update was basically some talking and a boat ride. Maybe will have to start skipping a few updates from now on.
I already do that not on purpose just time goes by haha. however it makes for a much better experience if you have 2 - 3 updates to play
- Feb 28, 2018
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Nah, not exactly. Having our MC sexually involved with a pair of maybe-cousins — and mind, a pair of cousins who never knew each other, and who don't know they're maybe-cousins — isn't incest in any book. He isn't related to either of them. I think Aristos was jokingwell the dev just disproved that theory literally 3 posts above yours
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Nope.
And Pandaman Games — I love this game, even the nerdy sidetracks, but a replay gallery would be... nice. Just a request.
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If that's all you got from the update, you missed a lot of content... That was one of the longest updates I've ever made, and it has a lot of lore/plot content.
Has anybody encountered problems with movies not playing? I'm replaying the game for chapter 23 and noticed that in the barn scene in chapter 7 only the still frames are displayed for each movie
True, but there is also a lot of conversation and internal monologue. Anecdotally, I lost interest in chapter 22 more than once. NGL, when the screen for chapter 23 came up and I saw "The Heist" I said "Finally!", out loud.
All that narration of the protag's thoughts about children seems like it could have been worked into conversation. Actually, now that I think of it, none of the narration seems necessary.
Just for an exercise in contrast imagine telling that story with no words, at all:
Image: Protag packing.
Image: Sunset
Image: Protag in thought by the fire, looking at wife.
Image: Zoom in on wife's belly.
Image: Sunrise
Image: Everyone's wearing packs, waving goodbye to Zaya and Lune.
Academically, there's a lot of telling-not-showing going on in chapter 22. And if you think it's necessary to tell the player what they're thinking and feeling I think you'd do well to take a step back and ask yourself what's missing in the visuals or the dialogue or the plot to ensure that the player is where you want them to be on the emotional journey.
The dialogue is just small-talk: it doesn't significantly advance the story or reveal anything about the characters. Snip snip!
As for chapter 23, I was deflated. The outpost didn't seem like a plausible threat to Superman. The guards' eager acceptance of the extremely obvious diversion just made them seem incompetent, further undermining the danger. No tension, no danger, one choice that has no consequence. Meh.
And I know porn isn't the focus of this game, but the one scene in these two chapters was super tame. HBO has more graphic sex scenes. And the point was to show the MC getting "rough"? But, it's like, one perspective on slow, vanilla missionary? And her facial expression never changes from a fixed smile? The visuals weren't erotic and weren't consistent with the story, either.
I don't meant to tear down anything, so sorry if anything I wrote is harsh. But I hope you might get some hint of why chapters 22 and 23 felt like filler, to me. And if so, maybe you'll be able to consider future chapters from another perspective as you're writing and illustrating them. Get friendly with the delete key!
Anyway, I'm still excited to see how the plot develops!
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Thank you for the actually useful feedback! Much more insightful and actionable than "needs incest" or "not enough lewds". I agree that I tend to explain/tell more than I show, since my background is in data and compliance. That sort of technical writing is very much a tell > show style. Now that I'm no longer doing that type of writing IRL, I'm going to work more on my creative writing and visual storytelling skills. Hopefully you'll be able to see an improvement in the next few chapters, but if not, please feel free to let me know if you have more suggestions or critiques! When they're actually useful and constructive (as opposed to coomer rage), I'm happy to listen.
I will admit the first time I played the update I skipped most of the talking. I just now played the steam version, and this time did not skip the dialog. So in short Boat ride. MC, Maria and Emilia talk about the throuple relationship. Then everyone talks a lot about the upcoming heist, they do the heist. The rest of update is basically another Power Point presentation about the past.
so lots of talking about lore, not sure about plot stuff.
But hey if you say this is one of your biggest updates, then ok. Don't get me wrong I like your game (I did buy the Steam version to support you) But for me personally I did not feel the update was all that. I am more interested in the relationship with Maria and Emilia.... and if there is room for Lune and Zaya. Will Maria let the MC have them as well??
But anyway I do wish you the best. You keep making the game how you want (not that you need my permission)
peace
Why such a high rating? Continuous dialogues, everything is very stretched in time. Intimate scenes, on the other hand, are very weak, poorly thought out, and very short. Such a fairy tale for very, very young teenagers...
- Aug 4, 2022
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It's almost like people like a good story or something...
- Jun 14, 2020
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Not everyone is here just for the lewds. Many players enjoys good stories with world building and well developed characters. There's a difference between those who're only here for the porn and AVN enjoyers. The "A" in AVN stands for Adult. That means more than just explicit sex scenes.
- Apr 12, 2020
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Just finished playing all the updates I had pilled up, it took A WHILE! Love how the story is progressing, I did not expect the situation with Emilia to advance that fast but I LOVE the different dynamic she brings to the table (girl is HORNY for us).
Excelent game, excelent vibes, I don't know if the dev is going to limit the harem to just the throuple, but I'd love a blonde girl to complete the brunette/redhead/blond trifecta (I guess it's too late in the story, considering how much development there was with Maria and Emilia, but a man can always dream).
Excelent game, excelent vibes, I don't know if the dev is going to limit the harem to just the throuple, but I'd love a blonde girl to complete the brunette/redhead/blond trifecta (I guess it's too late in the story, considering how much development there was with Maria and Emilia, but a man can always dream).
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You're writing this as it was something bad.
even if after the first 12-15 or so chapters I started to lose a little interest for a bit but started to pick up again this game is still very good and above average id say in terms of story.
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