The writing has some weakness, but it's definitely not a lazy effort. Maybe try to ease into the changing tones a bit, rather than switching back and fourth on a dime. I like that there is an effort made to match the music with the tone of the text, but it also exacerbates the feeling that the game is changing tones abruptly. Maybe find a slightly neutral sounding tune for the usual stuff, and use that cheerful ass music only when things are actually really goofy/silly/happy.
I think you might have tried to fit in too much in a rather short first release. We have no real time to identify with the MC. He had a real hard time with the mom, but all we really see is her telling us to wash the dishes lol. Sure, we can get behind the idea that she has been a distant and cold mother. But then, the MC moves out and immediately has this hopeful outlook on life. Alright, I don't really care about you at all yet, but good luck, MC. I'll root for ya. Then we have some nice talks with the bro (great character btw). Getting emotional with the "I love you, bro" stuff comes and goes rather abruptly again.
Layla seems quite rushed as well. It plays out kind of like a one night stand after a bar hook up, but actually they were introduced and went on kind of a semi date. It's a bit weird why she would fall for the MC immediately, because they hardly exchanged any words lol. She obviously found his looks attractive, but she also says that he is a good person or something and the cuddle after sex seems too intimate for their relationship so far.
To emphasize one point from all this, I'd say that the dev should really consider if the intended emotion of a scene is being delivered correctly to the audience. I think the tone is shifting way too rapidly for any of it to really sink in. Heartfelt moments take some set up and build up for it to reach the intended effect.
For example, the talk with the brother at the coffee shop fails to hit the mark because it just comes and goes too fast. One moment they are just shooting the shits with the cheerful music, then the sad music comes up with the talk about mom. Then we go right back to cheerful music and joking around.
Imagine a different set up. Maybe the brothers are sitting in the backyard with a few beers and catching up. They joke around and reminisce about their childhood. Remembering some good times. And then it can naturally flow to some of the harsher memories. Maybe the big bro protected the MC from mom's antics. They would probably get emotional and such here. Then bro can talk about how mom has faults but she is also a tragic figure. He convinces MC to talk to her. Then they break the tension with some jokes, and the scene ends shortly after with a far shot from behind, with the 2 bros sitting side by side under the starlight.
Anyways, I still found the first release to be on the enjoyable side. Good luck on the game. Just take this text dump as constructive criticism.
