Your game looks interesting but I will have to pass. The renders are great and the story premise looks good but one of the Li's being a cam-girl was a complete turn-off for me. I've seen several creators do it and it always ruins the LI for me. Maybe you will do it differently but the fact that you are adding in a male character as a big part of the story and then making it multiple protagonists is just too much. I wish you success and I'll check back to see what you do next.
if i remember right as of now she is just a normal streamer i aagree in hoping it dosnt turn into being a camgirl i like the story so far would be a shame to force something like that.
- Jun 16, 2021
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For me it would be good if the relationship with the unknown benefactor (mc) is "soft" and that she begins to like how well he treats her edit (maybe some spicy things you can see, not explicit nudity) (I don't remember if it was the sister I they confirm it, I'll have to play it again) and that after a while she wants to meet him and would be surprised to see that he was the mc
some characters earn a certain sympathy
- Mar 6, 2020
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Let's be honest, she has all the cam girl attitude, a stranger gives her 5000 and the first thing she does is send him a private message "to thank him", and then she starts to change or walk in her underwear in front of the camera, In addition, she find the whole situation or when the MC tells her that she is sexy exciting, it can be said that she is not a camgirl, but it seems that she is a golddigger, iirc, if the mc offered her 3000 nothing would happen, it had to be 5000 for the scene to happen...(I suppose that not paying 5000 is the way to avoid her or perhaps it is the way to not take her down that path and perhaps if she needs the money for something the Mc could give it to her in another way.)
i agree that she is basically one step away i my prefered outcome is like you said if you dont give the money that steers her away. second would probably be you somehow use it to show here its a bad idea how anybody could be on the other side of the screen and potentially use it against her kind of show her the dangers of that kind of thing which would hopefully lead to her staying as strictly a game streamr. i will say if it goes the cam girl route and it isnt avoidable im probably out family members in sex work is a instant no for me.
- Dec 27, 2018
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y luego ella comienza a cambiarse o caminar en ropa interior frente a la cámara
Well, the least I could do was thank him and talk to him for a while, he just donated 5,000 and the other thing about changing clothes, I don't know if the game creator put it just to show us a bit of her and if it wouldn't have an influence in the future (or maybe she likes to play that a bit and isn't necessarily a lucky house) we'll have to wait and see what she's really like
- Oct 23, 2016
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Passion_Portal :
I like what is there so far, the girls look fine, and the writing is mostly okay as well.
Very descriptive, at some points maybe even a little bit too descriptive. Your renders are quite good when it comes to expressions and body language (actually, quite exceptionally so) and you should maybe try to concentrate on describing what we can't see in the render.
Don't get me wrong, something like "Her skin looks absolutely flawless" is perfectly fine, just don't describe everything we see.
If you know your way around US Comics, I call that the Claremont style.
There are a few things I should mention.
For one, you switch between first and second person. You really shouldn't do that.
One is a story told from your "own" perspective, the other is someone else telling your story, basically. You probably see how something like this changing from one sentence to the next can be quite jarring.
You also switch between past and present tense, I've seen that used as a style element, but there it was from one chapter to the next and in the end it turned out that there were two different timelines and from the point they met, it continued in present tense.
Your story just seems to jump from one to the other without reason.
The other thing has to do with grammar, it's a simple mistake, but it is also making the narrator seem simple.
It's "you were" and not "you was." Simple as that. Might be a leftover from where you wanted to remove first-person narrative.
Both of these errors are easily fixed, and that would make such a difference.
In general, there are quite a few mistakes, misspellings, missing punctuations, words missing (maybe that was intentional, maybe you don't want to clarify what Chloe is to the MC, but just leaving it blank is weird), it would be a good idea to go over your text with a proofreader, or you know, there are actually well-working software solutions for that, even as browser extensions.
I saw that most of this has already been pointed out, but I wanted to mention it as well, because your writing is quite good outside those few things and like I wrote with the expressive renders you make, this could become an exceptional VN.
I know you wrote there won't be any NTR and that's good to hear, but please don't let yourself be influenced too much by the constant barrage of people trying to tell you which content to put in and which not. Not everybody thinks optional content matters that much, many are completely fine with stuff just being optional.
With me, for example, I absolutely don't give a damn if there is optional content I don't like. It's optional, so I don't have to play through it. However, I do not claim to speak for all, as some others constantly do.
And it's also not everybody who thinks women have to be nuns and virgins to be acceptable LIs.
