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VN Ren'Py Onhold It Could Be Worse! [2.4.2] [eHellJay]

2.90 star(s) 15 Votes

DonkeyFace

Active Member
Dec 24, 2017
882
3,055
I'll start by admitting I had to cheat to get the scenes after the club. I'll start with the good without going into too much detail.

The Good: The build up, seduction, and scenario was realistic and well executed.
The erotic scenes were very well written and among the best I've seen in a VN or game. (I can think of only 1 other game that's comparable). It was more more like reading a well written erotic story on Literotica.com
The posing and expressions of the characters, especially during the seduction and erotic phases were very well crafted, and fit very well with the text. Very immersive in that regard.

The Bad: The dialogue, most of the time did not change much, if at all, after each choice.
Many of the choices were phrased very oddly, and didn't make much sense to me. (Strange, because this was very well written for the most part.)
Tried many combinations to try and get the game to continue after the club, but couldn't (Probably a bug). Ended up having to use an online save editor to change some variables, so I could continue the game.
Some missing images from the next morning.

Conclusion: So much potential here if some of these problems can be fixed. Very refreshing to experience a VN with a mature theme and scenario. Very rare especially for female protag games, where the scenarios and male characters are so disgusting and ridiculous, that you have to cast off any semblance of believability.
 
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Deleted member 4548362

Newbie
Game Developer
Jan 9, 2022
31
76
I'll start by admitting I had to cheat to get the scenes after the club. I'll start with the good without going into too much detail.

The Good: The build up, seduction, and scenario was realistic and well executed.
The erotic scenes were very well written and among the best I've seen in a VN or game. (I can think of only 1 other game that's comparable). It was more more like reading a well written erotic story on Literotica.com
The posing and expressions of the characters, especially during the seduction and erotic phases were very well crafted, and fit very well with the text. Very immersive in that regard.

The Bad: The dialogue, most of the time did not change much, if at all, after each choice.
Many of the choices were phrased very oddly, and didn't make much sense to me. (Strange, because this was very well written for the most part.)
Tried many combinations to try and get the game to continue after the club, but couldn't (Probably a bug). Ended up having to use an online save editor to change some variables, so I could continue the game.
Some missing images from the next morning.

Conclusion: So much potential here if some of these problems can be fixed. Very refreshing to experience a VN with a mature theme and scenario. Very rare especially for female protag games, were the scenarios and male characters are so disgusting and ridiculous, that you have to cast off any semblance of believability.
Thank you for this uncompromising but constructive comment. It will be, like other comments, a roadmap that I will use for the rest of this short game, but also for two more complex ones in the making. It's a real pleasure to read some of you... Thanks guys.
 

karlosos

Member
Oct 9, 2017
214
388
How can I put it?
This story is so short that it only contains about 100 screens (often cut in half). It only aims to train me, perhaps by entertaining you. As a result, there are two possibilities: either she resists or she gives in. If she resists, I will frustrate half of the players who will resent me for having led them on, or she succumbs and I will frustrate the other half who do not like easy women (like me, by the way).
Someone once told me: choosing is never a mistake, not choosing is. I chose!
See you in part 2?
Oh, she has to eventually give in!
Otherwise we will all get blue balls.
Just not straight way, or be the one making the moves.
She knows it is wrong, but she is fighting against her body, and natural desires.
In JAV movies often forced kissing by the guy is the turning point.


There, everyone will be satisfied.
 

kartolas

Well-Known Member
Apr 10, 2021
1,073
1,687
Thank you for this uncompromising but constructive comment. It will be, like other comments, a roadmap that I will use for the rest of this short game, but also for two more complex ones in the making. It's a real pleasure to read some of you... Thanks guys.
What do you mean by "short game", if it's not asking too much?
 

