- Jul 13, 2021
- 126
- 114
Dude, keep this story going. I love it. You made the sex scene be story coherent. The characters really believable. I know this is an adult game, but please keep it story centric, as you have got me hooked.
- Thread starter MoonlightDevCorp
- Start date
- Aug 31, 2018
- 6,429
- 24,263
gripes first, since i'm pretty much writing them while i play:
1. "mens" doesn't exist in the english language, as far as i know. 2. i presume you're not a native speaker. the conversation flow is quite good but you tend to mess up parts of the grammar and add sentences that usually get added to theater plays or novels. a visual novel, unfortunately, is neither, since you can just show it all. best example i can give is meeting the girl next door. "hello, girl next door". "the" in this situation feels out of place. same of the answer. i could go on with quite a few sentences. 3. word of warning to those that might play this on the go as i just did: some conversations will make you nauseous if you're moving. the conversation after the funeral, where it switches scene from one sentence to another is the best example. 4. you may wanna give that fremch poem/song another crack at translating it. just saying.
that's about it for the critical side. blame my overbearing teachers that wouldn't let you graduate 8th grade (middle school) without a cambridge advanced degree. the joy of being from a (former)communist country.
now for the good/great part:
1. great chemistry between the characters. doesn't feel forced or dragged on. sure, their background stories could use a little more work (i'm a perfectionist, sue me) but for the amount of content you got so far, it's actually very good. 2. i rarely see people use the married/soulmates best friends trope and for good reason. i presume you have some real life inspiration for it!? 'cause otherwise, you're a bloody genius! 3. this is both good and not so good. while the concept of heightened speed as a superpower is great (instead of strength, or w/e), you may wanna change how it's perceived. your heart doesn't speed up but slows down from your own perspective. it's something most soldiers and athletes go through in extreme situations (fights or high stakes competitions). your heart rate only speeds up when you go for strength. also, try blurring the images a bit. it's how it actually manifests, since the human brain isn't used to perceiving over 200 fps. the execution of the power, though, is top notch. for the character to only perceive everything as slowing down and only for a little while, explains far more than maybe even you intended. same for the reaction of the MC when he realizes it. well done! well done, indeed!
sorry if some of my gripes seem a bit nonsensical. i tend to analyze everything by comparison to my own life experience and expectancies (expectations). so, yea, i can come across as rude or ill-intended. i do apologize for that.
1. "mens" doesn't exist in the english language, as far as i know. 2. i presume you're not a native speaker. the conversation flow is quite good but you tend to mess up parts of the grammar and add sentences that usually get added to theater plays or novels. a visual novel, unfortunately, is neither, since you can just show it all. best example i can give is meeting the girl next door. "hello, girl next door". "the" in this situation feels out of place. same of the answer. i could go on with quite a few sentences. 3. word of warning to those that might play this on the go as i just did: some conversations will make you nauseous if you're moving. the conversation after the funeral, where it switches scene from one sentence to another is the best example. 4. you may wanna give that fremch poem/song another crack at translating it. just saying.
that's about it for the critical side. blame my overbearing teachers that wouldn't let you graduate 8th grade (middle school) without a cambridge advanced degree. the joy of being from a (former)communist country.
now for the good/great part:
1. great chemistry between the characters. doesn't feel forced or dragged on. sure, their background stories could use a little more work (i'm a perfectionist, sue me) but for the amount of content you got so far, it's actually very good. 2. i rarely see people use the married/soulmates best friends trope and for good reason. i presume you have some real life inspiration for it!? 'cause otherwise, you're a bloody genius! 3. this is both good and not so good. while the concept of heightened speed as a superpower is great (instead of strength, or w/e), you may wanna change how it's perceived. your heart doesn't speed up but slows down from your own perspective. it's something most soldiers and athletes go through in extreme situations (fights or high stakes competitions). your heart rate only speeds up when you go for strength. also, try blurring the images a bit. it's how it actually manifests, since the human brain isn't used to perceiving over 200 fps. the execution of the power, though, is top notch. for the character to only perceive everything as slowing down and only for a little while, explains far more than maybe even you intended. same for the reaction of the MC when he realizes it. well done! well done, indeed!
sorry if some of my gripes seem a bit nonsensical. i tend to analyze everything by comparison to my own life experience and expectancies (expectations). so, yea, i can come across as rude or ill-intended. i do apologize for that.
