3.60 star(s) 18 Votes

AdultAndi

Member
Game Developer
Mar 26, 2022
123
292
Curvy Milfs and fashion business, many intersting actions in changing rooms are coming :love:
Awesome looking Milfs!
mc is even handsome, he is most good looking mc in this month, damn weirdo. he should be ugly like other male mcs:KEK:;)
lots of actions are coming indeed...Thank you for playing my game
have a nice day ;)
 

AdultAndi

Member
Game Developer
Mar 26, 2022
123
292
Very nice start to the game! I really like the neighbor and especially boss's wife. Looking forward to see what the boss's wife does, she is giving off dominant vibes and I just love that! To the dev, congratulations on the game!
Thanks you for your nice words it means alot to me...
i hope you a good times with my game in the future updates... and boss's wife especially hhh
have a good day ;)
 
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AdultAndi

Member
Game Developer
Mar 26, 2022
123
292
Future Tags? Maaaaybeeeee Cheating? Harem?

Edit: Some quick initial comments:
...The MC's office looks like one for a private detective...complete with the folders and plaques. The guy is a fashion designer so the setting should reflect that so as to project some aspect of realism. It also doesn't match the rest of the company.
...If you are going to be developing an English Language game, get a competent person to read your script/dialogue. Do not only use Google Translate (or some other similar package). Native English speakers do NOT speak like that. Having to read such dialogue becomes jarring, frustrating and extremely annoying. Sometimes it's contradictory...e.g. if something is "too heavy" it generally means you cannot lift it, not "I got it..."
...Be consistent. A lot of the initial script deals with the MC's thoughts (him essentially speaking to himself). Nothing wrong with that but it may be advisable to maybe put it in italics or brackets (which you eventually did) so that it comes across better as an internal monologue.
...There are SEVERAL gaps in your story e.g. how does he know that the girl on the train is "an innocent virgin"? Or how does he initially know that Andrea is married? How does he know she is having marital problems? Why doesn't he know about the boss's trip? He works every day, so why does he tell the secretary he's just chilling?
...Aaaand your animations need to sync with your monologue.
{spoiler}
first thank you for playing my game and giving me these advices...they are the best
- about the tags...yes harem and cheating are in the future updates
- mc office : will try to do my best to change a little bit of its general look
- english : Unfortunatelly english is my 3rd language and I am struggling with the grammar and phrases but will do my best in next update...to be honest with you i cant hire an english guy to read my script for now but will see about that later...
- about the MC's thoughts : they are only in first version...i want the player to find out how my mc is thinking and how to react to others....i know there is a lot of times he is thinking but will fix that soon
- about the gaps : "an innocent virgin" it was the first impression of that character....she might not be a virgin...who knows ?
"Andrea marital problems" : She was talking about her family and she mentioned her daughter then she suddenly becomes silent thats why the mc thought there might be martial problems...thats all of it
"boss's trip" : Mc is not working every day he said that he works only when they call him and sometimes they dont call him in a month !.... so he didnt know about the trip

finally ,thank you again for these opinions and advices I will save them in my notes and definitely will read them again and again
have a wonderful day brother ;)
 
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Aristos

Forum Fanatic
Dec 28, 2017
5,047
15,214
Hi dev, is French your mother tongue by any chance?

Anyway, I loved the curviness in these girls. Usually, when I read "curvy" in this type of games I fear that's a euphemism for "fat" but in this case they had really sexy curves. Juicy meat to their bones, love handles, fun bags..., a paradise for men of culture.

The story though... Firstly, please, find someone to help you with English. On this site there's a section where you can get in touch with native speakers who will be happy to help. I'm not even a native speaker of English, but I felt uncomfortable reading some pieces.

Secondly, I don't know how to put it, but many of the situations and interactions made no sense.
As someone pointed out, his office looks weird. The train is not a train, it's a small living room.
He lives in the countryside where there's literally "nothing to do" but we never see the nature, just the city. If it's gonna be like that, you could just have said he lived in the suburbs. There was no need for him to live in a place that is never shown.

Why does Andrea's daughter get so angry at him and call him a creep? They didn't even talk on the train. You just wanted to set her up as an antagonist from the beginning, but the solution you found was poor.

And well, I could mention a few more things, like the silly "Catholic quarter" of the city where there are girls dressed like nuns who then work as baristas dressed in skimpy clothes, and whose dads are some sort of Catholic priest (which is impossible or they'd be forced to quit priesthood). If it's a strange cult, you should not imply that they are Catholics. Catholic priests are called priests (not preachers) and can have no offspring or get married.

Finally, sex with Jayden herself was too fast. She seemed like and interesting girl, yet she has sex the second time she speaks to the MC. If you wanted to put sex in the first chapter of the game, there should have been a way to find a secondary girl or something, but a main LI like her, a primary romantic focus of the game, should not be treated so lightly. It was too rushed.
 
