VN Ren'Py Abandoned Robbin' Hoods [0.4.2] [madmate.games]

[madmate.games]

I would error toward more conversation rather than less, also more inner monologue of the MC, and yes he should be emotional/even angry about the situation. He should be telling them that he doesn't give a fuck about them and their safety when his sister is out there somewhere unaware of what has happened to him.

I mean, Anna did save his life... After he went into that alley to help her, that's true, but that does count for something, right?

Anyway, I know I sound too overly critical and I don't want you to think that I am not a fan. Overall I will keep playing the game even if I am rolling my eyes at how the MC is sitting on his butt getting fat on Anna's cooking.

And I'm very thankful for input, especially when it describes the thought process behind it.

Oh, and I forgot to ask, from your previous post:

If they are so desperate for money that they sleep in a bunk bed, and have very little food, it is odd that they hire a maid/cleaning woman to come in and clean the apartment.

Why do you think they have a maid?

 

[MrFriendly]

I mean, Anna did save his life... After he went into that alley to help her, that's true, but that does count for something, right?



And I'm very thankful for input, especially when it describes the thought process behind it.

Oh, and I forgot to ask, from your previous post:

Why do you think they have a maid?

She saved his life and helped her situation, it wasn't altruism. He was, potentially, altruistic depending on the choice the player made. She knocked out someone who was coming for her and then tossed him in a car and didn't take him to a hospital even though he could have died from the injury that he sustained.

I completely misremembered the choice, he had to choose between a present for his sister or money for laundry (not a maid). So ignore that. Still, she should expect that he will get her something for her 19th birthday (oh and nice touch on it being her 19th instead of 18th like every other game out there).

 

[invman]

is the game meant to be incest or just a fan patch?

 

[juan palote]

Honestly, the discussion between Sara and Diana was the most fun/interactive in the game (to me).

It isnt surprising, since those two are the only meaningfull characters that are correctly written so far.

We see her all the time being active and now making choises. To me she feels more like the MC of the game that the dude who is still doing nothing. I think no one have a problem with her to the point to skip her choises. If you ask me what thing I skip, I skip the intro (robed man) and some GoT related scene.

Two kidnappers tell the MC that they will do what they can to let her sister know he is safe, and he automatically believes them and sit iddle.

Two policeman tell Sarah that they will give their patrols the information about his brother and will try to find him and he still tries to do everything in her power to find him without stopping.

One of those is an asshole and the other is a caring person

 

[Mormont]

What was the MC hit with a truck? fists of concrete must have been one hell of a punch to floor the guy for a day.

The asshole of the MC sits iddle, doing nothing and sleeping peacefully when his little sister is left alone,

Yeah, I guess for the story he was told to stay put, but I think for any normal human reaction would have been to at least get out the house and find her I'd have been in much more of a panic especially if the MC had known she went to the alley where the incident occured.

 

[Spawn420]

chapter 2 seems to be missing the game UI like save, and so on... weird considering worked fine for chapter one...

 

[Maethir]

Is the incest patch not working? I downloaded and placed it in the game folder but he is still referring to Sarah as roommate.

Edit: NVM I figured it out

 

[micojive]

Not to just pile on...but kind of going to pile on.

I absolutely hate how the MC has acted the entire start of this game through 2.2. I kind of agree with most people in here, if he really cared about his sister no way in hell is he going to be banging the people who are keeping him "captured" I like the sister so far, she seems like she actually cares about her family, but the MC can just fuck off so far. He should be doing everything he can to leave the house, not sleep with everyone.

And sorry, the narrator isn't very good imo. It was kind of...sort of...maybe passibly funny right at the start but he got old REALLY fast and just sounds like a douche, which is actually how the MC is acting so maybe that part kind of fits.

I'll give it another release or two, because I do like the sister but not super promising for me.

 

[kimjongun92]

The "Hello There" bit was as surprise to be sure but a welcome one.

 

[Moleman111]

A couple of points:

Should get rid of storyteller or robed man, it's annoying and it takes up renders

While I don't mind following other character's perspectives, felt like it was too much in this update and a lot of it was kinda of boring, perhaps more training of the MC could have been shown instead and I agree with most that the MC is a bit of bitch he should have been planning to get out of the house, but the game has potential

 

[Real Kreten]

And seriously, get rid of the storyteller, its really, really hurting your game and you dont seem to understand how much its hurting it.

I am pretty sure many people closed your game in the first minutes of gameplay and will never touch it again because of that stupid introduction, and every appearence after that (middle of the fight, tv in Diana's appartment, etc) were just as bad as the introduction.

