VN Ren'Py Pale Carnations [Ch. 4 Up 4 Public] [Mutt & Jeff]

[GIL3D]

Can't seem to leave longer comments on the Patreon page so I'll leave this here.

Played through all routes of Ch.2. Would like to leave some praise then leave some spelling error stuff/suggestions:

Praise:

- Had lots of fun again! Great work guys! This attention to detail to making the characters "live" inside of their environment instead of seeming pasted in is great, GIL! It seems like this Ch2 was gone through with more of a fine-toothed comb than Ch1. But, like Ch1 there's nuanced writing that shows the writer cares for his own characters, flaws and all. GJ TD.

- As a man who has had relationships with several older women, I can say the dynamics here are pretty spot on. Does some of this come from experience for you?

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- Really gentle writing with the Hana storyline. Well-paced. Not sure what her anger score is for.

- Nice Don Corneo FF7 music, is it? Heh.

- Half-expected, "Go masturbate in the bathroom before entering the office." to be a viable option to fuck with Kathleen before entering her office for your "reward". Or then remark "What's the reward I'm supposed to be noticing?" after she says, "Here's your reward." That kind of "not giving in to her view of men" being the path to gaining points might have been a cool take.

- I like how if you have

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Really appreciate that kind of stuff. Put a big smile on my face during my second playthrough. (Same goes for Felicia but you have to sacrifice quite a bit more)

Notes:

1. Would be nice if when saving, we could start typing the save name after one click and not have to click twice.

2. Rosalind's video interview, if you choose "They weren't wrong." in her answer "here" is misspelled as "her".

3. Would be cool if Mina had a line,

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Instead of "No half-assing." she could whisper so Killian can't hear: "Thanks for helping me before..."

4. Mina's theme music in the cafe shopping date seems to have louder average RMS than the other songs...not sure tho.

5. Not really a fan of the three choices you are presented with at your place

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It's a let down if she is your romance choice in that there is no way to maintain the same chemistry through this encounter even if you didn't take advantage of her before.

I would think that at least if you have the Governor trait, it would give you an out, like ""Why do you think I chose you to begin with? I'm already doing my best for you. None of this was necessary, Rosalind. I'm on your side." but even using that trait doesn't seem to affect the outcome in any way.

6. On the side-date with Felicity after she sends you the second photo and catches you there is a spelling error in MC's line: "I think that would be the least of her issue..." should be "issues".

7. Hana's line when you ask her who her dad is at the pool has an error (maybe?), it says "Fucker now like to pretend he is, at least." I'm assuming that is meant to read "That fucker now likes to pretend he is, at least." Spoken word as written word here comes off a bit strange, imo.

8. Veronica's attitude towards MC in the training section seems somewhat more relaxed. MC observes she is relaxed but doesn't seem to mention at the right time that she is being less of a bitch towards him.

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might be a good throwaway line before they enter the gym.

9. If you choose Veronica, when you get asked to say why, maybe it would be good to replace the "I don't know" option with: "I started with you, and we've got a good thing going, don't we?" i.e., you think she is most likely to win and therefore it makes you look good if she does. Though I suppose that wouldn't justify gaining zero points for that answer...maybe that could be a social chameleon answer? Or maybe that is too upfront for that trait...hmm...

10. A bit too much use of the phrase "Fair enough." by MC. For example, when Veronica says, "That was before I had to guzzle down a bucket of..." maybe MC could says instead "Are you saying that's what took the edge off, or?" Maybe cut out a few instances of those.

11. When Hana suggests somewhat critically that maybe MC would get more women if he had some tats, maybe he could respond with some sass of his own like, "Nah, my identity is solid enough not to need any." for minus points (and plus anger?), haha.

First of all thank you so much for the support, it really is fuel to our fire and it's deeply appreciated. Thanks for your kind words of praise for both of us too! Indeed, there is a lot of care put in trying to make enviroments and backgrounds believable, I'm glad you noticed.

I guess most of your points will be noted by TD, but I could say a couple of things; first, we definitely have never used music tracks that are not royalty free, I'm positive. And about point 10, fair enough We say it so much during our discussions it prolly bleed over the script somehow.

Any news about development? Since it will be only 2 days, should we expect the release earlier, than the previous update, or it will be heavy on events and take similar amount of time?

I can only say development has already started and is going well. We're still not sure how long it will take, but rest assured we will work our asses off to bring it to you guys as soon as humanly possible.

 

[TD1900]

Can't seem to leave longer comments on the Patreon page so I'll leave this here.

Hey! Thanks for taking the time to leave such a meaty comment. As two people creating something, having someone care enough to put that much thought and energy into assessing our work is humbling to say the least. It's greatly appreciated.

I made a note to correct the typos and to take a closer look at your more qualitative suggestions. I agree with a couple of them and will mull the others over more closely after playing through the scenes in question again.

