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4.00 star(s) 108 Votes

AdamJohn36

Well-Known Member
Feb 12, 2019
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Lol I won't say no, but I'm not there with the story yet. Maybe!
Oh yeah i am well aware this visual novel is in it's infancy, pun intended, where the story is concerned. I will keep an eye on this visual novel and see if that maybe becomes a yes. My hope is if it does become a yes, it wont be just an ending with them being pregnant without the player choosing to impregnate and experiencing the impregnation.
 

Deleted member 997153

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Thanks again for the support BOTC76! The message at the beginning of the VN wasn't cockiness or bravado. It's to show that we take our art seriously and we WANT people to hold us to the highest possible standard. It's the same reason I call myself SuperWriter. We have A LOT planned for this game.
I'm glad to hear that, SuperWriter, because it did come across as both cockiness and bravado, at least to me.

In light of your desire to have people hold you accountable, I hope you'll allow me to point out a few things that have dampened my enjoyment of the game so far:
  • The MC's character model is stock. I've seen this guy in a number of other games.
  • While the seduction of Paris works well with her character thus far, I found Sasha's suggestion that the MC masturbate in front of her to be unearned. That's not a normal thing for a "tenant" to suggest. Additionally, the suggestion that doing so in a rehearsal room would be less risky than the privacy of a bathroom is laughable. Miracle's seduction is coming off as contrived because it's hard to believe that a borderline agoraphobic and virginal girl would be expressing her sexuality so confidently, especially to her "landlord" of all people. The seduction either needs to be slowed down or made to be more innocent.
  • The panty scene in the car comes off as completely unbelievable for the simple fact that there is no way he could see her panties in the rear-view mirror without first moving the mirror. Anyone who's driven a car knows that you would be able to see only her head in the mirror or only her crotch, but not both at the same time. Porn works because credulity is being strained, but in this case the laws of physics are being broken. Furthermore, there is no way Paris would be able to tell where the MC's line of sight was in order to call him out on it later. Having him move the mirror would make the scene be more believable.
  • This is admittedly a nitpick, but this line really bothers me: "Sometimes you forget how old this eighteen-year-old girl is when she speaks so maturely, despite eluding to her inexperience as an adult; it's ironic." The MC is emphasizing her youth and age in contrast to her mature way of speaking (make it "how young this eighteen-year-old girl is") and I think you mean "alluding" (referencing indirectly) as opposed to "eluding" (evading or escaping.)
I hope you'll take these criticisms as constructive. It's simply the opinion of a meat popsicle, so I'll let you decide what that's worth.

It's not all bad news. I like the Paris redesign and feel like the new look fits her personality much better. I like the sexually-aggressive bad girls, so I'm enjoying her quite a bit. I really like the introduction of Sabrina and I'm a huge fan of her moles! :love:

As I said before, I wish you good luck and I look forward to future updates.
 
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Deleted member 1412183

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May 15, 2019
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I'm glad to hear that, SuperWriter, because it did come across as both cockiness and bravado, at least to me.

In light of your desire to have people hold you accountable, I hope you'll allow me to point out a few things that have dampened my enjoyment of the game so far:
  • The MC's character model is stock. I've seen this guy in a number of other games.
  • While the seduction of Paris works well with her character thus far, I found Sasha's suggestion that the MC masturbate in front of her to be unearned. That's not a normal thing for a "tenant" to suggest. Additionally, the suggestion that doing so in a rehearsal room would be less risky than the privacy of a bathroom is laughable. Miracle's seduction is coming off as contrived because it's hard to believe that a borderline agoraphobic and virginal girl would be expressing her sexuality so confidently, especially to her "landlord" of all people. The seduction either needs to be slowed down or made to be more innocent.
  • The panty scene in the car comes off as completely unbelievable for the simple fact that there is no way he could see her panties in the rear-view mirror without first moving the mirror. Anyone who's driven a car knows that you would be able to see only her head in the mirror or only her crotch, but not both at the same time. Porn works because credulity is being strained, but in this case the laws of physics are being broken. Furthermore, there is no way Paris would be able to tell where the MC's line of sight was in order to call him out on it later. Having him move the mirror would make the scene be more believable.
  • This is admittedly a nitpick, but this line really bothers me: "Sometimes you forget how old this eighteen-year-old girl is when she speaks so maturely, despite eluding to her inexperience as an adult; it's ironic." The MC is emphasizing her youth and age in contrast to her mature way of speaking (make it "how young this eighteen-year-old girl is") and I think you mean "alluding" (referencing indirectly) as opposed to "eluding" (evading or escaping.)
I hope you'll take these criticisms as constructive. It's simply the opinion of a meat popsicle, so I'll let you decide what that's worth.

It's not all bad news. I like the Paris redesign and feel like the new look fits her personality much better. I like the sexually-aggresive bad girls, so I'm enjoying her quite a bit. I really like the introduction of Sabrina and I'm a huge fan of her moles! :love:

As I said before, I wish you good luck and I look forward to future updates.
Thanks for the criticisms! Of course I don't agree with all, but appreciate the feedback and I hope you keep playing! I'll do my best to keep you around and interested, because we haven't even scratched the surface with this game.
 

Deleted member 997153

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This seriously reminds me of those articles that compare porn stars with and without their makeup! :ROFLMAO:

 

ontach

Well-Known Member
Apr 8, 2018
1,222
1,370
I like this game so far. I like the renders, which seem fine to me - I don't know what several others here are going on about. It is not necessary that everyone look their actual age. Just look around you in real life and you'll see what I mean.

The facial expressions are sometimes a touch exaggerated - theatrical (overacting) where perhaps a slight frown and narrowing of the eyes would suffice. However, this is not a deal breaker by any means - as I said, I like the renders.