A young woman doing a bit of sexy streaming is perfectly fine for many people. It's just that we have a very, very vocal group of people who want every single game to be exactly the same, though they are not the majority, even if they tend to claim they are.
I like what is there so far, the girls look fine, and the writing is mostly okay as well.
Very descriptive, at some points maybe even a little bit too descriptive. Your renders are quite good when it comes to expressions and body language (actually, quite exceptionally so) and you should maybe try to concentrate on describing what we can't see in the render.
Don't get me wrong, something like "Her skin looks absolutely flawless" is perfectly fine, just don't describe everything we see.
If you know your way around US Comics, I call that the Claremont style.
There are a few things I should mention.
For one, you switch between first and second person. You really shouldn't do that.
One is a story told from your "own" perspective, the other is someone else telling your story, basically. You probably see how something like this changing from one sentence to the next can be quite jarring.
You also switch between past and present tense, I've seen that used as a style element, but there it was from one chapter to the next and in the end it turned out that there were two different timelines and from the point they met, it continued in present tense.
Your story just seems to jump from one to the other without reason.
The other thing has to do with grammar, it's a simple mistake, but it is also making the narrator seem simple.
It's "you were" and not "you was." Simple as that. Might be a leftover from where you wanted to remove first-person narrative.
Both of these errors are easily fixed, and that would make such a difference.
In general, there are quite a few mistakes, misspellings, missing punctuations, words missing (maybe that was intentional, maybe you don't want to clarify what Chloe is to the MC, but just leaving it blank is weird), it would be a good idea to go over your text with a proofreader, or you know, there are actually well-working software solutions for that, even as browser extensions.
I saw that most of this has already been pointed out, but I wanted to mention it as well, because your writing is quite good outside those few things and like I wrote with the expressive renders you make, this could become an exceptional VN.
I know you wrote there won't be any NTR and that's good to hear, but please don't let yourself be influenced too much by the constant barrage of people trying to tell you which content to put in and which not. Not everybody thinks optional content matters that much, many are completely fine with stuff just being optional.
With me, for example, I absolutely don't give a damn if there is optional content I don't like. It's optional, so I don't have to play through it. However, I do not claim to speak for all, as some others constantly do.
And it's also not everybody who thinks women have to be nuns and virgins to be acceptable LIs.
A young woman doing a bit of sexy streaming is perfectly fine for many people. It's just that we have a very, very vocal group of people who want every single game to be exactly the same, though they are not the majority, even if they tend to claim they are.
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- Nov 15, 2020
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Interesting that this game is on patreon, and has the tag incest. Of course it wasn't the dev who added it, but it's more of what we expect, that girl to be his daughter in the end.
We can only hope, this story gets another chapter. On Patreon the dev writes that he has less time, so I'm afraid we won't see much in a while, if anything at all...
We can only hope, this story gets another chapter. On Patreon the dev writes that he has less time, so I'm afraid we won't see much in a while, if anything at all...
- Jan 6, 2023
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Update will be this month. No need to get upset
I love an update, it was a very good beginning...Update will be this month. No need to get upset
- Jan 26, 2018
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Okay so the writing definitely needs a lot of work... Renders are top notch, but...
Randomly helping someone prep for an interview is kind of weird but I guess can be shrugged off?
running into while it's dark after the interview in your car and offering a ride? Very creepy. Extremely off-putting when they accept the ride and don't pull out the pepper spray.
offering a job to the fool who got into your car and her accepting it?
not seeing any luggage in this random strangers car who asked you to work as an assistant on a business trip out of nowhere? If I didn't know any better I'd say she's consenting to be murdered.
donating to the sisters stream with "nice xxxxx" is concerning given the prices and responses.
I get this is a porn game but this is just really knee jerking...
Randomly helping someone prep for an interview is kind of weird but I guess can be shrugged off?
running into while it's dark after the interview in your car and offering a ride? Very creepy. Extremely off-putting when they accept the ride and don't pull out the pepper spray.
offering a job to the fool who got into your car and her accepting it?
not seeing any luggage in this random strangers car who asked you to work as an assistant on a business trip out of nowhere? If I didn't know any better I'd say she's consenting to be murdered.
donating to the sisters stream with "nice xxxxx" is concerning given the prices and responses.
I get this is a porn game but this is just really knee jerking...
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Passion
The renders are good.
Will it have animated sex scenes ?
It looks good so far. Can not wait where it goes from here.Update will be this month. No need to get upset
The renders are good.
Will it have animated sex scenes ?