- Thread starter Eva Kiss
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- Dec 4, 2017
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Eva needs to be a slut, Ashley needs to be single, then encourage Dave to break up with Eva and then seduce Dave during the painting session. From there it's just up to choices and is fairly straight-forward.
- Aug 19, 2018
- 550
- 1,766
Thanks. I knew all this, except that for a threesome, Eva had to be a sexfriend.
- Aug 19, 2020
- 21
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- Apr 21, 2020
- 136
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Dear Miss Eva Kiss,
I've been on a quest to find quality VNs be it lewd or not and most of times consider Katawa Shoujo to be the pinnacle of writing in VNs, anyway here's my thoughts on your work which I hope you'll consider as constructive criticism.
To procure so many options that lead to variable outcomes is surely a joy to behold, indeed this wasn't mass effect level but how can I compare your work and it in this case, that'd be an injustice though ONLY to a certain extent! The spectrum that provides options from being an angel to a...(I didn't get all the 'bad girl' part so I dunno how depraved Ashley can be) I won't write much about the choices presented to the player but there is something that irks me, that's the writing which to me is paramount, more than anything else whether art or music. Like I said I didn't especially come to get off of any game but just watch how much people can give when they submit to their passion which I felt was present to a degree in your work gladly and that's why I'm here writing this (kinda) review. It is said that the depths of the ocean holds many treasures and sights that hide in darkness, there isn't much to be found in a shallow ocean but even if the ocean was small yet not shallow it could hold a great sum of wealth within it.
I found that though your writing presented choices, what really mattered was the depth that they gave. Ashley's overview of things, her simplification of interactions and some questionable conclusions that she reached without prior indication of how she reached on them baffled me a bit, so much so that when I thought I was starting to enjoy the story my suspension was broken a few times but in the end I finished it. It was only in the later parts that the choices made me seem I was not controlling her life options rather listening to her story which wasn't the impression I had got first. I'm sure as even the simplest mind individual has the most strange and vivid thoughts that may seem indefinable at first glance can be simply put together in words by a seasoned writer. A great example would be my favorite author R.K. Narayan, Malgudi days is a good work that you may read some day.
So to sum it, I felt a lack of depth within the choices, an insight in the mind of Ashley/protag. as to what she thought of what she chose and why she chose so, which seems a humongous task with all the varied option one could take. I think human nature is somewhat hard to define as cold steel logic or puddle of emotions but there always is a cause from a former effect which had a cause of its own, this path goes both ways in the past and towards the future and our consciousness is a good judge of it.
I didn't listen to the music though I think I'll give it whirl in a second playthrough and will update it here. It's hard to say when I will play it again but I'll try my best to get out some time for it and the art style to was different from the usual here on F95, though I have to admit that they kinda looked like pics from WikiHow... still great nonetheless!
I'd say this is your blossoming time (which may be true for a lot of people putting work on here as well as in life itself), living isn't really about the end or maybe it is with concepts like Karma and whatnot but indulgence in actions with full vigor in present is what generates beauty (maybe chaos sometimes) I feel... To watch someone improve as such from what they once were is a sight to behold truly and maybe this is my selfish desire, to see one go through this via their writing.
Anyway, I really hope you continue writing with passion and while I felt there were shortcomings, there is nothing that cannot be done to not overcome it. All the best for your future endeavors! Shalom...
I've been on a quest to find quality VNs be it lewd or not and most of times consider Katawa Shoujo to be the pinnacle of writing in VNs, anyway here's my thoughts on your work which I hope you'll consider as constructive criticism.
To procure so many options that lead to variable outcomes is surely a joy to behold, indeed this wasn't mass effect level but how can I compare your work and it in this case, that'd be an injustice though ONLY to a certain extent! The spectrum that provides options from being an angel to a...(I didn't get all the 'bad girl' part so I dunno how depraved Ashley can be) I won't write much about the choices presented to the player but there is something that irks me, that's the writing which to me is paramount, more than anything else whether art or music. Like I said I didn't especially come to get off of any game but just watch how much people can give when they submit to their passion which I felt was present to a degree in your work gladly and that's why I'm here writing this (kinda) review. It is said that the depths of the ocean holds many treasures and sights that hide in darkness, there isn't much to be found in a shallow ocean but even if the ocean was small yet not shallow it could hold a great sum of wealth within it.
