VN Ren'Py Completed Picture Perfect [v1.0] [SuperWriter]

[PickyNut]

SuperWriter, I've read your posts about voicing and intention to voice references to MC like "he/him/his". But have you already changed the script accordingly? I mean I'm replaying the game and got to the scene with Sabrina and Miracle in the bed when they're discussing their crush on MC. And I noticed that every reference to MC is "he" or "him":

Spoiler: Quote from the script, ch. 3

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he - 13 times
him - 11
and not a single MC's name.

There is a grammar rule: don't use the same word several times in a row. And for me this is a perfect example why.

I believe you changed MC's name/relation references like that throughout the whole script in order to add voicing, but that catches the eye and doesn't "sound" good at all. That's where the voicing interferes with the quality of the script not for the better.

I think that it may be better to leave the script as it was with MC's name/relation and just make voice actors say "he/his/him" instead. I want to read my name/relationship to the girls, not a replacement. Because you can't make a custom name/relation voiced then just don't make the script's quality worse.

And regarding the voicing itself. I personally muted from the beginning because it's not my thing, but it's nice to see that you care about your game and try to improve it anyway you can. There're always some players who will enjoy that.

Anyway it's just my opinion and I hope you adequately perceive some criticism.
And don't get me wrong I like this game and thank you for your work)

Keep it up, mate!

---
P.S. Right after I wrote this message I found same opinions on that.

Spoiler

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I hope you reconsider your changes and will not overuse pronouns in the future.

 

[MRMIdAS2k]

Started a new game, no Sasha/Paris scenes, any idea what's going on?

 

[Deleted member 1412183]

SuperWriter, I've read your posts about voicing and intention to voice references to MC like "he/him/his". But have you already changed the script accordingly? I mean I'm replaying the game and got to the scene with Sabrina and Miracle in the bed when they're discussing their crush on MC. And I noticed that every reference to MC is "he" or "him":

Spoiler: Quote from the script, ch. 3

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he - 13 times
him - 11
and not a single MC's name.

There is a grammar rule: don't use the same word several times in a row. And for me this is a perfect example why.

I believe you changed MC's name/relation references like that throughout the whole script in order to add voicing, but that catches the eye and doesn't "sound" good at all. That's where the voicing interferes with the quality of the script not for the better.

I think that it may be better to leave the script as it was with MC's name/relation and just make voice actors say "he/his/him" instead. I want to read my name/relationship to the girls, not a replacement. Because you can't make a custom name/relation voiced then just don't make the script's quality worse.

And regarding the voicing itself. I personally muted from the beginning because it's not my thing, but it's nice to see that you care about your game and try to improve it anyway you can. There're always some players who will enjoy that.

Anyway it's just my opinion and I hope you adequately perceive some criticism.
And don't get me wrong I like this game and thank you for your work)

Keep it up, mate!

---
P.S. Right after I wrote this message I found same opinions on that.


I hope you reconsider your changes and will not overuse pronouns in the future.

Unfortunately, it's patreon that's forcing it to be this way, but for those 2 comments that don't like the pronouns, 5 don't like the pauses that come with using inputs. Just have to compromise a little. Sorry about that

 

[PickyNut]

Unfortunately, it's patreon that's forcing it to be this way, but for those 2 comments that don't like the pronouns, 5 don't like the pauses that come with using inputs. Just have to compromise a little. Sorry about that

I perfectly understand that.
But maybe my message was unclear, I wanted to say that it will be better not to change the MC's name/relationship and use "he/him" instead just during the voicing, not in the script itself. Because as it was pointed out already it kills the fun, and most of players don't use voicing anyway.
And in example I provided in my previous message it’seven not clear who the girls are talking about.

Thanks for the reply.

 

[Deleted member 1412183]

I perfectly understand that.
But maybe my message was unclear, I wanted to say that it will be better not to change the MC's name/relationship and use "he/him" instead just during the voicing, not in the script itself. Because as it was pointed out already it kills the fun, and most of players don't use voicing anyway.
And in example I provided in my previous message it’seven not clear who the girls are talking about.

Thanks for the reply.

I think it's pretty clear the girls are talking about the main character, considering he's literally the only male in the game. But I think it wouldcreate more of a disconnect to have the player name or input there and then have the voice actor say something different.

 

[PickyNut]

But I think it wouldcreate more of a disconnect to have the player name or input there and then have the voice actor say something different.

Then what's the point of naming the MC and defining his relationship? There's a disconnect already anyway.
You said that the voicing will not affect the game but it did.

Anyway I see I can't change your opinion on that.
And don't get me wrong, I like the game and appreciate your work.

 

[Deleted member 1412183]

Then what's the point of naming the MC and defining his relationship? There's a disconnect already anyway.
You said that the voicing will not affect the game but it did.

