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McWoodz

Active Member
Oct 28, 2018
897
2,222
Severe overuse of the word 'welp' going on here.
It's not even really a word, more of a noise used to convey disappointment.
I do quite like this VN but change pretty much every welp to well and I'll like it a lot more.
Having a proofreader who speaks English as a 1st language would definitely help but liking the story so far.

edit. Yeap isn't a word either. Pick yep, yeah or yes and roll with it. Yup is also acceptable. More acceptable than yeap anyway.
 
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Bitter Strawman

Member
Game Developer
Feb 7, 2019
218
850
Severe overuse of the word 'welp' going on here.
It's not even really a word, more of a noise used to convey disappointment.
I do quite like this VN but change pretty much every welp to well and I'll like it a lot more.
Having a proofreader who speaks English as a 1st language would definitely help but liking the story so far.

edit. Yeap isn't a word either. Pick yep, yeah or yes and roll with it. Yup is also acceptable. More acceptable than yeap anyway.
That's funny thing, cause pretty much every "welp" and "yeap" exists in the first episode when I had proofreader (non-native though).
And totally non-existent in the second episode where I hadn't one.
 

McWoodz

Active Member
Oct 28, 2018
897
2,222
That's funny thing, cause pretty much every "welp" and "yeap" exists in the first episode when I had proofreader (non-native though).
And totally non-existent in the second episode where I hadn't one.
Missed this one first time so was starting from the beginning but I'm happy to hear I won't have to go through any more welps and yeaps :)(y)
 

Bitter Strawman

Member
Game Developer
Feb 7, 2019
218
850
Missed this one first time so was starting from the beginning but I'm happy to hear I won't have to go through any more welps and yeaps :)(y)
You will have to go through more terrible things, haha.
However, there were no comments about quality of writing in second episode so far.
 
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Eerie Entity

❤︎ Victoria Shields' One True Love ❤︎
Donor
Game Developer
May 28, 2018
4,339
15,213
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I went that route, although I didn't go for Aria, but Ruby, haha :p

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What Aria said about Ruby in the cafeteria afterward,
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I do hope that becomes a reality :p

That was a great update, knew it would be, hehe, great job :)
 

Saint Blackmoor

Saint and Sinner
Donor
Oct 26, 2017
5,694
17,037
I like the Game, girls are gorgeous, the multiple angles during sex scene is really nice. I especially like the scene when vicky walked into MC's room and laid down on the bed. little touches like that make the story better. looking forward to next update.
 
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4.30 star(s) 13 Votes