I can sign this.

I didn't get through the introduction scene. The moment I found out that MC is this buffoon, I was discouraged completely. Whom the author wants us to empathize with, the storyteller or his listeners?
When I read here in the discussion that MC is similar to asho*e further along the road as well….

 

[eddie987]

I can sign this.

I didn't get through the introduction scene. The moment I found out that MC is this buffoon, I was discouraged completely. Whom the author wants us to empathize with, the storyteller or his listeners?
When I read here in the discussion that MC is similar to asho*e further along the road as well….

It's not that he's an asshole, it's just the way he handles a certain "situation" that doesn't really make sense. I don't want to spoil the story, so let's just say that for someone who is supposed to care so much about his sister, he has a weird way of showing it...
"She might be in danger! Should I try and go to her? Naaah, two girls I just met said that she's probably fine, so I'll just bang one of them or go straight to bed..."
At the same time she's crying herself to sleep, while calling every hospital to check if he had an accident... And that's after she spend all day looking for him...
The story is interesting. The problem is that the MC is mostly decorative so far...

 

[Ayhsel]

Very very good!! I am really liking it!!

 

[madmate.games]

Hey guys! Wanted to post an update yesterday but the site was down.

Anyway, tl;dr version:
I figured out what the issue with the MC's behavior is and I will fix it (again, and this time properly).

Spoiler: Much more detailed explanation, bring a pillow!

You don't have permission to view the spoiler content. Log in or register now.

I'll also look into the opening scene and see if I can change it a bit. I get that some people just want to jump into it and a long explanation from narrator may cause the same effect as starting a story with worldbuilding segment, but in this case more amplified since it throws off the reader from the character all together.

 

[BarbarrossaNA]

-This is meant to be first and foremost a learning project. Therefore any kind of criticism is both welcomed and much appreciated.
Of course, saying "yo game sux", while still helpful, is unfortunately lacking in detail, so please try and be as verbal as you can.

Hope you'll enjoy Robbin' Hoods. Cheers! - I read this... and just finished your 'Ted Talk' above. Soo

after making a couple runs.. and reading a lot of the comments I want to say I appreciate you keeping the great atitude with regards to the feedback. Is this game a home run? no.. but considering it's 'a learning project' I'm pretty impressed with what I've seen so far. The MC's reactions were a bit off.. but with a few changes and considering the damage from the sucker punch and blow to the back of the head while falling it could still work. And while I did enjoy the scene with Malady it was out of place considering the situation at that time. Maybe cut/relocate that scene/chance of scene somewhere and make the other choice a default choice.. Also play up the lingering effects of his head hitting the pavement as part of why he couldn't do more when Malary came home empty handed.. IE - the MC stubbornly shook off Anna's hand on his shoulder and headed for the door almost in a panic with the thought of his roomate's safety and state of mind running through his head.. But as he reached to open the door another wave of nausea rolled over him and brought him to his knees..

Hell I don't know.. just a thought And as these thoughts run through my head.. another one? A long shower for him as he tries to shake off the lingering effects of the long night.. then lead that into the fight training..

Great renders.. and with some cleanup as you suggested on the script I believe this game to have a decent future.. If some of what I've written and tried to express seem to ramble.. forgive me I've been playing and reading most of the night and as I look at the clock.. it's 6:20 AM.. time to try to sneak into the bed without waking my wife.. and getting a couple hours of sleep..

 

[juan palote]

Hey guys! Wanted to post an update yesterday but the site was down.

Anyway, tl;dr version:
I figured out what the issue with the MC's behavior is and I will fix it (again, and this time properly).

Spoiler: Much more detailed explanation, bring a pillow!

You don't have permission to view the spoiler content. Log in or register now.

I'll also look into the opening scene and see if I can change it a bit. I get that some people just want to jump into it and a long explanation from narrator may cause the same effect as starting a story with worldbuilding segment, but in this case more amplified since it throws off the reader from the character all together.

I will keep playing it, because your attitude is the right one and the renders are fine.

I dont think changing the dialogue would suffice, i still think the MC needs to try to escape (even if he fails), no true caring brother would just stay without doing nothing. He needs to try to break a window or the door, he needs to ACT, he needs to be more active. As active as Sarah is (with the limitations that he is being held hostage), trying to do everything within his power to find her

BTW, you need to understand that while you, the writter, know those two girls arent the bad guys, the MC doesnt, and therefore its not believable that he trusts so much in his captors, which eventually led to the mistakes of him being too passive.

MC screwing Malady makes no sense under any cirscunstance, you need to relocate that scene, because it makes no sense there, for both of the characters.