Anyway I see I can't change your opinion on that.
And don't get me wrong, I like the game and appreciate your work.

The girls refer to the MC by his nickname through the entire game, not just 'him.' You took a section of the game to prove your point, but I can also pull a section where they call him [player_nik] several times.

Don't get me wrong, I appreciate your feedback as will definitely consider it, just explaining things the way I see it right now =]

 

[PickyNut]

The girls refer to the MC by his nickname through the entire game, not just 'him.' You took a section of the game to prove your point, but I can also pull a section where they call him [player_nik] several times.

Don't get me wrong, I appreciate your feedback as will definitely consider it, just explaining things the way I see it right now =]

Yeah, I cheated quoting this section but I noticed changes earlier and it was the brightest example from the first 3 chapters I replayed before posting.

Nice to see a dev that answering almost every post

 

[moudy]

So a small "bug" (or rather an annoying point)...

You didn't see these scenes?

Spoiler: Sasha scene

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For some reason this scene did not appear for me I was surprised when the game suddenly ended without warning after sleeping with Miracle in the hotel.

Then I realized (after looking at the code) that if you do not choose to "give in" in chapter 2 while you and sasha are boxing together, you can never get on Sasha route ever again. Since the game is written to be on all parts at once, the code doesn't really know what to do if 1 of them is missing, because you didn't choose the 1 option at the correct time.

 

[sharkrash]

Those voices...
You used girls from GWA Reddit?
Man, I'm sure I heard those voices before...

 

[pds72]

Quick guide to get the most out of the game.

- Be honest.
- Don't be rude, knock before entering their bedrooms.
- Most importantly. If you want to see their naughty bits you have to be a bit naughty.

 

[Deleted member 1412183]

Yeah, I cheated quoting this section but I noticed changes earlier and it was the brightest example from the first 3 chapters I replayed before posting.

Nice to see a dev that answering almost every post

No prob at all. I seriously appreciate the feedback! And you absolutely made great points. I will think about them tonight!

So a small "bug" (or rather an annoying point)...


For some reason this scene did not appear for me I was surprised when the game suddenly ended without warning after sleeping with Miracle in the hotel.

Then I realized (after looking at the code) that if you do not choose to "give in" in chapter 2 while you and sasha are boxing together, you can never get on Sasha route ever again. Since the game is written to be on all parts at once, the code doesn't really know what to do if 1 of them is missing, because you didn't choose the 1 option at the correct time.

If you choose don't give in, I would think you're not interested in Sasha which is why I put the code that way. =]

Those voices...
You used girls from GWA Reddit?
Man, I'm sure I heard those voices before...

Lol no I didn't

 

[moudy]

If you choose don't give in, I would think you're not interested in Sasha which is why I put the code that way. =]

The problem is that even though you intend to not have a relationship with Sasha, you just get a sudden end without the "Thanks for playing" thing. The else statement in code line 1986 in U7.rpy is missing that "Thanks for playing" stuff. Instead you just wake up with Miracle and boom, straight to main menu.

 

[K18]

I liked Miracles party makeover, it even made her and Sasha look more alike, like twin sisters especially with the similar (same? ) hairstyle. Like a brown haired, tattoo-less, kinder version of Sasha .
Which i like, while i know there are some siblings (and family in general) that don't bare any resemblance at all, but for these visual novel games here it's nice to see related characters have some similar family traits once in a while. I played games where in one the MC had black hair and his 3 sisters had blonde, black, and red hair and their mom had brown hair. Just saying, nothing was wrong with it, great game.

 

[Deleted member 1412183]

The problem is that even though you intend to not have a relationship with Sasha, you just get a sudden end without the "Thanks for playing" thing. The else statement in code line 1986 in U7.rpy is missing that "Thanks for playing" stuff. Instead you just wake up with Miracle and boom, straight to main menu.

Ohh, I didn't realize that. Thanks so much for pointing it out!

 

[lionarslan]

SuperWriter
Chapter 7 seems rushed. In first chapter MC had sex with Paris, then for 5 parts he gradually develops relationships with all 4 girls (Paris included) and in chapter 7 - bam! - sex with Miracle. And after sex with Miracle - just fingering with Sasha. Another strange thing, before Miracle sex scene MC announces he buys pack of condoms. Then sex itself, there is no condom in renders, just normal sex without any rubber between genitals. Then, citate "you rip off your codom to shoot your load". Maybe it was worth mentioning that MC wears condom beforehand. And maybe show us that condom in renders. It's confusing and I want to ask a question: what's happen? For 6 chapters it was beautifully written game with logically developing relationships between MC and his dau... girls, why such sudden change? It's like after voicing game there's another writer, significantly lower in quality.
I personally see nothing wrong in way players can have Sabrina scene in previous update. I tried other choices, now I know Sabrina better and all this choices were just 1 outdoor trip, not like I need to change my choices from previous chapters. I'd say that way it's more fun. The way you did chapter 7, in my opinion, you damaged previous style, damaged the feel from the game players had. And while relashionship with Sasha develops normally, the same thing with Paris and Miracle looks like made a huge step forward, like players is some kind of Rip van Winkle, slept a really big period of time and now it's appear we used rubbers and birth control with Paris and shy and timid Miracle said straight to MC's face "Fuck me". And existing-only-in-text condom is just cherry on the top of other things I already described previously.