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AdultAndi

Member
Game Developer
Mar 26, 2022
123
292
Hi dev, is French your mother tongue by any chance?

Anyway, I loved the curviness in these girls. Usually, when I read "curvy" in this type of games I fear that's a euphemism for "fat" but in this case they had really sexy curves. Juicy meat to their bones, love handles, fun bags..., a paradise for men of culture.

The story though... Firstly, please, find someone to help you with English. On this site there's a section where you can get in touch with native speakers who will be happy to help. I'm not even a native speaker of English, but I felt uncomfortable reading some pieces.

Secondly, I don't know how to put it, but many of the situations and interactions made no sense.
As someone pointed out, his office looks weird. The train is not a train, it's a small living room.
He lives in the countryside where there's literally "nothing to do" but we never see the nature, just the city. If it's gonna be like that, you could just have said he lived in the suburbs. There was no need for him to live in a place that is never shown.

Why does Andrea's daughter get so angry at him and call him a creep? They didn't even talk on the train. You just wanted to set her up as an antagonist from the beginning, but the solution you found was poor.

And well, I could mention a few more things, like the silly "Catholic quarter" of the city where there are girls dressed like nuns who then work as baristas dressed in skimpy clothes, and whose dads are some sort of Catholic priest (which is impossible or they'd be forced to quit priesthood). If it's a strange cult, you should not imply that they are Catholics. Catholic priests are called priests (not preachers) and can have no offspring or get married.

Finally, sex with Jayden herself was too fast. She seemed like and interesting girl, yet she has sex the second time she speaks to the MC. If you wanted to put sex in the first chapter of the game, there should have been a way to find a secondary girl or something, but a main LI like her, a primary romantic focus of the game, should not be treated so lightly. It was too rushed.
{Spoiler}
Thank you for these notes
my native lang. isnt french too.. about the english mistakes i will be happy if i find someone on this site to help.. will search for someone
about some scenes: the train i should render an image to show it from outside..yes thats good point also the MC's town should be shown too , the reason i did not show it yet because its too heavy (even 32gb of ram couldnt handle it without struggling)
About Andrea's daughter....at this point you cant discuss about the character without knowing too much about her...Its just the first version i will show her personality clearly later...
And the biggest problem is the catholic square...its just a secondary story (if i said its right) I dont have too much for it and if you call it priest there is no problem for me to change it(I dont see it as a big deal)
About the sex with Jaylen...Until now I dont see her as Main character....And yea i had to put some sex in the first version just to not make people hate me hhhhhhh
Yes thank you again...As I always say Im still learning form nice people like you
have a good day
 
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Aristos

Forum Fanatic
Dec 28, 2017
5,047
15,214
{Spoiler}
Thank you for these notes
my native lang. isnt french too.. about the english mistakes i will be happy if i find someone on this site to help.. will search for someone
about some scenes: the train i should render an image to show it from outside..yes thats good point also the MC's town should be shown too , the reason i did not show it yet because its too heavy (even 32gb of ram couldnt handle it without struggling)
About Andrea's daughter....at this point you cant discuss about the character without knowing too much about her...Its just the first version i will show her personality clearly later...
And the biggest problem is the catholic square...its just a secondary story (if i said its right) I dont have too much for it and if you call it priest there is no problem for me to change it(I dont see it as a big deal)
About the sex with Jaylen...Until now I dont see her as Main character....And yea i had to put some sex in the first version just to not make people hate me hhhhhhh
Yes thank you again...As I always say Im still learning form nice people like you
have a good day
Thank you for your kind reply.

I'm curious now: if Jaylen is not a main character, who will be the main female characters in the game?

BTW, I just want to say that in my opinion the sexiest and most beautiful of all girls is Marvilla :)
 
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AdultAndi

Member
Game Developer
Mar 26, 2022
123
292
Thank you for your kind reply.

I'm curious now: if Jaylen is not a main character, who will be the main female characters in the game?

BTW, I just want to say that in my opinion the sexiest and most beautiful of all girls is Marvilla :)
Marvilla ,Andrea,MC those for sure
Amanda(The secretary) and Jaylen not sure yet
New characters (2 maximum) will be added to the mains too (I made some flexbility to the story to let the fans decide which they love most)
And yea i think Marvilla is hot but let me tell a secret she is not my favourite hhhhh
 

Aristos

Forum Fanatic
Dec 28, 2017
5,047
15,214
Marvilla ,Andrea,MC those for sure
Amanda(The secretary) and Jaylen not sure yet
New characters (2 maximum) will be added to the mains too (I made some flexbility to the story to let the fans decide which they love most)
And yea i think Marvilla is hot but let me tell a secret she is not my favourite hhhhh
Thank you!

Your favourite is Andrea, that's obvious :HideThePain:

OK, I'll be looking forward to the second episode to meet more curvy beauties.
Keep having fun while you work on it! (y)
 
3.60 star(s) 18 Votes