VN Ren'Py Completed Haley's Story [v1.1 Pre-Patched] [Viitgames]

[apnea111]

I think they avoiding to discuss about the elephant in the room makes sense in 0.60.
-The MC reaction to the revelation in 0.55.
-Haley knows he is angry since D day.
-We know she probably fought with her mother in the past due to that same thing.
-Haley shutting down whenever he tries to bring up the subjet.
-MC trying to do something to solve the entire mess.

There are different issues pending. Cant deal with all of them at once. And noone expects to swiftly have a resolution in the Mr Klaus issue. But there are issues that are easilly solvable.


So giving you an example. Rewriting the first night after returning scene.

The original one

H "My Pussy Is yours daddy."
"Here.... at work... the post office..."
P "He... He..."
"The post office?"
H "I am a good girl"
P " I am pretty tired, through."
"You fell asleep in your usual position that night"
"But with Haley vigulousky clasping your hand between her thighs"

Mine non natives english speaker, non proofread version

...
"She takes your hand and slides it up her t-shirt."
H "My Pussy Is yours, daddy."
"Here.. At work...at...."
"You raise you hand and close her mouth with your finger"
P "Shousss"
"She seems suddened"
P " I want to talk to you"
H "What ab..."
P "Shousss"
"Tried to talk to you earlier but you kept cutting me of. So i will do the talking"
"She lowers her head"
P "You are the most loving person in the world to me"
"But after Last night i dont know how i feel about my self"
"She raises her head and looks staight Into your eyes"
P "I feel angry or confused. Or that i failed to protect you"
"We will disquss the matter even if you are not willing to. But not today"
"If not with me then with whom haley?"
"Also asked you to cut of the daddy thing"
"She lowers her head again"
P "It was annoying. Now has become disturbing"
"You pick up her chin"
P "Can you do that for me?“
" She nodes her head without speaking"
P "Of course you can. Its you. You can do anything"


"You laid in your usual position that night"
"But didnt get much sleep"
"Sun was Already up while you were still deep low into your thoughts"


"Was it selfish of me bringing up what annoyes me? Shit... I guess it was. But Yet again. How can you love someone without loving your self? God... Does she love herself? Does she?


" It suddendly made sense. Its not me. Its not him. Its not even us. Its all about her..."


"You move your head closer. Putting your face Into her head"
"God those llilacs..."


"In that moment Mr Klaus had left the room. Didnt even exist or existed. So did you.

An empty room. In an empty house. Only Haley. And her llilacs..."

"You kiss the back of her head"


P "Sry Haley. Sry if i will Hurt you. Its not about me. Its not about us. Everything Is about you. It always was. This Is your story..."

 

[Ragnar]

There are different issues pending. Cant deal with all of them at once. And noone expects to swiftly have a resolution in the Mr Klaus issue. But there are issues that are easilly solvable.


So giving you an example. Rewriting the first night after returning scene.

Well, yeah, they can solve plenty in one update if they want, but this is a monthly VN after all and the Klauss thing is probly the biggest plot point right now.

 

[TheGR8STNoob]

the updates seem smaller and smaller. breezed through this one in less than 5 minutes.

 

[ZTex]

Mine non natives english speaker, non proofread version

Still has issues.
Shoush ?

Shush is the correct spelling for that and the onomatopeia version is Shh

 

[apnea111]

Well, yeah, they can solve plenty in one update if they want, but this is a monthly VN after all and the Klauss thing is probly the biggest plot point right now.

Yes the Klaus issue Is the biggest in the story.
And yes they can progress many things instead of nothing.

Monthly vn Is not an issue in terms of stricted time.
I am not a writer, not a native english speaker and Yet wrote the scene in 20 min.

My version of the scene vs the original one.

MC not being autistic. He doesnt go "He.. He.." after the daddy reference. He cuts it of. Highlights its disturbing.

Haley sillently aknowledges the issue.

MC warns haley and the reader that she will have to deal with the rape issue. Haley again sillently aknowledges the issue. True progression in both story frame and halleys stance.