- Jan 1, 2021
- 155
- 575
Thanks a lot for the feedback!
I'll answer in the same order ^^
1 - 2 : Yes, I'm not english native speaker. I've got some help from two proofreaders, but I can always have more help, if you're interested (join my discord if you wish)
3 : I wanted the scene visually dynamic, because it's a long scene and with a lot of people so... But I agree, please, sit down before play!
4 : The english translation is one of the 3 official translation (It's a Baudelaire poem, so it has his "own" officials translation) for this poem. I'm not 1 per cent good enough in english to be able to translate a poem, especially Charles Baudelaire
1 : Their stories will of course grow and be more detailed with the time you'll pass with them ^^
2 : I wanted my story be a more "adult" story, and in adult life, your bestfriend begin to be married, and with luck, some of them can be soulmates
I have this luck in my own couple.3 : There is a good reason for the heart beating with the power, but this will be more explain when the hero will begin to understand his power. And for the 200 fps : let's talk about it in a looot of chapter
- Aug 27, 2020
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- Jan 1, 2021
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Hello, yes, when (if?) I figure out how and what to export for it. I don't have a mac to test so it's a lot more complicated to be honest...
- Aug 27, 2020
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you can always go for the dead friend after a hard mission and well ....sometimes shit happendsHello, in the game, the hero is a kind hero, so no, he'll not steal his bestfriend's wife.
But if a lot of patreon would like it, I've already begin to think to a spin-off where playing Greg, so...
- Jan 1, 2021
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Poor Greg, it's just the first chapter, and already some people want him dead to get her wife!
well yeah for me sheila is the only one i really interested so no spin off for me i want interracial
- Jan 1, 2021
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Ah, sorry but I prefer to be honest : Greg is for Sheila and Sheila is for Greg...
- Nov 25, 2020
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Don´t change that
But its hard not to f**k her but it is always hard for "Harem" lovers when there is an other guy. Maybe you could turn Greg gay? That would work just fine 
- Jul 31, 2017
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I hope it stays that way as well, and you don't cave to those wanting you to change it. The mindset of some people is just way too over the top.
"Hey Greg, I'm gonna need you to divorce your wife. I just can't stand the sight of my best friend finding happiness. I know I'll have a harem of other girls, but they mean nothing to me unless I have your wife. If you don't divorce her, I hope you die later or magically turn gay so I can have her any ways. Thanks friend!"
Really guys? There's going to be plenty of other fish in the sea. One unobtainable one isn't going to ruin everything.
- Apr 26, 2020
- 12,029
- 27,775
I agree with you 100% but god damn Sheila is hot
Maybe a dream about her to give us something
- Jul 31, 2017
- 1,496
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Hell yeah she's hot lol.I agree with you 100% but god damn Sheila is hot
Maybe the dev could do like some other games do and have lewd unlockable images or something like that. Like card hunts in the images (ooo a donut). They could get their fill of her that way instead of adding something out of character in the story for her.
- Mar 19, 2022
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This.... really looks Interesting and promising. Will wait for the the second release, and depending on update frequency i will support on patreon.
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- Jan 1, 2021
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Topic uploaded with the new APK (Thanks a lot to Brandy!) and with the mac version too with the beta test of Holmster74
- Jan 1, 2021
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- Jan 19, 2020
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Good afternoon. Here's a couple more teasers before I sit down later tonight with a glass of Crown and actually run through the VN.SanchoMod... maybe, we'll see. Blame Wolf™ for my initial rough porting prep work... it's his damn fault
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Fully toggle enabled WT choice. Use the VN original or SanchoMod's dynamic ChoiceGuide on the fly:
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- Jan 1, 2021
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Have fun with the game and Thanks for the mod! ^^ Hope you'll enjoy GS!
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