 

[Mister_M]

I've finally played the new update and not only the dev. has Meiko Kaji on the avatar, but there's also a reference to gialli in the game. Plus I love Yoshida's films so it's simply impossible for me not to like the game now (even if it sometimes puts me in a rather uncomfortable situations, where I'd react somewhat different than the MC).

Apart from that I can't add more really than what I wrote in my initial reactions after the 1st release. Very solid and good looking and well thought-out game.

 

[gyupapaa]

I made a note to correct the typos and to take a closer look at your more qualitative suggestions. I agree with a couple of them and will mull the others over more closely after playing through the scenes in question again.

I think I was little unclear about Rose. The rest of the stuff I mentioned is mostly gravy by comparison. I thought it over a little more and would like to put into more detail why I think that part didn't come off well to me, if you'll let me.

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[TD1900]

Anyway, I apologize for writing so much twice. I feel it's really rude to make detailed suggestions about something that is your baby. I am a recording engineer and sometimes producer; occasionally I react negatively when people make suggestions about my "babies". I just feel the story resonating with me, so I felt this urge to speak up and clarify (no I have never written fanfic or anything like that). I'm sure that's the last of my comments to pester you till the next update...heh...Thanks for reading.

Please don't give a second thought about it. I simply take it as a compliment that you enjoyed our project enough to put that kind of thought and energy into your comment. I enjoyed reading it because of that.

In regards to the content of your message, I (personally) think offering to help Rosalind for free carries that same intent and feeling of good will from the player character as what you're suggesting. At least, that's what I intended; I may have missed the mark there in conveying that. No promises that I'll change anything, but I will take a look at that scene again and scrutinize the wording, as in this particular case, it's such a pivotal one for a character that's close to my heart.

Thanks for expanding on your previous comment.

 

[acewinz]

Well this project was quite surprising to me. It's few and far between to find a game with so much substance. The women are sexy, have a lot of character, the story is entertaining, well written, and thought provoking. Then put that in the setting it has and it is has all the makings of something epic even if it doesn't cater to a persons particular fetish. I patreon'd up and will be keeping an eye on this one. If you are one of many that the particular fetishes involved make this not really appear to be your type of game... I'd recommend you try it anyway. The story alone so far will likely be worth it. My only additional desire for this at present is that the devs reconsider adding

Spoiler: desires

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As for the plot. I have a theory to throw at you other players to see what you think and may have discovered.

Spoiler: Plot Theorycrafting Spoilers

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[eightypercent]

Just played CH2 (with the mod) and ... WOW

Amazing game, just gets better and more deviant in every shape and form. What's there not to like?

 

[ElukiaTV]

Found the game by a random chance and tried it because i liked the girls on the banner.
And my god this game just went into my fav folder on the very same night.
Been talking about the game on the LiL discord server, wich reminds me.. Do you dev have a Discord server for this game? i dont see it listed on the OP.
About the game.
Awesome, the setting is nice, "student debt" is probably one of the best non-blackmail motivations that i can think.. so there, you nailed it.
Im not really sure if the stats matter so far... but its interesting to see where it will go. Dunno if making the MC too "tough" will make him insensible about some problems or dramas... (i hope not... i want him being the most "normal" of the club).
About the humor, so far it seems i share the sense of humor with the dev since almost all stupid comments made me crack, and thank god the game doesnt relay into memes and easy jokes. (this point isnt really relevant but ey... its a bonus).
About the girls... well pretty much i like all of them (god i hate K so much, but i guess thats the intention). They are all really interesting characters... you dont exactly know whats the deal with Mina, even if she looks like a "simple" character she is more aware of her situation that what she lets show... Hana is dealing with a lot it seems, well.. what can i say... all the girls in the game are dealing with a lot of stuff, thats why they are there in the first place. I dont wanna talk about spoilers.. so let me just say this. Im curious about all the girls backstories so far.

I dunno what else can i say. Playing this game expecting little was a big bonus, since it felt like i just hit a wall at top speed, and i need more. I wish you good luck with the development!

 

[TD1900]

Been talking about the game on the LiL discord server, wich reminds me.. Do you dev have a Discord server for this game? i dont see it listed on the OP.

We actually just made one last week. For anyone who's interested, GIL just added it to the OP.

Thanks for the kind comment and review, btw.

 

[Envyothic]

Wow Awesome ! ! ! Need more ,can't wait for new update

 

[Retromancer]

About the girls... well pretty much i like all of them (god i hate K so much, but i guess thats the intention).

For my first character my plan is to play myself into Kat's good graces so I can get Rosalind to win. It seems logical to me that Kat will manipulate the game so that all three Carnations will win one of the weeks and then set up a dramatic fourth week where someone will win the final, and if I suck up to my boss it might let me learn how to influence the final vote. The Carnations are the ones I'm most interested in and am excited to see how their stories progress. I'm in the minority here but Mina doesn't interest me at all, and Hana is likable because of her story but I hate tattoos on a girl.