Highlighted that you Cant love someone without loving yourself. Probably the True cause of Haleys issues.

Setting priorities. Klaus or punishing him Is not the first priority. Haleys healing Is.
More Light full and optimistic. Mr Klaus leaves the room.

Highlighting that this Is her problem. There Is no pill for after rape treatment. A 3rd person can and must trigger the procedure but its victims burdon to deal with it.

Highlighting her condition Is most important than MC or their relationship.

Hinted that she will have to do this alone.

Those points are clear in the script to see. Without having to to squeeze "He.. Hes", and "hou.. Hous" and dialoques that lead to nowhere to find imaginery progression.

A game that had the best dialoques among all the others till 0.55 and Yet a random non native english speaker dude can write 10 times more meaningfull dialoques than those in its current state.

 

[ptahn]

Briefly: I don't think they're that mature. Has anything that's happened in the game thus far suggested otherwise?

I consider myself fairly mature, but I am still frequently immature when I get together with my siblings. They (H&MC) seem to act fairly mature around other people.

 

[ptahn]

Yes the Klaus issue Is the biggest in the story.
And yes they can progress many things instead of nothing.

Monthly vn Is not an issue in terms of stricted time.
I am not a writer, not a native english speaker and Yet wrote the scene in 20 min.

My version of the scene vs the original one.

MC not being autistic. He doesnt go "He.. He.." after the daddy reference. He cuts it of. Highlights its disturbing.

Haley sillently aknowledges the issue.

MC warns haley and the reader that she will have to deal with the rape issue. Haley again sillently aknowledges the issue. True progression in both story frame and halleys stance.

Highlighted that you Cant love someone without loving yourself. Probably the True cause of Haleys issues.

Setting priorities. Klaus or punishing him Is not the first priority. Haleys healing Is.
More Light full and optimistic. Mr Klaus leaves the room.

Highlighting that this Is her problem. There Is no pill for after rape treatment. A 3rd person can and must trigger the procedure but its victims burdon to deal with it.

Highlighting her condition Is most important than MC or their relationship.

Hinted that she will have to do this alone.

Those points are clear in the script to see. Without having to to squeeze "He.. Hes", and "hou.. Hous" and dialoques that lead to nowhere to find imaginery progression.

A game that had the best dialoques among all the others till 0.55 and Yet a random non native english speaker dude can write 10 times more meaningfull dialoques than those in its current state.

Sun's getting real low.........

 

[ptahn]

Two words: Decaffeinated Coffee.

 

[Irgendwie Irgendwo]

At least until someone besides the US ( ) wins the men's World Cup.

You mean Japan? (twice)

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[preglovr12]

You mean Japan? (twice)

You must be registered to see the links

Can't win if you don't play:

"The U.S. team did not participate in the World Cup until 2007 and have won every tournament since. Prior to U.S. participation,

You must be registered to see the links

won the

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and

You must be registered to see the links

."

 

[goobdoob]

You mean Japan? (twice)

You must be registered to see the links

No, I mean the World Cup. The US women won the World Cup, so it's soccer, not football, until a team besides the US wins the 2022 World Cup. Which one will; the US men probably won't even qualify.

 

[Red469]

-MC trying to do something to solve the entire mess.

I think the option for the MC is fairly simple....
In the VERY least, make sure he loses his job and Never works in any school of any kind.
The ideal would be a strong case of Hammer time... Destroy his reputation, and or jail time with rock spider status...
OR...
Dish it out himself...

Will be curious which way this goes.

A game that had the best dialoques among all the others till 0.55 and Yet a random non native english speaker dude can write 10 times more meaningfull dialoques than those in its current state.

It makes a difference Which country the writer is from, to what kind of writing style they have...
I agree the shift of direction is Very visible.

 

[apnea111]

It makes a difference Which country the writer is from, to what kind of writing style they have...
I agree the shift of direction is Very visible.

