wrong way. The game has a good posibility to become fun and entertaining to play, and i myself am not perfect at english either (probaly made a few errors in writing this too). Good luck with the project, and dont get discouraged by my or anyone else his/her comments.
Some things to note, the story seems to go at a break neck pace, right of the start it takes of fast, and causes you to lose focus of it not long after. There should be some pauses, breaks or rest moments between situations.
Also, for a MC who has no knowledge of magic, he/she seems way to fast at getting the hang of it. The whole conjuring a fireball only a few pages in, sort of breaks the immersion. It also seems out of place, cause there is no background set that explains the MC having these abilities/magic. This all causes the story to feel unhinged and a bit of a chaotic mess.
My advise, dont start with the whole abduction as the starting point of your game, start further back and give a slow intro into who the MC is, including there discovery/potential magical abilities.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Now grammar wise you probaly realise a few mistakes here and there. There are a few cases of using phonetic similar words like too or two for the wrong reasons, like for examples: (ps: these arent from the game itself btw)
There are two apples.
I want that too.
In these cases the words in red sound the same if you speak them, but the meaning is different. Ive noticed a few instances where you intermix these a few times.
Try running all the text you write through a programs like Microsoft Word. It will help with both getting spelling errors and how to structure a sentence down better.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Again, dont take this the wrong way. The game has a good posibility to become fun and entertaining to play, and i myself am not perfect at english either (probaly made a few errors in writing this too). Good luck with the project, and dont get discouraged by my or anyone else his/her comments.
iCorruption Through Magic and Science [v0.04] [Ajlee7385]
Ok first I have told everyone right off the bat numerous and I mean numerous times that I have very low grade reading comprehension level I am trying but I can only work inside the vocabulary I know. I used Grammarly pro version went through each text should have fixed a lot of that don't know why it didn't.
As for the childish writing i honestly really do not what to say i honestly thought I was writing a very cool story with very real adult themes trying to be funny while at the same time trying to serious I will try to work on that
Ok first I have told everyone right off the bat numerous and I mean numerous times that I have very low grade reading comprehension level I am trying but I can only work inside the vocabulary I know. I used Grammarly pro version went through each text should have fixed a lot of that don't know why it didn't.
As for the childish writing i honestly really do not what to say i honestly thought I was writing a very cool story with very real adult themes trying to be funny while at the same time trying to serious I will try to work on that
Ty man I aprreicate the honesty. I think the fast pace thing is party do to the fact that I was trying to keep people interested.
And party because this game is based of the company and a spell for all and adam and gaia I really want people to be able to walk around interact with stuf spend energy find things. I am trying I just cant get the coding to work for it. I am only 1 week into this kinda thing. I am hering both here and hypnotic collective people are saying stretch the story out so ill will give it some thought and try to figure out how to do theat. I really wanted a set of going to and office corruptions one person working you way up the list till you control whole office. again for that i need to be able to get the dam coding stuff to work I'm just not there yet. I do ty for playing and hope you do try again at some point
I just opened the game link in chrome besides loading a little slow the images seem fine must be somtin on your end sorry
- May 21, 2017
- 529
- 282
Yo. Just to let you know. If you add the character image into the Images folder can you also Change the Link to the character's image in-game to that folder Directory? I mean when i Play the trans story with saving Dakota offline the ancestor and the 4th daughters images appear broken since their image links take us to a website. When i reconnect to then net those images load fine.
just woke up ill check it out and yeah I know I can but like I told somone ealier yes I can set it up to use images directly from directory. but I don't know how to change it so mac and Linux users will be able to play. which is why I use the internet links
Last edited by a moderator:
- Aug 22, 2016
- 1,299
- 1,770
I know its currently set to use online images. Like I've said before When I created this game it was from watching a tutorial video which said if I set them from images download folder mac and Linux users wont be able to play. now if someone's willing to tell me how to do change it so that linix and macs can read the files 2 I will gladly do that. but as of right now onless you play online cannot see the images
- Aug 22, 2016
- 1,299
- 1,770
look im sorry people keep asking the same thing. its not personal I'm new to this and I am trying to figure all this stuff out but I am trying I just hate repeating myself Im sorry snapped at you.