The writing is rather good too. I like how each girl has her own personality and quirks, and how each personality is changing as the game progresses. I look forward to more episodes.
 

proximus

Member
Donor
Apr 25, 2017
346
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I am not sure if anyone else has issue with it, but fonts in this game are driving me crazy. Light blue color is not the best option, but letter "t" is so annoying that makes my eyes pop out.
I played dozens and dozens of games on this site, and this is the first time i have issues with game fonts to the point that I had to quit after few minutes.
I am fan of Ptolemy and used to be a patron at one point, but can not pass this issue.
My criticism might be harsh and unfair as renders and content are probably decent (as I mentioned, I stopped playing after few minutes) but will have to take a pass.

P.S. It might be issue with my eyes as my vision is far from perfect.
 

arms99

Well-Known Member
May 11, 2018
1,031
2,663
Lol I won't say no, but I'm not there with the story yet. Maybe!
After playing the original demo I decided to buy some of your stories of smashwords including the one this is based on, to get an idea where this is headed (since I’m the type of guy who reads the end of the book to see if it’s worth reading the rest). I really enjoyed it. I did however wish there was impregnation, it was the only thing missing for me (I know plenty of your other stories had it, just not this one). I can already see that the VN is starting to differ with the addition of other characters such as Sabrina. I just hope when the time comes you decide to give us the option to impregnate ;) (I understand that this will be way way down the line).

About the new Paris model, you have Paris frowning a lot. While the old model with her softer features looked like she was brooding, the new model with her more defined features just looks angry (like she’s about to attack the MC). Personally, I think without all the frowning Paris would be far more likeable. Anyway, that’s just my personal opinion. I have to say, even though I prefer the old Paris, the new one has really beautiful eyes.

Also, please please please don't change Miracles character/model. She's my personal favorite and the one I'm going for, the other 2 are more of a bonus in my book.

Just wanted to throw in my 2 cents and wish you all the best with the game. I’ll wait a couple of updates before I give my verdict, but I feel the game has a lot of potential (y)
 
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arms99

Well-Known Member
May 11, 2018
1,031
2,663
I am not sure if anyone else has issue with it, but fonts in this game are driving me crazy. Light blue color is not the best option, but letter "t" is so annoying that makes my eyes pop out.
I played dozens and dozens of games on this site, and this is the first time i have issues with game fonts to the point that I had to quit after few minutes.
I am fan of Ptolemy and used to be a patron at one point, but can not pass this issue.
My criticism might be harsh and unfair as renders and content are probably decent (as I mentioned, I stopped playing after few minutes) but will have to take a pass.

P.S. It might be issue with my eyes as my vision is far from perfect.
I don’t have an issue with the font personally. I recall there was a lot people having issues with the font in ptos team other new game “rebirth” and someone mentioned in the thread about how you can change the font in a renpy game manually. I don’t remember how they did it (since it didn’t bother me), but do I recommend searching that thread.
 
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Hones

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Aug 10, 2018
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To change the font you just need to edit gui.rpy, just look for gui_text_font
Code:
## Fonts and Font Sizes ########################################################

## The font used for in-game text.
define gui.text_font = "cool.ttf"

## The font used for character names.
define gui.name_text_font = "photo.ttf"

## The font used for out-of-game text.
define gui.interface_text_font = "DejaVuSans.ttf"

## The size of normal dialogue text.
define gui.text_size = 32

## The size of character names.
define gui.name_text_size = 60

## The size of text in the game's user interface.
define gui.interface_text_size = 25

## The size of labels in the game's user interface.
define gui.label_text_size = 40

## The size of text on the notify screen.
define gui.notify_text_size = 24

## The size of the game's title.
define gui.title_text_size = 25
 

BigBrotherrrr

Active Member
Aug 28, 2017
738
1,507
Ok. You've added the brows, awesome! That's wise. You changed the older sis, super cool! You could have just make a poll, asking if patrons wanted to change her and they would've almost unanimously said no as they can't tell the difference, but you didn't. That's also wise - no sarcasm. Not as wise as making it right from the start, but still. But. You release an update of a (presumably) porn game with absolutely no fap content. I cannot call it wise at all. I understand your ambitions and all, but for now, it's not that interesting to read about MC's financial problems and about the sisters' dispute. So, imagine you are between Unleashed and Freeloading Family. Don't go towards FF! Stick closer to Unleashed. If an update has to be small, make it small, don't put text just for "more content". And there must be at least some fap content.
 

Deleted member 997153

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it's not that interesting to read about MC's financial problems and about the sisters' dispute.
Personally, I'd actually prefer the focus to be on the sisters' disputes rather than the financial problems because the former seem realistic but the latter comes off as nonsensical. The idea of the MC potentially losing his house because he's months behind on his mortgage comes off as contrived drama because it's not realistic. He's paying his electricity, gas, mobile and internet bills each month, buying groceries, paying for his car, his daughter's tuition, and funding $200/mo water bills, but not paying his mortgage? Bullshit. Banks start foreclosure after six months of no payments, assuming you aren't in forbearance. Only a moron would pay all his other bills first and his mortgage last for the simple reason that half of those bills are dependent on having a house to live in and the other half would be considered luxuries in the face of homelessness. It's silliness.
 

L3z1l3

Member
Aug 19, 2018
431
1,628
The new Paris looks a bit old but at least she is not Asian anymore. I was ok with the previous looks, I'm also ok with the current one.
On the other hand I don't like new girl, whether it's her looks, her personality or her existence. I hope she will be only a side character and not a main love interest.
 
4.00 star(s) 108 Votes