VN Ren'Py Abandoned Naked Holidays [Day 1-3 + HALLOWEEN] [SirHipnos]

[KanCerberus]

Great story concept, and Emma is super cute! (I agree that her shaved eyebrows aren't the most attractive thing I've seen).

I also like the quick progression of Emma's acceptance of 'the lifestyle', but a bit more effort in developing her character along the way might be appreciated. (We don't get to learn much about her personality between Point A, at the airport, and Point B, on the bed).

While the render quality is quite high, the story could likely benefit from a more widely developed shot list. We see many medium and medium wide shots that tend to isolate a character. You can effectively connect characters by using more over-the-shoulder shots (where appropriate).

Your rendering skills and story concept give this project a solid basis, and your use of ATL code is very interesting. Since you asked for constructive criticisms, I would suggest furthering your education in creative writing techniques and learning some film making fundamentals (shot size, framing, and angles).

I'll be watching the development of this one with great interest!

Lola Adjani, you can't imagine how valuable your comment is to me. Thank you very much for taking the trouble to write your thoughts, that helps me a lot to know where I have to improve. You are not wrong in anything you have said.

Everyone is telling me about the eyebrows and it will be fixed immediately.

Thank you very much and I hope to see you here again.

 

["CJ"]

Strange, the link appears to be working for me. Anyone else having issues?

And you're welcome.

Please reupload. Thanks for the work.
View attachment 1266294

Edit: Only MediaFire blocked. The other two works.

 

[KanCerberus]

1. Please add name change - maybe for both
2. The problem with the premise is - its not a nudism community. Nudist dont care about naked ppl. For them its not different than your daily life would be and has no sexual aspect. Its normal living, just without clothing.
I am not a nudist, but I grew up in a sauna "community" (the german kind, mixed and full naked, just as a point of reference for the strange kind with swimming wear and that stuff). Since my earliest childhood (about 3-4 years old) I have spent nearly every Saturday in the sauna with may parents and my and their friends. I even met some of my teachers there and all of that. So naked people are not that exiting for me - but when they wear sexy clothing ... e.g. that bikini. That is a whole other thing. ^^ - So I guess when she is wearing the bikini it makes sense that he finds that sexier than her pure naked body.

3. She wouldn't be able to enter that community. In general you expect a check in to register, because something like that is gated. And no - walking into the major/president's house while he is having sex has nothing to do with nudism ^^ - The fun thing is ... he tells her exactly that ... so how could they both access the MCs house? ...

View attachment 1266088

So maybe dont call it a nudist community - its more like what Emma said - some kind of sex sect, cult or ... swinging community

Oh and that she dont have any luggage is stupid. - Because her mother must hate her and just want to get rid of her, that is the message that we get by that. There is NO reason for that. And even nudist have clothing you know. ^^
And then you could make some kind of running gag out of it "hey look this nice dress - and now I cant wear it ..." ... stuff like that. And by that you can show her in clothing for a small scene in their home.

4. Give that girl some eyebrows ... PLEASE.

5. All that said, it is a solid start - filesize is way to large for the amount of content even for 4K images. The premise is stupid, but could be improved with some slight changes.
Let her change into that bikini at the check in and sign the papers there. And then they visit the president and his wife to introduce her. Then everything makes more sense (for the stetting at least ^^) and I think it is even a better flow when she sees the MCs home the first time after the beach scene. "Wow so nice, but isn't it a bit small? ... "Yeah, but your options are ... bla bla" ... you get it.

I hope my suggestions are helpful, bc I think this could be a fun little game - stupid premise, but fun game

Fuck, I feel like I'm talking to the Nudist God itsfelf.

I will add the name customization in the next update. It seems that it is a minor detail but it changes the gaming experience quite a bit.

On the other hand, it is true that I have never had a nudist experience. The only references I have are from stories and experiences of other people. So I have to do a lot more research on the subject and probably rename the community, "swinging community" seems like a good idea.
(Have you really come across your naked teachers? Maybe I will add this to the game. Sounds like a fun idea to me!!)

What you propose about creating a check-in scene seems an interesting idea, I will surely add something like that in future releases.

About the premise... I can't sayanything here, you're absolutely right. I was just looking for a fun and simple idea to try making my first game. But it is true that I should give more depth and cohesion to the story, since that would give more realism to the game.

Finally, speaking of the eyebrows ... Now it seems to me that Emma looks weirder than before. What do you think?

​

Maybe I should leave her without eyebrows .
The error will be fixed as soon as possible.

Thank you so much for your advice and for taking the time to write a comment, Trasher2018 . It helps me more than you can imagine.
I hope to see you again here.

 

[tigerdiamond]

ok, you get a watch based on that 4th preview alone.
Those tanlines just hit different

 

[loikl]

Good luck to the dev, it's good to see a game that makes clear from the start the path it wants to take, and I hope it sticks with it.

 

[SeveredRealms]

Fuck, I feel like I'm talking to the Nudist God itsfelf.

I will add the name customization in the next update. It seems that it is a minor detail but it changes the gaming experience quite a bit.

On the other hand, it is true that I have never had a nudist experience. The only references I have are from stories and experiences of other people.

First clue is right there... you have never experienced it yet are throwing a 18 year old virgin into the frying pan that has never been in around or anything related to it then throwing her into swinging.... please keep her out of the swinging crap. Not to mention half the stories are made up fantasies people wish would come true.