I didnt wrote that script to demonstrate my writing skills in porn game scenes. Already noted that am not a writer and not a native english speaker.

It was an arguement. And a good enough one for the person i was disqussing with to go from this opinion

I think they avoiding to discuss about the elephant in the room makes sense in 0.60.
-The MC reaction to the revelation in 0.55.
-Haley knows he is angry since D day.
-We know she probably fought with her mother in the past due to that same thing.
-Haley shutting down whenever he tries to bring up the subjet.
-MC trying to do something to solve the entire mess.

To this one

Well, yeah, they can solve plenty in one update if they want, but this is a monthly VN after all and the Klauss thing is probly the biggest plot point right now.

Reagarding writing styles Everyone has a different one even among people speaking the same language. Sry but this Is not even an arguement.

Game didnt only change its direction, it change its nature and its principals.

Before 0.55 the player/reader/spectator was watching a solid mini series movie. Seemed like an Already filmed one and Everyone was waiting the release of the New Episode until its concluded. Writing was distinctive and meaningfull. Characters were consistent. Story progressed through its dialoques.

After 0.55 its a daily soap Opera. Nothing Is prefilmed or predecisioned. Filming seems to be talking place between Episodes. The quality checking standards are being downgraded, since Episodes are released even with minor or Major Technical mistakes. Meeting the deadline Is more important than polishing the content (Well the director Filming 5 daily soap operas. I guess has Some thing to do with this).

But mainly.
Writing doesnt drives (or progresses) the story anymore. No progression and hidden meanings between "ha.. Has" and "Hu... Hus".
Story progresses through constant revelations or additional elements brought up in the story.
And in the same way As daily soap operas, writing Is there only to fill time or space.
Easilly solvable matters disqussed again and again without conclusion.

So the Lady watching it while doing the ironing Is kept occupied during her daily routine.

Or the player also.

Routine Is a Bad thing. You can burn a finger if ironing while watching soap operas.

Or you Cant end up fapping to someone fucking a rape victim while the victim adresses him As Her rapist.

According to spoilers, they will rape another one in next Episode. Thanks god. I have Some ironing, sry fapping to do...

 

[Segnbora]

So I briefly unblocked someone (and have since reblocked them, because JFC) just to write this:

Yet a random non native english speaker dude can write 10 times more meaningfull dialoques than those in its current state.

Horrifically spelled and, more importantly, hilariously incorrect on the evidence. If you can't write a narratively cohesive and grammatically correct post I kinda don't trust you to write a narratively cohesive game.

One of the reasons people say "fine, show me your game" (which I've never done) is that keyboard warriors rarely understand the intracacies of plotting and writing. There are tons of people who can wrestle DAZ into credible boobs. (Artists are much rarer.) But the story itself is utterly beyond the reach of most players, and responses like "I wanna kick, then I wanna punch, then I want Klaus to go down, then I want Haley to give me a blowjob while she's crying her apology and kicks Klaus in the nuts" doesn't really convince me otherwise. We talked like this in fourth grade on the playground. Surely we can do better.

 

[Red469]

So I briefly unblocked someone (and have since reblocked them, because JFC) just to write this:

Horrifically spelled and, more importantly, hilariously incorrect on the evidence. If you can't write a narratively cohesive post I kinda don't trust you to write a narratively cohesive game.

One of the reasons people say "fine, show me your game" (which I've never done) is that keyboard warriors rarely understand the intracacies of plotting and writing. There are tons of people who can wrestle DAZ into credible boobs. (Artists are much rarer.) But the story itself is utterly beyond the reach of most players, and responses like "I wanna kick, then I wanna pucnh, then I want Klaus to go down, then I want Haley to give me a blowjob while she's crying her apology and kicks Klaus in the nuts" dosn't really convince me otherwise. We did this in fourth grade on the playground. Surely we can do better.

Well put as usual...

I for one am looking forward to see this story develop and am enjoying it.

