Allow me to start off by saying that I just finished playing through from the start of this story to the end of chapter 5, and stressing that I enjoyed the story a great deal. I have to admit, right from the second I noticed the combination of tags including "incest", "romance", "virgin" and "pregnancy", in a story titled "My Sister & I" I was extremely interested, and reading the Developer Notes in the OP - with the mention of a focus on the romance between the player character (PC) and sister - made this story shoot right to the top of my list of VNs to play. The concept of this story is pretty much the ideal one for my tastes, it's mostly well done, and I will absolutely be looking forward to the next chapter of the story.
That being said, I started noticing little things pretty much right from the start of the game that stuck out at me, and very quickly those small things - combined with my relative investment in the concept and execution of the story - made me get out pen and paper and start taking notes. You may very well have heard some or all of this before and I'm just wasting my time, but I still thought I would take the time to offer some constructive criticism, because there are a lot of small things that hold back what is otherwise a very promising story.
So, let me look these notes and see if I can write something more comprehensible from them... This may seem a little disorderly, but for most part they're just organized in the order I wrote them down.
I think that will do for the main points from my notes. Finally, let me thank you for creating this story; even with its flaws it's still pretty good, and I'll certainly be keeping an eye out for its continuation.
Greetings my friend, before anything I'd sincerely like to thank you for not only taking the time to play through my game but to actually write such a detailed list. This truly shows (or at least I'd like to believe it does) that you genuinely had a good time with it, perhaps event felt a modicum of passion as you read through it
For this you have my upmost gratitude my friend
Now, I've spent a few minutes thinking about how I could reply to the various points you made, as quoting them would honestly be too bothersome line by line
So I'll group them on blocs and attempt to provide some insight
1º You're absolute right about what you say here but I must say that they're intentional (except the office one, that's a mistake on my part) but the other ones are explicitly confusing, the timeline as well as the true layout of the house I've made quite "cartoonish" so to speak.
The answer as to why is rather simple, I've had some experience with the writing of novels in the past. ANd one of the harder things as you advance is keeping track of the record
For this game, I waned to do something different, were I wishing to make something akin to a linear romance novel I could've written one. But what I wanted was something with enough time to expose the dialogue I wished to see myself in other games while conveying the "happy" feeling of an old TV show
Therefore I decided to simply focus on the growth of the characters and to have the world revolve around them. The time and place not being anything but mediums for their characters to interact with
This is why. To any further questions regarding "The dates do not mix, or the house could not be that big!" the reply must be
"A wormhole did it"
2º This one slightly confuses me; I've masturbated when I had to pee and nothing awful has happened. You usualy do the deed, then have this short window (post nut clarity, some would call it) that you use to clean and then afterwards you feel an ENORMOUS urge to go to the bathroom.
But taking into account the milk and the juice come from different canals, there really should not be much of a problem I believe
Although, It is true that each man has it's own cock. And only they know the limit of their grit
3º In here once again you're correct. You see, when I first took to developing the idea for this game I had a friend of mine who would be the 2d artist for the project. Alas due life issues this never came to be yet I had already written the script, so I did not wish for it to go to waste.
Therefore I explored the net and found a way to make it myself. The images at the very beginning are indeed quite raw but as you've taken appreciation to (which I thank) I have improved the technique somewhat, and I sincerely hope to continue doing so in the near future
Regarding a remake of the beginning it's definitely inside my plans
I have in fact begun to do it, albeit at a very, very slow rate as my priority remains to finish the plot first. Then begin remaking the visuals at the beginning!
I am trying to find someone who'd be willing to aid me, but so far I haven't had much luck with anyone I've hired
4º These points about narration too are valid, I was unsure to where to go at first as I was getting used to the medium
I'd like to think in the final chapter specially I've taken to improve these, yet much remains to be done this is true
5º This is actually a fine idea, I could definitely go back and throw some loading images there to help improve the pacing even if I've not yet remade most images. Thank you for the heads up friend!
It is something that bugged me a lot while I was replaying the game to get a feel of how It'd be. I believe I've come up with a solution in the form of these "loading cards" which look a bit cuter and more in the vibe of the story I'm trying to tell
4º It is an inside joke between them, the novel is filled with them. I believe that as one reads it, they begin catching on to them as you've done. My main preocupation is to have "believable" banter and it's something I'm trying to adapt
I have plenty of weird inside jokes with my friends which simply came to be through repetition so I'm trying to see how well would this adapt to the novel
5º And for the final point. Not much I can say other than you're correct. I do have a weird fixation with "on" I don't know why, I think I just like how it sounds to be honest. To try and correct it, I've enlisted the aid of some proof readers so I hope it'll get even less noticeable in the future
I believe with this I've covered it all as best as I could, once again I sincerely thank you for your interest my friend
This has been quite useful, have a good day!