The thing I was soo worried about that it would happen. It's quite scary that Cece describes where she comes from so very well.
Good feelings may feel better, to the point that they feel too god. But every bad feeling feels like staring into the abyss. And then there are the times when you cry but don't even know why the fuck you're crying, just that you're insanely sad and seriously consider crashing the car you're driving into a wall, just to be done with that feeling.
But, somehow it's worse than that, good feelings don't last. As soon as the moment is gone, so are the feelings, you know you had those feelings, but you can already no longer recall how they felt.
Normally, having a good time nourishes your mind for a while. I know that now, but imagine there is a hole, and the feeling of that good time immediately leaks out again. One moment you have genuine fun playing with your little sister or a nephew, or kissing your loved one, but the moment you walk out the door because you have to do something else, like shopping or whatever, the feeling is simply gone. You recall the moment, you recall you had fun, you recall yourself laughing, you recall that you felt great, but you can't even recall the feeling itself. And that was just 30 seconds ago.
I was bloody lucky, some temporary medication helped me and put my mind back on the right track. But, there are plenty (most!) who have to be on medication for the rest of their life to deal with this, and then there are those for who drugs don't help at all. Or maybe they got the wrong medication. Or maybe the drugstore got a new supplier with a seemingly only marginally different recipe which totally fucks up their body chemistry and throws them back to square one.
Just saying, this chapter hurt me personally.
Talking helps, but its not the solution. It just helps you put things in perspective for the moment, untill your brain messes it all up again.
Medicines may be a solution, but they have their own drawbacks that both patients and the people close to them should be aware of. Not just that they may be addictive or bad for their body (they are), but they can affect behaviour in other, less noticable yet also problematic ways. Drugged zombies sadly are a thing in psychiatry, in various degrees, from barely noticable (just smokes or drinks more) to staring at the wall the entire day.
