Ok - just started (start of Ep. 2) currently.
1. Plz no - 1 choice choices, that is annoying.
2. Why is Norah joining the exercises before that is a topic? And then you say she did good for her first time, but it is the second.
3. Drop the "ad" after the chapter - I first thought the game ends there after this
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4. The base concept is great. Dont know what the plan is, but in theory you could make this into a long lasting project. We could even play a female MC in one life - I bet that could be funny (but probably some ppl will cry bc they cant accept that ^^). So there is a lot of potential for "fish out of the water" stuff in here.
5. That brings me to my major problem (in the first episode) - the acceptance of the MC. I mean ... wtf? He just accepts that and there is no self-reflection, pondering or questioning. Sure - you are in another body, so you HAVE to accept THAT, but I still think is way to cool with that for the first time.
6. There needs to be more proofreading. It is nothing major, but it can be distracting from time to time.
7. Choices dont do much. Currently they just affect the scene after them slightly, but the rest stays the same ... thats a shame.
Thanks for your detailed review.
1. Yes, I know there is 1 choice option in the beginning (When Norah and MC meets first time.), it is bothers me too, but there was 2 scenes in there at first, then I didn't like the second scene so deleted it (it was pointless). I agree with you. Will look for it.
2. At first she is just joining for a little workout, like just walking, warming up etc. MC is taking courage from it, then asking her to join every morning. Maybe I couldn't give the feeling of that. But I saw something, there are missing dialogues on other exercise scenes. I don't how did it happen. (Mostly working on the game at nights and midnights, I have to work on there too.)
3. Ok, you're right, will fix there.
4.Thanks. Maybe. I wrote the final episode and the key episode (apart from Alamo Heights episode), but I need more stories inside for the final off course... Not so sure how long will it take.
5.Acceptance of the MC; Yes, if you are having some trouble in there, maybe it means that I past that part very quickly...
Again there were very long scenes written in there, spending a night in forest, thinking.. etc.. But I thought it will be too much..
6.Yes, I agree... But I can not pay it and don't have time for every update for now. So reading and thinking on every comment and review for a free proofreading to fix...
7.Yes. I used my experiences that I gained through relations
. For example: I remembered my first kisses, after that kiss mostly I think like this;
"do I have to touch her boobs, do I have to go a little more. Yes, you should... you missed that chance...." etc.
Sometimes I tried every little think. Sometimes, I thought that I have gone too far....
But surprisingly, mostly nothing changed at the end. Hard to understand the feelings and hard to understand every person. So I put these little differences, because mostly these little differences gave the shape of the feelings, and this part is the hidden hearth of the story for me...