 

[Telafoo]

Nice renders and potentially very fun story premise(seemingly light and likely smutty). My only real "concern" would be that at 2GB for a few minutes of reading seems like the game would become rather large very quickly. Keep up the good work, I intend to keep an eye for updates

 

[Kazukitc]

eyebrows

 

[Madjuls]

Good start to the game, keep up the good work.

 

[Simon93333]

3rd game with similar story,what is happening with the ideas of the people? I didn't see nothing new in weeks....

 

[fulgartech]

Young looking women exist, hell young looking men exist, I was still getting carded into my 30's because I've a young looking face.

At the most a petite tag would suffice

LOL, My first serious girlfriend after college looked like a 12 year old boy. She wasn't........ and oh boy could she be a lot of fun.

 

[tonny]

It was actually all pretty good and the dialouge was pretty funny, the renders and animations could use a litte fine tuning, but not bad at all Girl moaning sounds during sex scenes are always a big plus in my book and I would like to be able to change the name of the MC in games

 

[TrialRagnarok]

Alien?

Most likely. I mean, like 90% of the "young adult girls" in these types of game do look like aliens to me, what with the anime eyes in pseudo-realistic faces (read as in near uncanny valley) or with small eyes with a large separation between them like

 

[Johnny Bravo.]

Most likely. I mean, like 90% of the "young adult girls" in these types of game do look like aliens to me, what with the anime eyes in pseudo-realistic faces (read as in near uncanny valley) or with small eyes with a large separation between them like
View attachment 1266837

 

[Atepomarus]

Oh Great! Another F ing game where the MC has a retarded looking dick. That is out of shape for the rest of his body. I realize that developers have a limited supply of renders that can be done, But, Really!

 

[Troy9000]

Renders and models look good, i will check again if we can change the name (not playing with the name Chris)

The name Chris is like KEVIN ... Lol

 

[Troy9000]

Why doesn't the young girl have a brow?

She's part Dolphin maybe ? that beach scene .....

 

[Cr8tive M3dia]

1. Please add name change - maybe for both
2. The problem with the premise is - its not a nudism community. Nudist dont care about naked ppl. For them its not different than your daily life would be and has no sexual aspect. Its normal living, just without clothing.
I am not a nudist, but I grew up in a sauna "community" (the german kind, mixed and full naked, just as a point of reference for the strange kind with swimming wear and that stuff). Since my earliest childhood (about 3-4 years old) I have spent nearly every Saturday in the sauna with may parents and my and their friends. I even met some of my teachers there and all of that. So naked people are not that exiting for me - but when they wear sexy clothing ... e.g. that bikini. That is a whole other thing. ^^ - So I guess when she is wearing the bikini it makes sense that he finds that sexier than her pure naked body.

3. She wouldn't be able to enter that community. In general you expect a check in to register, because something like that is gated. And no - walking into the major/president's house while he is having sex has nothing to do with nudism ^^ - The fun thing is ... he tells her exactly that ... so how could they both access the MCs house? ...

View attachment 1266088

So maybe dont call it a nudist community - its more like what Emma said - some kind of sex sect, cult or ... swinging community

Oh and that she dont have any luggage is stupid. - Because her mother must hate her and just want to get rid of her, that is the message that we get by that. There is NO reason for that. And even nudist have clothing you know. ^^
And then you could make some kind of running gag out of it "hey look this nice dress - and now I cant wear it ..." ... stuff like that. And by that you can show her in clothing for a small scene in their home.

4. Give that girl some eyebrows ... PLEASE.

5. All that said, it is a solid start - filesize is way to large for the amount of content even for 4K images. The premise is stupid, but could be improved with some slight changes.
Let her change into that bikini at the check in and sign the papers there. And then they visit the president and his wife to introduce her. Then everything makes more sense (for the stetting at least ^^) and I think it is even a better flow when she sees the MCs home the first time after the beach scene. "Wow so nice, but isn't it a bit small? ... "Yeah, but your options are ... bla bla" ... you get it.

I hope my suggestions are helpful, bc I think this could be a fun little game - stupid premise, but fun game

On the luggage front, could be that the luggage got lost in transit and has ended up on a different plane. Sorted

 

[Trasher2018]

View attachment 1266459​

Way better ^^

You must be registered to see the links

Just for fun, a french comedy about a boss that want to spend a day in a spa with his employees (and they are not into that stuff ^^) - probably blocked for some countries, because you have full nudity.

You must be registered to see the links

I bet there are communities like yours out there - and even if not, its your game ^^ - But you should try to take your setting serious, even if it is over the top.

Think about it - how would something like that work and what are the protection systems to gate that off. I mean - you even mention it that it is good she is not a minor. And yes that would be a problem, so you have to check the age of visitors and member at the entrance and not some time later.
Imagine a community like that would be near your place, with ppl fucking on the streets or park benches ... especially as a teen - you would try everything to get in there ;P

An absurd premise is not the problem, but many devs just jump the shark and dont take the world they try to build serious. And limits and logical consequences can be great for better storytelling.

Just imagine a check in scene, when they arrive, and she got told what they try to enter ... a lot of potential to show her character and behavior.

Ok .. enough of that. Just do your thing and have fun

 

[KenneX]

My Antivirus says NakedHolidays.exe is infected, first time it's happened to me.