Right.
Here are my thoughts.
For a VN third person is always troublesome. Most of us players want to be able to identify at least partially with the MC, that is made a lot harder if it is written in third person, not first.
Sunny-side up eggs and bacon IS NOT a healthy breakfast. Pictures and text are at odds and it just seems silly.
The English is a bit awkward at times, a few times it seems just plain wrong, though it seems to get better during the course of the demo.
As is to be expected from Ptolemy's involvement, the girls are beautiful, but even in that point, the renders don't seem quite as sharp as I expect from Ptolemy. Still gorgeous girls though.
After playing through it a second time having replaced the "daughters" with "daughter" it really does make a difference and I have to say this is already pretty good.
The only thing weird is how all three girls seem to already be interested in the D sexually, just when he realizes he reacts that way to their bodies and teasing.