I found that though your writing presented choices, what really mattered was the depth that they gave. Ashley's overview of things, her simplification of interactions and some questionable conclusions that she reached without prior indication of how she reached on them baffled me a bit, so much so that when I thought I was starting to enjoy the story my suspension was broken a few times but in the end I finished it. It was only in the later parts that the choices made me seem I was not controlling her life options rather listening to her story which wasn't the impression I had got first. I'm sure as even the simplest mind individual has the most strange and vivid thoughts that may seem indefinable at first glance can be simply put together in words by a seasoned writer. A great example would be my favorite author R.K. Narayan, Malgudi days is a good work that you may read some day.
So to sum it, I felt a lack of depth within the choices, an insight in the mind of Ashley/protag. as to what she thought of what she chose and why she chose so, which seems a humongous task with all the varied option one could take. I think human nature is somewhat hard to define as cold steel logic or puddle of emotions but there always is a cause from a former effect which had a cause of its own, this path goes both ways in the past and towards the future and our consciousness is a good judge of it.
I didn't listen to the music though I think I'll give it whirl in a second playthrough and will update it here. It's hard to say when I will play it again but I'll try my best to get out some time for it and the art style to was different from the usual here on F95, though I have to admit that they kinda looked like pics from WikiHow... still great nonetheless!
I'd say this is your blossoming time (which may be true for a lot of people putting work on here as well as in life itself), living isn't really about the end or maybe it is with concepts like Karma and whatnot but indulgence in actions with full vigor in present is what generates beauty (maybe chaos sometimes) I feel... To watch someone improve as such from what they once were is a sight to behold truly and maybe this is my selfish desire, to see one go through this via their writing.
Anyway, I really hope you continue writing with passion and while I felt there were shortcomings, there is nothing that cannot be done to not overcome it. All the best for your future endeavors! Shalom...
- Aug 3, 2017
- 1,587
- 6,124
Dquin, I see that you put time creating your post. Respectfully however, I do think you're trying to read too much into it. GGGB is just a game, an adult one -- an H-game -- at that. Too much exposition about background information especially about characters' thoughts, motivations, and prior history to make them what they are now in the story will often have the opposite effect and hinders the overall quality of a game.
Yes, some exposition is important and many games fail spectacularly at that, but players also do not need reams of pages why certain choices are present and going too deep into the thoughts of a character. (A dev could potentially take away player agency if they do.) Likewise, of course, you'll feel like there might be "a lack of depth [of the given] choices", because this is not a free-form, sandbox game. It's a visual novel, a CYOA type of game. Even if it wasn't, there will be some limitations imposed to keep the pace flowing in the story while retaining its entertainment value.
Eva had to juggle many variables and paths while also having to wear many hats. As an independent developer, Eva had to be responsible for the writing, the coding, the art, bug fixing, and so forth all while not getting bogged down by one thing or another. Ultimately, this is an adult game and the story has to move forward to (arguably) the most important aspect of these types of games -- the action.
It's a testament that Eva managed to get the game to a finished state considering the complexity of GGGB in comparison to other VNs. Many of her peers have failed to reach this achievement on simpler games, and in fact will never even get close to such a state. You can try the other game that Eva is developing, found here: Our Red String. Eva has improved as a developer over time so you can see firsthand what that "passion" has brought. If nothing else, the art has improved and it isn't one of those cookie-cutter ones often found in other games around F95.
TL;DR - Too much or too little exposition is bad. Balance is important in getting to the action (aka, the sex scenes) and making them meaningful within an adult game. Eva has another game, Our Red String, which is currently in development. Found here: https://f95zone.to/threads/48813/.
