4.80 star(s) 6 Votes

anedwcan

Active Member
Sep 25, 2017
588
845
Regarding the ep:

I know Dob is trying, but he really lacks the ability to write in any special sauce into his scripts. It's always the same token one or two lines of reluctance, and then all hesitation and all clothes are gone. Dob really should consider lifting scripts from better porn, since his own writing is lukewarm and unimaginative at best.

It could be soo much hotter...

For instance:

- stop lowering the barriers to infidelity! In this case, this "Pat" is an asshole. Another girl's husband is a pathetic schlub. One girl is even completely single and free.

It is much hotter if the girl does not have good reasons to be unfaithful, so stop giving her any!

- make the black men more cocky (no pun intended) and assertive
- stop waiting for permission - actively overwhelm the girl with your manliness. (NOT suggesting rape. Google "Kiara Lord Franco Roccaforte" and watch an excellent example of how the man can manhandle the girl without being an asshole or a creep)

- make a much bigger deal out of the girl's naked body
Jaded pornstars get naked without hesitation, and far too many can't wait to get naked. It's much hotter if the girl plays coy or otherwise resists being disrobed. Google "Irina Bruni Fashion Shoots and Money Shots" for an excellent example of hardcore porn that still avoids feeling jaded or routine.

- make a much bigger deal out of the giant cocks and make a deal out of the "pregnancy scare" at all


While Dob's technical quality is steadily improving, his scripts are so murderously mediocre... They're still at the level of the minimum effort needed to connect the three sex scenes.

---

The series where Mia is on vacation is probably his most ambitious writing, and even there Mia has zero doubts, zero regrets. That series would have been ten times hotter if Mia actively attempted to resist temptation, and if she didn't have the obvious excuse of having a cartoonishly schlubby and clueless husband.

Journalist Rachel also fails to fulfill any potential. First off, there's no conflict here. Why can't she fuck whomever she likes? Add a boss that's blackmailing her with evidence of her sluttiness! Even though she really should say no to these black men, she somehow always ends up taking gallons of cum up her unprotected snatch! And now she is forced to humiliatingly fuck her black boss as well...

Amanda's hottest episode was already in ep 2, when she still didn't accept herself as a black cock slut. But that story was lifted wholesale from Stormbringer's very cool story "The Wife and the Black Gardeners 2" where the wife and the husband alternates between shock, indignation, and sluttiness, so... (Amanda 6 gets a special mention, simply because the camera angles where Amanda dancing at the club.)
 

doctorbp

Newbie
Sep 17, 2020
15
18
Regarding the ep:

I know Dob is trying, but he really lacks the ability to write in any special sauce into his scripts. It's always the same token one or two lines of reluctance, and then all hesitation and all clothes are gone. Dob really should consider lifting scripts from better porn, since his own writing is lukewarm and unimaginative at best.

It could be soo much hotter...

For instance:

- stop lowering the barriers to infidelity! In this case, this "Pat" is an asshole. Another girl's husband is a pathetic schlub. One girl is even completely single and free.

It is much hotter if the girl does not have good reasons to be unfaithful, so stop giving her any!

- make the black men more cocky (no pun intended) and assertive
- stop waiting for permission - actively overwhelm the girl with your manliness. (NOT suggesting rape. Google "Kiara Lord Franco Roccaforte" and watch an excellent example of how the man can manhandle the girl without being an asshole or a creep)

- make a much bigger deal out of the girl's naked body
Jaded pornstars get naked without hesitation, and far too many can't wait to get naked. It's much hotter if the girl plays coy or otherwise resists being disrobed. Google "Irina Bruni Fashion Shoots and Money Shots" for an excellent example of hardcore porn that still avoids feeling jaded or routine.

- make a much bigger deal out of the giant cocks and make a deal out of the "pregnancy scare" at all


While Dob's technical quality is steadily improving, his scripts are so murderously mediocre... They're still at the level of the minimum effort needed to connect the three sex scenes.

---

The series where Mia is on vacation is probably his most ambitious writing, and even there Mia has zero doubts, zero regrets. That series would have been ten times hotter if Mia actively attempted to resist temptation, and if she didn't have the obvious excuse of having a cartoonishly schlubby and clueless husband.

Journalist Rachel also fails to fulfill any potential. First off, there's no conflict here. Why can't she fuck whomever she likes? Add a boss that's blackmailing her with evidence of her sluttiness! Even though she really should say no to these black men, she somehow always ends up taking gallons of cum up her unprotected snatch! And now she is forced to humiliatingly fuck her black boss as well...

Amanda's hottest episode was already in ep 2, when she still didn't accept herself as a black cock slut. But that story was lifted wholesale from Stormbringer's very cool story "The Wife and the Black Gardeners 2" where the wife and the husband alternates between shock, indignation, and sluttiness, so... (Amanda 6 gets a special mention, simply because the camera angles where Amanda dancing at the club.)
Quite agree.
 
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sinsokira

Member
Dec 13, 2018
223
190
He should do a user story or literotica or a re-imagining of something from the old illustrated interracial. With the old genitalia he used to use.
his earlier stuff was better like with amanda, earlier she felt bad for cheating then it becuase a full on dont care, then the others was no real story behind them, no regrets, nothing. Now its to the point the BBC are so big its ridiculoud. if he wants to keep making the genitals that bigger why not just ahve the girls sleep with horses. What he needs to do is step back, rethink some things, Go back to the old size of genitals. Make story of the women become seduced, reluctent and feel bad after cheating.

i think he is starting to fall into the patern most other artists fall into. I just hope he relizes soon that what he is doing is not working out for the best
 
4.80 star(s) 6 Votes