- Nov 1, 2017
- 4,278
- 9,231
This thread includes one of the more thoughtful and introspective conversations about poly and ethically non-monogamous relationships on the site. There is some amount of misapprehension in the conversation but that is to be expected because even in western countries there is a strong tradition and bias toward monogamy. This actually forces people toward deception of their partners rather than mutually opening a relationship. I've had three relationships in my life that could accurately be described as either polyamorous or ethically non-monogamous. I'm not going to share unsolicited details but if someone is curious about how this lifestyle works in practical terms or the challenges involved I am available to answer these questions. I will say straight out that having this kind of relationship is not a solution to problems between people in a relationship and can be fraught with many of the same problems experienced in a monogamous relationship. Sometimes, when you are with the wrong person you are just with the wrong person. Sometimes you end up seeing multiple wrong people. One of the things that I am pleased to see in the thread is that people are making the distinction between a fantasy of poly/enm and the lifestyle that people actually follow in real life. Also, there is an understanding that deceiving and cheating on your partner is actually the opposite of the lifestyle and that can accurately be said to be caused by the shame and mistrust between partners. Cheating is totally avoidable and the product of a belief that the outward appearance of a monogamous relationship is the only thing that will make them acceptable to society. When only that facade is valued people can adopt the attitude that what their partner doesn't know can't hurt them. Nothing can be further from the truth.