 

[ElukiaTV]

For my first character my plan is to play myself into Kat's good graces so I can get Rosalind to win. It seems logical to me that Kat will manipulate the game so that all three Carnations will win one of the weeks and then set up a dramatic fourth week where someone will win the final, and if I suck up to my boss it might let me learn how to influence the final vote. The Carnations are the ones I'm most interested in and am excited to see how their stories progress. I'm in the minority here but Mina doesn't interest me at all, and Hana is likable because of her story but I hate tattoos on a girl.

Oh, my hate for K isnt because of her personality or how she acts... its because of that second plot she has running on the background.

Spoiler: Experiment

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[burrito107]

I searched, but didn't find a mention of this. There's a small cut and paste error in extras.rpy for the scene replay of the Mina Felicia kiss. The label for that entry (line 75 in mine) should be prAfterPartyMinaFeliciaKiss, not rosetakeadvantage.

Regardless, this is an awesome game! Can't wait to see more.

UPDATE: it's line 75 in modded version linked from the front page. It's line 73 in the actual release. I'm sure the dev could figure that out, but wanted to correct for folks that may not be code savvy...

 

[Retromancer]

Oh, my hate for K isnt because of her personality or how she acts... its because of that second plot she has running on the background.

Kat is not on my heroes list, not at all. Shooting up the MC with an untested drug is not cool and I will be looking for payback in my playthrough. But she is super interesting because she is a villain the MC can interact with and possibly, hopefully, try to exploit/influence. Her little second plot adds some spice and intrigue to the game. I only truly hate villains that seem like forces of nature that just murder people you love like the Mountain in Game of Thrones or Thanos from the MCU. Those kinds of enemies can be great, but I prefer subtler evil in a game and setting like this, and if they are done well I can't really hate them. Be happy to send them to jail though.

 

[Watcher X]

Every now and then you stumble across something special on this site. Amongst all the trash and sewerage a little gem appears, a game you weren't expecting or even looking for.

I saw this game and downloaded it not really expecting too much, the story seemed mildly interesting and the girls, while beautiful, are what you would expect from HS artwork. But my god...

Firstly, there is so much content already in this game. It took me several hours to finish all the current content, and I was captivated almost immediately. The story is so brilliantly written, characters so cleverly fleshed out, the premise of a secret sex club is so dark. I was in a constant state of unease and foreboding for all the girls, at the same time I couldn't look away. Even tho all the girls are willing participants, it still leaves you uncomfortable.

Became a Patreon member as soon as I finished the last chapter. I'll write a review after I collect my thoughts. Truly amazing.

 

[ElukiaTV]

^^^ that right there is pretty much what i wanted to say about the game too, but somehow ended talking about a lot of other random stuff...
Give it a try, people!

 

[EMH]

I just finished the game. I love it ! It's outstanding. Excellent qualities : women are gorgeous, characters are interesting, exciting story and very kinky scenes and despite it's rather new it has already a lot of content. I became a patreon.

 

[tanstaafl]

The Honey Select models for this are pretty next level, I was impressed. The story is well written and I enjoyed it for the most part.

That said, I did have a few minor gripes.
1. Being punished for being supportive is fine for some things, but every single time? Pff, that's just bad.
2. Involuntary domination is rape. Just once, just ONCE I'd like to see a game with BDSM that actually includes a REAL dom/sub relationship instead of the rape fantasies most porn thinks dom/sub is.

Edit: For clarity, rape fantasies are fun too, I'm not complaining about that part. I just want a real dom/sub fantasy to happen in a game at some point.

 

[TD1900]

The Honey Select models for this are pretty next level, I was impressed. The story is well written and I enjoyed it for the most part.

That said, I did have a few minor gripes.
1. Being punished for being supportive is fine for some things, but every single time? Pff, that's just bad.
2. Involuntary domination is rape. Just once, just ONCE I'd like to see a game with BDSM that actually includes a REAL dom/sub relationship instead of the rape fantasies most porn thinks dom/sub is.

I'm happy you enjoyed it, thanks.

Could you expand a little further on your first point? I'm kinda scratching my head there, particularly when it's qualified as every single time.

 

[tanstaafl]

I'm happy you enjoyed it, thanks.

Could you expand a little further on your first point? I'm kinda scratching my head there, particularly when it's qualified as every single time.

It's probably not every time in the game but just happened that every single time I tried to be supportive to a girl in the game that was just destroyed she would clam up or laugh. Might have been coincidental to my choices and the girl I was talking to at the time (couple times with the red head and when the MC had his "interview" meeting with the brunette).