You are absolutely right about tone of general writing and the way mc talks. We re-write those parts and changed the way mc talks to others. Starting with 0.2,we will be much more careful and try to write more natural and simple dialogs. Thank you so much for your commentAs many have mentioned, the writing leaves a lot to be desired. It's not the Engrish that's the problem per se, more the tone and attitude that reflects back on the characters.
The use of expletives in practically every sentence, ("you fuck," "you whore") just comes of as nasty after a while. Couple this with the fact that MC refers to every character (other than the one he bangs), from the precinct's Sgt to the Donut Store owner, in a derogatory fashion every time he even thinks of them - and the MC comes off as an insufferable asshole whose issues and story arc I couldn't really care less about.
It's kind of a shame as, on a technical level, this game is good. Renders, especially the use of lighting, is superior in quality than almost any first time devs. Models are also well designed (tattoos are ok with me) but the characters are just too unlikable for me.
Thank you so much. Trying to be funny in other language is really hard and we might overdid some jokes and wrote some cringy offensive lines. We already changed lots of dialogs and planning to share 0.1b as soon as possible. Please always share your thoughts and suggestions with us and never hesitate to point out the mistakes you've foundNot really much to add that hasn't been said. You have some really good visuals in this game and that is easily the strength of it at this time. The premise sounds good and gives you plenty of room to play with the plot as the story builds. I appreciate that English isn't your primary language, and quite frankly if I created a game and translated it into another language there is little doubt it would be much worse than what we have here. There were some nice touches of humor and I have to say I didn't see the end coming, so nice plot twist.
I think what I would like to see improved most is the banter with his partner. Their banter came off as crude and insulting, not playful, at points they almost sound like they hate each other. I look forward to seeing the next release and thanks for the game.
Based on the endorsement of the good fellows at Ronco, I'll give this a second chancegot a peek at the revised game...our team at RobCo industries is working day and night to find better solutions ..due to allergies from hell..i wasnt able to concentrate well and get into the nitty gritty..but just by red eye stuffed nose glancing over it..the dev has done alot to address the issues...fortunately..we at RobCo put our topline Scotsman on the case so it should be awesome once its ready to try again..y'all should be happy...the dev cares..give him some in return.
RobCo..we do not make pocket fishermen'sBased on the endorsement of the good fellows at Ronco, I'll give this a second chance
But what about Julienne Salad?RobCo..we do not make pocket fishermen's
Does RobCo make a Master-Baiter Mate, for people having trouble with baiting their worms?RobCo..we do not make pocket fishermen's
Hi djkunn It's too early to answer that question right now. We haven't written that part of the story yet. Still, I think it will be in a way that won't spoil your enjoyment.Purple Fellas can you tell me if the body swap is avoidable? id rather go all time with one mc, not having to swap.
i think is pretty easy to reply, a yes or no is enough, im not into body swaping games ( if is only 1 or 2 scenes i may play it but if this is going to be that kind of game where you are always swaping to other mcs id rather pass)Hi djkunn It's too early to answer that question right now. We haven't written that part of the story yet. Still, I think it will be in a way that won't spoil your enjoyment.
I understand much better now and I can say that it won't be like "Betrayed". Bodyswap will be a very small part of the story.i think is pretty easy to reply, a yes or no is enough, im not into body swaping games ( if is only 1 or 2 scenes i may play it but if this is going to be that kind of game where you are always swaping to other mcs id rather pass)
i dont even play Betrayed from Joraell for that same motive and is a pretty amazing game with crazy good animations.
Actually mc doesn't go on a date in full uniform, he only wears it during "full body search" scene And about the last scene. Mc has no idea who that person is but she knows everything about him. Thank you so much for giving us another chance and sharing your opinions. With 0.2 and 0.3 we will go a lot deeper with game's story and show you our original plans for mc and his futurePurple Fellas
I re-downloaded and gave it another go.
the language has definitely improved so that's a real plus as it now seems like a visual novel instead of a slideshow with writing, as that was how it seemed before.
one improvement I would make is adding an image of the family together at the start as introducing characters without visuals seems a little bland.
at the end the character '???' asks "who are you?" after already expressing about 'meeting this way'. that seems odd after they already implied that they already knew who the MC was.
also, the MC goes on a date in full uniform? that's odd.
these are just minor nit-picks in what is essentially a much improved and very good start to a visual novel. the visual side is good and now the writing is on par. it shows that you have the skills to create a good project. its a little early to make any assumption about the premise as there is still little to go on but time will tell....
its a promising start
About ??? Askin who are you part. It was supposed to be mc who asked to unknown person. Sorry about that, we will fix it as soon as possible.Purple Fellas
I re-downloaded and gave it another go.
the language has definitely improved so that's a real plus as it now seems like a visual novel instead of a slideshow with writing, as that was how it seemed before.
one improvement I would make is adding an image of the family together at the start as introducing characters without visuals seems a little bland.
at the end the character '???' asks "who are you?" after already expressing about 'meeting this way'. that seems odd after they already implied that they already knew who the MC was.
also, the MC goes on a date in full uniform? that's odd.
these are just minor nit-picks in what is essentially a much improved and very good start to a visual novel. the visual side is good and now the writing is on par. it shows that you have the skills to create a good project. its a little early to make any assumption about the premise as there is still little to go on but time will tell....
its a promising start