VN Ren'Py Abandoned Hidden Feelings [v0.3] [Stince]

[zeraligator]

The description given for Jess feels a bit off, I had to see Nora's descriptor to fully grasp what it was trying to convey.
For starter, the "Assistant (mc)" would read a lot better as '(mc)'s assistant' it might also be wise to put her name in front of that to establish who is being introduced.
It's also 'married' not "in marriage".
Finally, "(mc) considers her his close friend" might sound a bit better as '(mc) considers her a close friend'. This is more of a personal taste thing but I feel it reads a bit better without the two pronouns back to back.

Nora's description ends with "friend Emily" which should be 'friends with Emily', disregarding that we don't know Emily at this point.

After checking out the ass the mc remarks "can't it be Emily?" which should be 'could that be Emily?'.

The start of Emily's description has the same problem as Jess' description except with sister instead of assistant.
Ruby's description is the same though it also adds an extra 'i' to 'little'.
Same thing with Olivia's description plus the "in divorce" which should be 'divorced'.

The protag also says Olivia has a finer ass than "any a woman" which should be 'any woman'.

 

[Deleted member 396172]

Nice update

 

[ronak]

Well if mc is going to pay the dad money i'd be pretty much done with the story. With that kind of money he could hire a small army (hitman to permanently gettig rid of the problem or bodyguards).
Also if dad actually had any real power he wouldn't need to extort mc, dad is just a lousy wannabe gangster.
Love the mom she needs a lot more screentime.

 

[Brannon]

Well if mc is going to pay the dad money i'd be pretty much done with the story. With that kind of money he could hire a small army (hitman to permanently gettig rid of the problem or bodyguards).
Also if dad actually had any real power he wouldn't need to extort mc, dad is just a lousy wannabe gangster.
Love the mom she needs a lot more screentime.

I agree with the first, but disagree with the second part.
Father should be lucky MC did not kill him with bare hands then and there.

With that kind of terrorist threat it would be completely legal as well.

In addition the extortion amount is way too high to be even close to believable.
100 Million? From a son that vanished a couple of years? To a wanabe gangster cutout? Seriously?
Even if the son can pay it is unbelievable. And if he plain can't it makes the dad even stupider than he appeared at first.
For my personal taste her small moons are "a bit" to big.
I kinda like the overall character design but I honestly have no desire to bone her.

 

[PenguinFuhrer]

The writing needs a lot of polish. Sentence structure and general language is all over the place. There isn't really anything that is completely "wrong", just clearly "engrish". It is however unclear at times which text is thoughts and which is dialogue.

 

[gentlemanclub]

The writing needs a lot of polish. Sentence structure and general language is all over the place. There isn't really anything that is completely "wrong", just clearly "engrish". It is however unclear at times which text is thoughts and which is dialogue.

agreed. Dev needs a quality check team or someone to proofread.

 

[HarveyD]

Well if mc is going to pay the dad money i'd be pretty much done with the story. With that kind of money he could hire a small army (hitman to permanently gettig rid of the problem or bodyguards).
Also if dad actually had any real power he wouldn't need to extort mc, dad is just a lousy wannabe gangster.
Love the mom she needs a lot more screentime.

So many of these games have a debt/blackmail/extorsion sub plot. Not sure why it's so popular.

 

[Brannon]

So many of these games have a debt/blackmail/extorsion sub plot. Not sure why it's so popular.

The writer can add somewhat easily drama to many plots that way.
The ones where such a negative twist does not really work are few and far between.
Drama spices up most novels. Novels that run always very smoothly tend to be boring an thus are not really in high demand / held in high regard.
That's the only reason.

 

[keepsick]

nothing here waiting for next update XD

 

[DickBobyson]

The screenshots make this game look really boring

 

[Jacobus]

after 2 game crashes i give up go check it good before placing it here

 

[inferno1977]

This is not episode 3, it's still 2, have downloaded files multiple times, deleted files and recopied them.

 

[michael1984]

Pretty short update

And for the amount of wait time between updates its pretty disapointing

Would luv some more content with the mom and aunt

 

[Burgh917]

Loved the game right up till the end, really hope the douche bag father isn't going to take away from the rest of the story. Little sister needs more screen time

 

[WildBillKatt]

Might be a minor point, but I'm really tired of the super young looking younger sister always being named "Ruby".

 

[NakedSingularity]

Hm, will impregnation be an option for the incest characters in the future?

I hope so. As someone that has knocked up his sis 6x in real life it's nice when it happens in AVN's too.

 

[only MILF]

Knocks out an error. In addition to the game, I did not install anything. .sorry. badly understood in the IT industry.

 

[NakedSingularity]

Might be a minor point, but I'm really tired of the super young looking younger sister always being named "Ruby".

/shrug it's just a label. As long as it's not something really ridiculous like 14yoCumdumpster or that will earn her the butt of jokes and bad pickup lines like Heaven (everyone wants to spend at least 1 minute in Heaven) or some hooker's name like Candy I'm not going to pay that much attention.

 

[cxx]

Knocks out an error. In addition to the game, I did not install anything. .sorry. badly understood in the IT industry.

posting traceback.txt is enuf.

 

[only MILF]

Probably this episode was at the end of the last version, but now it is not.