Deleted member 4548362

Newbie
Game Developer
Jan 9, 2022
31
76
What do you mean by "short game", if it's not asking too much?
That's not too much to ask! As I've written before, this story is a trial run. First times often make mistakes, right? So I didn't think too hard about a sequel. I just wanted a short game that would hold up (we didn't go to the moon with the first Apollo rocket...). Now, I have some ideas in stock, and in particular to explain why this idiot Fabio, didn't move even though he saw it coming (a preface)... And also for the sequel, since Thomas still has no one to accompany him on his trip, could be convincing, and has some trump cards up his sleeve... But well, this might delay my other projects! Maybe I'll have to reconsider my plans.
 

Deleted member 4548362

Newbie
Game Developer
Jan 9, 2022
31
76
Oh, she has to eventually give in!
Otherwise we will all get blue balls.
Just not straight way, or be the one making the moves.
She knows it is wrong, but she is fighting against her body, and natural desires.
In JAV movies often forced kissing by the guy is the turning point.

There, everyone will be satisfied.
Yeah... We won't last until next New Year's Eve always wondering if she will end up saying yes to him.:unsure: There's already "A Wife and Mother" on this one.:sneaky:
 
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kartolas

Well-Known Member
Apr 10, 2021
1,073
1,687
That's not too much to ask! As I've written before, this story is a trial run. First times often make mistakes, right? So I didn't think too hard about a sequel. I just wanted a short game that would hold up (we didn't go to the moon with the first Apollo rocket...). Now, I have some ideas in stock, and in particular to explain why this idiot Fabio, didn't move even though he saw it coming (a preface)... And also for the sequel, since Thomas still has no one to accompany him on his trip, could be convincing, and has some trump cards up his sleeve... But well, this might delay my other projects! Maybe I'll have to reconsider my plans.
Ah ok, so the story is supposed to end here, ok. It's good.
About the story, I don't think Fabio is at fault here. When a man has to intervene in any way on what his woman is doing, IMO, the relation is rotten already. If he had to intervene, he doesn0t trust her and a relation without trust is no relation. With a woman like that It would be a full time job. If she was already thinking, or having some sort of feelings for another man, she should end the relationship. If she didn't cheat on him this time, it would eventually happen latter because she clearly wasn't happy. The guy could be an idiot but she's the one at fault here. Not only she's cheating, but she's fucking his life completely due to Thomas being a co-worker. He wouldn't be able to go back to that job, I know I wouldn't.
Calm me old fashioned but that's how I see it. Oh and on top of that, they've been friends since they were 14-15 so there should also be friendship there which even worsens her guilt in this story.
 
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Deleted member 4548362

Newbie
Game Developer
Jan 9, 2022
31
76
Ah ok, so the story is supposed to end here, ok. It's good.
About the story, I don't think Fabio is at fault here. When a man has to intervene in any way on what his woman is doing, IMO, the relation is rotten already. If he had to intervene, he doesn0t trust her and a relation without trust is no relation. With a woman like that It would be a full time job. If she was already thinking, or having some sort of feelings for another man, she should end the relationship. If she didn't cheat on him this time, it would eventually happen latter because she clearly wasn't happy. The guy could be an idiot but she's the one at fault here. Not only she's cheating, but she's fucking his life completely due to Thomas being a co-worker. He wouldn't be able to go back to that job, I know I wouldn't.
Calm me old fashioned but that's how I see it. Oh and on top of that, they've been friends since they were 14-15 so there should also be friendship there which even worsens her guilt in this story.
You are not at all old-fashioned and you are largely right. But, one could also imagine that particular circumstances explain both their behaviors. But this is absolutely not the case here, I clearly haven't thought about it. That's why I'm inclined to close the game rather quickly, if no one objects.
 

spanner52

Newbie
Jan 5, 2019
48
49
I managed to do both routes and enjoyed it, I hope for more interesting action before you close the game.
 

kartolas

Well-Known Member
Apr 10, 2021
1,073
1,687
You are not at all old-fashioned and you are largely right. But, one could also imagine that particular circumstances explain both their behaviors. But this is absolutely not the case here, I clearly haven't thought about it. That's why I'm inclined to close the game rather quickly, if no one objects.
Well I'm fine with it as a "short story". Pretty good actually. What could you do more, give her a life? Make she go to work? Cheat more?! :D End their relation? Make another short story of them fucking while on vacation? Nah. There would probably have to be more than a route. I think it's fine as it is and you have ideas for other projects.
In the end the decision to cheat was "hers".
 
