VNAdults

Member
Game Developer
Jun 23, 2020
119
1,044
A very good follow up. The biggest problem you're going to have however is the bad English translation.
If it can be fixed I'm sure it'll catch on although it won't be for everyone still.
Give me a shout if you want a hand to improve the translation.


There is lesbian content in v0.02
I will try to improve my English, and eventually, if I can, when the game is more advanced, I will try to hire someone to correct the translation.

Thanks.



Do we get choices or forced content?
Some situations you will be able to prevent, others you will be able to choose, but it will happen, in different ways.
 

EdPokol

Member
Mar 31, 2019
319
647
The English indeed could be improved but still it's very well written, so a big compliment for that (since it's not your 1st language). Good story and already lots of action. A very enjoyable game!
 
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Me-ta-Xa

Member
Oct 27, 2022
275
558
I think this game is heading in the right direction.
I enjoyed it so far.
English could improve a bit, but no biggie, the only thing that really started to annoy me is that people call eachother bitch every other sentence. But I mean like all the f*cking time.
But looking forward how it turns out, and MC is a hottie!
 
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bamachine

Well-Known Member
Nov 17, 2020
1,343
1,810
I think this game is heading in the right direction.
I enjoyed it so far.
English could improve a bit, but no biggie, the only thing that really started to annoy me is that people call eachother bitch every other sentence. But I mean like all the f*cking time.
But looking forward how it turns out, and MC is a hottie!
Yeah, curse words should be used sparingly. If they are repeated often, they have way less impact and just become annoying. Like hearing a curse word come out of Marge Simpson, it has so much more impact. Also constant cursing just makes someone sound far less intelligent. My mom, RIP, she could tell someone off and make them feel really small without ever uttering a single curse word.

While the premise of this intrigues me, the poor English and what sounds like unimaginative writing makes me think I will hold off until the dev gets a proofreader and maybe a little help varying the dialogue.
 
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DIRTY FILTHY Animal

Formerly 'DIRTY Filthy RAT'
Jun 11, 2020
7,814
25,521
I will try to improve my English, and eventually, if I can, when the game is more advanced, I will try to hire someone to correct the translation.

Thanks.





Some situations you will be able to prevent, others you will be able to choose, but it will happen, in different ways.
Great game, a lot of fun and choices for Loren to pick. Was wondering if we’ll ever get to see Molly (her bisexual boss) sounds like a good time, they mention something when she’s drunk about a bet she could get her husbands dick on her mouth in 20 minutes or not. But then that hot blonde neighbor kind of already proved that she can make him cheat, but still would love to see Molly get some action.
 
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boulimanus

Active Member
Jun 10, 2018
848
1,097
I will try to improve my English, and eventually, if I can, when the game is more advanced, I will try to hire someone to correct the translation.
I've made amendments to the English translation in my copy if you want.
As I did it I tried to limit changes to only fix the weirdness and leave the rest as you wrote it. So basically very little rewrite except when it felt absolutely needed, a clear improvement or to avoid repetition.
Just drop me a DM if you want as I can't do it due to your profile setup. I'm no professional translator, just someone happy to help, so no need to consider paying for it nor giving credit either.

I've also found a small bug. On Day 2, for the following text, Margaret's head and name appear when it should be Kirsten. Not a big one and hard to spot but thought I'd mention it.
Code:
# game/scripts/dia2_night.rpy:673
translate english dia2_night_6baabdba:

    # sa "Vamos, suena divertido! <risas>"
    sa "Come on, sounds like fun! <laughs>"
 
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VNAdults

Member
Game Developer
Jun 23, 2020
119
1,044
Great game, a lot of fun and choices for Loren to pick. Was wondering if we’ll ever get to see Molly (her bisexual boss) sounds like a good time, they mention something when she’s drunk about a bet she could get her husbands dick on her mouth in 20 minutes or not. But then that hot blonde neighbor kind of already proved that she can make him cheat, but still would love to see Molly get some action.
A little preview, in the next chapter you will meet Loren's boss ;)
Thanks for the comment, I'm glad you're liking the game!

PROMO17.png



I've made amendments to the English translation in my copy if you want.
As I did it I tried to limit changes to only fix the weirdness and leave the rest as you wrote it. So basically very little rewrite except when it felt absolutely needed, a clear improvement or to avoid repetition.
Just drop me a DM if you want as I can't do it due to your profile setup. I'm no professional translator, just someone happy to help, so no need to consider paying for it nor giving credit either.

I've also found a small bug. On Day 2, for the following text, Margaret's head and name appear when it should be Kirsten. Not a big one and hard to spot but thought I'd mention it.
Code:
# game/scripts/dia2_night.rpy:673
translate english dia2_night_6baabdba:

    # sa "Vamos, suena divertido! <risas>"
    sa "Come on, sounds like fun! <laughs>"
Hi, first, thank you very much for offering to help with the translation, these days I will not be at home, but when I come back I will send you a private message, if you allow me, and we will talk. I'm Spanish and historically Spanish people speak very bad English XD


VNAdults any chance the MC will have action with her MIL?
It's not planned for the next chapters, but I'm making changes as the story progresses, there are things that don't go as planned and I have to adapt dialogues and situations, so it's a possibility, it depends on how everything progresses.
 

BYK370

Well-Known Member
Apr 29, 2020
1,068
412
A little preview, in the next chapter you will meet Loren's boss ;)
Thanks for the comment, I'm glad you're liking the game!

View attachment 2847753





Hi, first, thank you very much for offering to help with the translation, these days I will not be at home, but when I come back I will send you a private message, if you allow me, and we will talk. I'm Spanish and historically Spanish people speak very bad English XD




It's not planned for the next chapters, but I'm making changes as the story progresses, there are things that don't go as planned and I have to adapt dialogues and situations, so it's a possibility, it depends on how everything progresses.
thanks i hope it will happen one day can't wait~
 

WuzzyFuzzy

Well-Known Member
Jan 23, 2020
1,413
2,869
To throw in a comment or three...

Excellent work on the MC. Really well done. You've got a couple of nice scenarios approached from atypical perspectives.

Three things, two minor, one potentially more problematic: 1) personally I really dislike seeing a woman smoking. I can get over it, though. 2) Forced scenes. Even though you have included some, what I would call cosmetic choices, you're bordering on a kinetic novel. It's your game and I would advise making it the way you want. But expect some resistance from players/readers if you continue down this path. 3) Translation and editing. Some of the words could have better choices. You're using the word bitch so often it's becoming meaningless. I think here in the US the words slut, or maybe skank, or whatever could be used at times instead. Not in a mean way, but lightheartedly between friends. I would recommend trying to find substitutions every so often.
 

Deleted member 3727657

Active Member
May 22, 2021
746
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I will try to improve my English, and eventually, if I can, when the game is more advanced, I will try to hire someone to correct the translation.

Thanks.





Some situations you will be able to prevent, others you will be able to choose, but it will happen, in different ways.
Hello dear developer And friends
Should we expect a slowburn game like ms denvers? Or is MC an easy girl who quickly accepts emotional and sexual relationships?
 
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4.00 star(s) 26 Votes