About the robe man, the initial scenes areq the worse because they are long, but every single one of his participations suck. him interrupting the fight is lame, and him appearing out of nowhere in Diana's apartment makes no sense. I think it would be easier for you to get rid of him and change your future script to not include him

Anyway, i contratulate you for your attitude and trying to find what you did wrong and hope

 

[TiffanyMonroe]

I mean, Anna did save his life... After he went into that alley to help her, that's true, but that does count for something, right?

I chose to not have my mc be a whiteknight and still got roped into that shit lol He doesn't owe her a damn thing.

 

[micojive]

I'll also look into the opening scene and see if I can change it a bit. I get that some people just want to jump into it and a long explanation from narrator may cause the same effect as starting a story with worldbuilding segment, but in this case more amplified since it throws off the reader from the character all together.

This really is a reply to everything not just this part...didn't want to copy the entire message

I guess only time will tell, i'll give it another chance at the changed dialog. But just for me personally I don't see anything that would be said to me that could keep me from my sister. At the end of the day, he is taking the word of someone he has known for <1 day over his own and putting that above someone he has known his whole life. Whether she is right or wrong doesn't really matter, people don't think logically in those situations, especially after being captured like that. I know if I was in MC shoes and I didn't know if my sister was ok or not, there isn't a damn thing those two people could do to stop me from leaving.

To the point of doesn't the MC owe something to the girls....hell no. Mc stepped in (maybe if you made the choice) got knocked out and has had zero conversations and zero interactions with them by the time he wakes up. You walk into an ally, get k/o'd and wake up in a strange room and the first thing you think of doing is trusting those people you are with? Nah lol thats just stupid.

So sorry its not great feedback based just on writing, but for me personally without a fundamental change in the beginning of the story, not just a little dialog differences, I don't really see how I will come to like the MC let alone want to continue playing as him. Like I said, i'll give it a chance but I'm not super hopeful just based on what was said.

 

[MrFriendly]

I am willing to give the game more time, especially as you are listening to feedback. However, I hope you don't dramatically change the underlying story because the audience isn't happy. TBH I don't think the audience is ever going to be completely happy no matter what is done.

Best advice I can give is try to look at your story from not only your and the audience's perspective but from that of each character. Why would any of them trust each other? Why would they help each other?

Finally, even if the MC couldn't remember his sister's contact information don't they have any friends or neighbors or places of business they frequent? They don't exist in a vacuum and should have people that they can talk to besides each other. Even if it is a bar that they hang out in once in awhile. Point being that if you are trying to relay a message to someone you live with and can't call them who could you call to leave a message with?

 

[madmate.games]

If some of what I've written and tried to express seem to ramble.. forgive me I've been playing and reading most of the night and as I look at the clock.. it's 6:20 AM..

Not at all. Some interesting ideas I'll keep in mind for the future! Thanks for that, I'm always looking for new inspiration!

I will keep playing it, because your attitude is the right one and the renders are fine.

I hope I'm not making a mistake by being direct, but honestly, I think trying to soldier through this game is just not a good idea. You made 9(!) posts in this thread, most of which are repeating the list of issues you found with the game over and over and over again. And I can without a doubt say that many of the things that you dislike about the game will remain in the future releases...
I get that you'd like to like the game, and I appreciate it, but there are many other games with far better renders and a story you'd find more compelling and much less frustrating. Just my 2 cents.

I chose to not have my mc be a whiteknight and still got roped into that shit lol He doesn't owe her a damn thing.

Yeap, getting roped into it is pretty much the point. I might down the line make a poll or something if people would like for me to make some fake endings... I personally dislike them, and I believe many don't care about them, but it's still something to think about.
In this particular case, just imagine MC went back home and never had anything to do with Robbin' Hoods.

So sorry its not great feedback based just on writing

That's perfectly fine. I understand where you are coming from, but the priorities will be to get back to something closer to the original implementation.
I can't promise it will be satisfactory, in fact, I'm pretty sure some people will still dislike it, maybe even more if their mindset stays in the current iteration of the problematic dialogue, but overall it will be for the better, and that's what matters the most.

I am willing to give the game more time, especially as you are listening to feedback. However, I hope you don't dramatically change the underlying story because the audience isn't happy.

Can't sit on the both chairs, mate
On a more serious note, as I said, the dialogue will be dialed back in one scene to the original tone from release version, but more nuanced and better written (while there was much less wrong with it in the original version, it looked like it was written by a 12 year old and I'd like to avoid that). I'll probably pepper in a couple of lines and renders here and there, but for the most part the interactions and characters will remain the same.