 

[Deleted member 1412183]

SuperWriter
Chapter 7 seems rushed. In first chapter MC had sex with Paris, then for 5 parts he gradually develops relationships with all 4 girls (Paris included) and in chapter 7 - bam! - sex with Miracle. And after sex with Miracle - just fingering with Sasha. Another strange thing, before Miracle sex scene MC announces he buys pack of condoms. Then sex itself, there is no condom in renders, just normal sex without any rubber between genitals. Then, citate "you rip off your codom to shoot your load". Maybe it was worth mentioning that MC wears condom beforehand. And maybe show us that condom in renders. It's confusing and I want to ask a question: what's happen? For 6 chapters it was beautifully written game with logically developing relationships between MC and his dau... girls, why such sudden change? It's like after voicing game there's another writer, significantly lower in quality.
I personally see nothing wrong in way players can have Sabrina scene in previous update. I tried other choices, now I know Sabrina better and all this choices were just 1 outdoor trip, not like I need to change my choices from previous chapters. I'd say that way it's more fun. The way you did chapter 7, in my opinion, you damaged previous style, damaged the feel from the game players had. And while relashionship with Sasha develops normally, the same thing with Paris and Miracle looks like made a huge step forward, like players is some kind of Rip van Winkle, slept a really big period of time and now it's appear we used rubbers and birth control with Paris and shy and timid Miracle said straight to MC's face "Fuck me". And existing-only-in-text condom is just cherry on the top of other things I already described previously.

It wasn't rushed when you think about how much building has gone on with Miracle over the game so far: Showing her underwear -> asking sisters for a kiss -> MC helping her masturbate and her just being so interested in sex, writing an erotica. And Miracle has been literally dreaming about having sex with the main character. I don't think it was a big shock to hear she wanted to have sex.

As for the condom, I tried to find a solution, but haven't yet, but you have to understand Daz has some limitations, but I'm looking for a solution for that. Though I don't think it's high on the priority list. there are plenty of condoms that are see through and you can't even tell the guy is wearing them -- I have even used the ultra thin condoms =D

But things are progressing normally. Everybody has some type of sexual feeling towards the main character and vice versa. So things will only progress from here on out. There's not going to be any kissing and hand-holding lol. People are sexual creatures. That's why there are 7 billion peopl on this planet. We ALL think about sex

 

[Gman4672]

The best thing I can say is that the first 6 chapters was a great way to get to know all of the girls and start things with them. But this chapter with the Miracle makeover and the after effects of that seems like you just turned her into something that just isn't in her personality. As far as the makeover in my opinion the heels would be to much for her even to walk in and the red lipstick is just to much for someone with her personality. And has far as the voice acting goes the women are good at what they do but it just is don't make the mood any better if they can't call you by what you have set for your MC's name or Nickname but I can see what you are saying about the Patreon issues but I usually just play any games that have any kind of sound effects or music just turned off, but I have played though this with the voices on but won't do it all of the time.

 

[danomator]

It wasn't rushed when you think about how much building has gone on with Miracle over the game so far: Showing her underwear -> asking sisters for a kiss -> MC helping her masturbate and her just being so interested in sex, writing an erotica. And Miracle has been literally dreaming about having sex with the main character. I don't think it was a big shock to hear she wanted to have sex.

As for the condom, I tried to find a solution, but haven't yet, but you have to understand Daz has some limitations, but I'm looking for a solution for that. Though I don't think it's high on the priority list. there are plenty of condoms that are see through and you can't even tell the guy is wearing them -- I have even used the ultra thin condoms =D

But things are progressing normally. Everybody has some type of sexual feeling towards the main character and vice versa. So things will only progress from here on out. There's not going to be any kissing and hand-holding lol. People are sexual creatures. That's why there are 7 billion peopl on this planet. We ALL think about sex

no worries who needs condom anyways. prego bellies for everyone! lol.

 

[darth_hiruma]

Started a new game, no Sasha/Paris scenes, any idea what's going on?

If you didn't see these:

You didn't see these scenes?

Spoiler: Paris scene

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Spoiler: Sasha scene

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And you chose to fuck Paris and dry hump Sasha. Then you got a problem that require dev help.