RPGM Ren'Py Laura: Lustful Secrets [Ch.2 v0.3 P2] [Dark Anu]

[TanyaC]

I played a few minutes. Here's my thoughts.

Pros:
1. Isometric graphics of the map is refreshing
2. Amount of locations on map shows ability to create a believable world (at least physically)

Cons:
1. Writing is poor - (more later)
2. Proportions of women is off - Kim Kardashian's ass is not a good indicator of a good hot body. Go look at the Olympics athletes in Tokyo if you want to see what perfect female asses should look like. Kim's ass is all fat and plastic surgery, which is gross. It's not natural. Go to reddit /r/gonewild if you still can't figure out. There's no excuse for not knowing what a shapely ass should look like)

Writing is the core of any narrative driven game experiences, such as the ones here in h-games. There's a lot of issues with the writing in this game, I will list them in order of pressing matter.

1. Lack of characterization for wife, daughter, and husband - Who are they? What does wife do? What does daughter do? Where are they living? What kind of neighborhood is it? What does wife want in her life? Is she a homemaker (unemployed leecher)? Is daughter a student? Does she have a job? Does she have a boyfriend? What is wife scared of? What makes her happy? etc. etc. Learn how to do it:

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. Google "How to write a good character"
2. Lack of real meaningful dialog between characters - Biggest examples being the conversation that the MC had with his wife when he told her "Hey babe, without asking you, I am going to have some stranger live in our house". You need more life experiences or watch more TV if you think the way you portrayed that conversation is how real people talk. It's completely bogus
3. Too many side characters - I don't give a shit about the neighbor when you can't even get the 4 characters you have correct: MC, wife, daughter, and Marketing Consultant. Too many characters don't make your game better, well developed characters do.

Overall the writing in this game is just poor. It sounds like someone with no life experiences trying to emulate real life. The first thing that jumped out to me was when the Boss chewing MC out in the office. It's 100% not believable and not how real corporate BS meetings go down (at least here in America where I work).

I have my cons too, but destructive criticism is what has led many DVs to abandon their games.

Getting everything right and doing everything you said in detail is only for DVs with a large team, which is not the case here... when you have a large team, each person takes care of a detail, and when you develop games alone it is hard work and to please both Greeks and Trojans you need to be a master of miracles...

There are handwriting errors, yes, but that is not so worrying, since the game is being offered for free.

As for family, Laura's concern is to be an honest wife, but when you have a shitty husband like hers who is always drunk, tired or worried even during sex, no woman can stand to be without him even in real life and will give in to temptation seeing things that she does not find in her husband. Some paths didn't work out in this game, for example Jack asks Emma for help, she accepts and they arrange a time in the afternoon and that never happens because Laura goes to the cabaret with Jack that afternoon, that was really fucked up... another example is the meeting of the brother with Emma and the 4 guys from school, if it were a Unity game it would be game over, and here it almost does but DV put something in to repeat and not let sex happen with Emma... A lot of strange things but who are we to judge after all the game is neither mine nor yours and if DV wants it that way then so be it.