Nov 8, 2020
169
217
How to make him go home with her
“It could be worse” NTR Walkthrough:




"What a moving compliment!"


"Sh..! He must be a bit down..."


"who doesn't know, doesn't suffer…"


"Listen, since you mention it, I'll think about it…"


"She shouldn't, but she returns a wink"


"Especially with better than you"


"Fabio isn’t the best dancer I know. So I certainly didn't improve"


"Well, in a way you’re right!"


"Natasha slowly steps aside with a smile."


"So she decides to find out a bit more and questions him..."


"She finds it futile to mourn a love for too long. When it's over, it's over. You move on!"


"Natasha agrees with him"


"If I was single... It would be a very nice way to get to know each other better!"


"I must look like a fool. What is he to think?"


"Who could refuse such a request?"


"If you're lucky, Fabio won't claim it…"


"but instead, she ends up finding this naughty and unseemly game dangerously exciting."


"…"


"We could be seen..."


"Can you imagine if someone had seen us?"


"Well, just a kiss is not that bad"
 
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Losersriot

Well-Known Member
Jul 7, 2021
1,436
2,445
Dear Dev! In no case do not listen to ANYONE who criticizes your game. I have seen many times on this site how good games turned into a piece of shit, because the developer did not do what he wanted, but what others wanted. And others always want different and contradictory things. Your game is perfect. It is devoid of flaws. This is a subtle, European, refined, sophisticated, classic, mysterious and exciting story similar to the film Dolce Vita or 1959 LA NOTTE BRAVA or the clip of Daren Hayes 'Insatiable'. You are the new Felini, the new Tinto Brass, you are the hope of the erotic gaming industry.
I love every little thing about your game. I love being your heroine. You are the new Phidias, the new Praxiteles, the new Auguste Rodin.
Please don't make the mistakes of barbarians and degenerates: don't fawn over the crowd. There are 100,000 games on this site and all as one - about lesbians and guys. Create RARE, rare games based on women's love novels. Become an elite.
 
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Losersriot

Well-Known Member
Jul 7, 2021
1,436
2,445
Yeah... We won't last until next New Year's Eve always wondering if she will end up saying yes to him.:unsure: There's already "A Wife and Mother" on this one.:sneaky:
Nice joke dude. Last AWAM update ruin my hopes totally complete. L&P does not allow its players to be Sofia. He makes decisions for Sofia INSTEAD OF the player.
 

KenneX

Member
Apr 21, 2019
284
369
I couldn't get the kiss, I had to change this:
if tempFlag:
n angry "Let's go back to the bar!"
$ tempFlag = False
jump SC24
to this:
if not tempFlag:
n angry "Let's go back to the bar!"
$ tempFlag = False
jump SC24
It would make sense, I was tempting so it should continue and not jump to SC24.
 

Power Broker

Member
Jan 9, 2018
221
551
This game is good so far.

You missed two jumps, one for the first kiss in the separee, the second jump for the ride home with Thomas and what occurs there.

The general pace and writing of the story are good, also the choices, they seem to be natural and genuine. But, as was already mentioned, the dialogues are often identical for all choices, so instead of only having one or two sentences per choice before merging back into the "main storyline", it'd be nice to have some more dialogues that revolve around / explore the answer given, or that just lead to different lines of dialogue.

Graphics are good and not too dark.

Maybe some thoughts about the general mechanics:

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And some thoughts about the story itself, those are however subjective and just mirror my personal preferences:

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2.90 star(s) 15 Votes