Yes, some exposition is important and many games fail spectacularly at that, but players also do not need reams of pages why certain choices are present and going too deep into the thoughts of a character. (A dev could potentially take away player agency if they do.) Likewise, of course, you'll feel like there might be "a lack of depth [of the given] choices", because this is not a free-form, sandbox game. It's a visual novel, a CYOA type of game. Even if it wasn't, there will be some limitations imposed to keep the pace flowing in the story while retaining its entertainment value.
Eva had to juggle many variables and paths while also having to wear many hats. As an independent developer, Eva had to be responsible for the writing, the coding, the art, bug fixing, and so forth all while not getting bogged down by one thing or another. Ultimately, this is an adult game and the story has to move forward to (arguably) the most important aspect of these types of games -- the action.
It's a testament that Eva managed to get the game to a finished state considering the complexity of GGGB in comparison to other VNs. Many of her peers have failed to reach this achievement on simpler games, and in fact will never even get close to such a state. You can try the other game that Eva is developing, found here: Our Red String. Eva has improved as a developer over time so you can see firsthand what that "passion" has brought. If nothing else, the art has improved and it isn't one of those cookie-cutter ones often found in other games around F95.
TL;DR - Too much or too little exposition is bad. Balance is important in getting to the action (aka, the sex scenes) and making them meaningful within an adult game. Eva has another game, Our Red String, which is currently in development. Found here: https://f95zone.to/threads/48813/.
Can you avoid getting a popular instagram and having to stop selling drugs?
edit: ah nvm i managed to avoid it, but the outcome was still that you have to stop dealing drugs
edit: ah nvm i managed to avoid it, but the outcome was still that you have to stop dealing drugs
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Likewise it is good to see someone take note of what I said and I wish to elaborate that I don't expect a magnum opus from the first work of any author yet a certain shine that's visible from someone who's serious can be seen easily after a full version of game is released (even 'beta' sometimes) but I can't help it when the prime thing I am searching for is NOT the 'action' but how that action is reached even if there may be a buildup of several hours or even if we never reach it at all. An author must transport us into a believable world so that we may immerse ourselves in it, come out enriched and wiser than we were before. That is the metric I use for an excellent story whether it be a porn one or not and I'm here searching for it along with a few other places. There may be a case that I'll find only one or two of the hundreds or thousands I'll play in years but finding one is worth it to me and even better if it's someone who's former works I've played.
I'm criticizing the writing not because it's bad but because it can be better.
There has been only one VN game that has sparked this search of mine and I hope to find the next one soon, either way let's see what 'Our red string' offers (if it's got any references to red strings club I'll go mad haha)
- May 18, 2018
- 75
- 111
Dear D if you actually would be serious about this criticism, you would become part of her patron so that she actually might see your criticism of the game. This is a pirate site in most cases the developers do not even know this site exist. Let alone condone it, let alone even look at posts.
- Apr 21, 2020
- 136
- 163
Bruh Imagine this level of writing and mix with some gameplay....that would be the best hentai game.
- Feb 3, 2018
- 1,245
- 2,782
please help , I've tried everything but I can't have the scene where we bet with tyrone and he show us a picture of eva sucking jack
I've tried every choice possible but none of them work , and it's weird because in my first play I had this scene , but impossible to have it again ...
I've tried every choice possible but none of them work , and it's weird because in my first play I had this scene , but impossible to have it again ...
You need Jack to be chasing after Eva during the gym visit, you need to have 4- bad points or otherwise Jack will be chasing after Ash instead, also don't warn Eva about Jack being a womanizer when leaving the gym (don't pick the blue option).
If you do it right Jack will corrupt Eva, which will lead to Tyrone winning that bet.
I think I encountered a bug in the game. Currently I'm playing blind and Ash is currently with Dave. I already burnt the bridge with Eva but somehow they're both having fun together again? Can anyone help lol.
OMG I finally did it!
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- Feb 3, 2018
- 1,245
- 2,782