 

[apnea111]

So I briefly unblocked someone (and have since reblocked them, because JFC) just to write this:

Horrifically spelled and, more importantly, hilariously incorrect on the evidence. If you can't write a narratively cohesive and grammatically correct post I kinda don't trust you to write a narratively cohesive game.

One of the reasons people say "fine, show me your game" (which I've never done) is that keyboard warriors rarely understand the intracacies of plotting and writing. There are tons of people who can wrestle DAZ into credible boobs. (Artists are much rarer.) But the story itself is utterly beyond the reach of most players, and responses like "I wanna kick, then I wanna pucnh, then I want Klaus to go down, then I want Haley to give me a blowjob while she's crying her apology and kicks Klaus in the nuts" dosn't really convince me otherwise. We did this in fourth grade on the playground. Surely we can do better.

Not an arguement.
Already noted that i am not a writer, and not a native english speaker.
My porpuse wasnt to display my writing skills.

By concentrating on my writing skills or my spelling mistakes you deliberattly missing the obvious.

That even a Bad spelled dialoque can set a story frame and progress issues. "ha.. Has" and "Hu... Hus" dont.

Also keeping up with the recently introduced pattern, that of bringing no story associated arguments, rather than personally associated ones to people you disagree with their opinions.

I dont Block noone. You can toggle with the Block button As long As you want. Its your right.

I also see gamersglory around.

Mate glad you keep coming around.

Noted and argued in Some of your previous posts that this game has no ntr. Through i believe its clearly has by dev intentions borderline ntr.

Also mentioned that ptolemys Games are about the story and not about mindless faping

So 4 issues for you.

1) isnt fucking a rape victim while adresses you the way you believe adressed her rapist a far more uncommon a disturbung matter than common ntr?

2) The above issue prioritizes a solid sensible story dealing with sensitive things with the sensitivity required or prioritizes mindless fapping?

3) Someone fapping to that content Is he mind full? Is he mindless? Its just happens cause he hasnt processed what he Is fapping to?

4)Have the dev processed themselves the actual content they brought Into their story or they are mindless too?

 

[gr33nappleboy]

1) What?

2-4) Still trying to understand 1, hold on.....

 

[Joshua Tree]

3) Someone fapping to that content Is he mind full? Is he mindless? Its just happens cause he hasnt processed what he Is fapping to?

People fap to whatever tickle their fancy. It doesn't need to make sense to you.

 

[apnea111]

People fap to whatever tickle their fancy. It doesn't need to make sense to you.

My understanding about fapping "rights" Is the same with yours (with restrictions though)

It was gamersglory that made that division between HS and other games.

Ok so I don't comment much if at all anymore on the games I make especially on F95 as I have a complex Love/hate relationship with this site that being said This game is not NTR. Sounds like people bitching don't know what the fuck NTR is. The other thing is Yes we work with stories that have sharp edges. Life with Mary was a bit outside our ballpark as it was almost too sweet. Our stories go for realism and the game is Haily's Story so it's a unvarnished, not all sunshine and Rainbows story. Just like real life. So the story is not changing because a few people that don't support the game financially and even the few that do have a problem with it because they're too sensitive. We don't put sex first we put a good story first. When we make Adult games we cover Adult topics too. There are enough dumb fuck and go games out there. Do we do special renders for big-time patreons or walkthroughs or special editions no we spend all our time on making games and getting each game right yah patches take a month or two that because as soon as we release one game we are already running the next on Five games a month updated. No free time to lollygag around. No life outside of game making just to scrape by.

So my questions are for him. And still pending. (Although i think Everyone Is entitled to an opinion)

In the other hand fapping rights not only have restrictions (ex pedo fapping) they have also differrncies in their deegre of rarity ( ex scat fapping or vore fapping).
I quess thats what tags are about. To define the nature of content or the nature of fapping.

So thanks god no "fuck a rape victim while addresses you the same As the rapist" or "fuck mentally unhealthy women" tags are around.

Probably cause that cases, that content, or that type of fapping Is more uncommon even than those of the rarest ones.

 

[ptahn]

I think there needs to be a WTF emoji.