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Hi, it's been a long time.
This is going to be a long post not related to the games because after christmas I will dedicate time to answer your messages and focus on the games.
To make it short, I didn't had a good year and after the incident with my sister everything went even worse. Taking care of my sister with the constant fear of losing her was a situation that I was not prepared for. Add this to the fact that most of my things were stolen when I was moving and you can guess that my mental health was not the best. I also had to balance this with my job and working on the games.
In the end I found myself unable to do anything. I tried to do everything and I wasn't able to do anything, that's what was happening. I couldn't dedicate time to Patreon, I was too tired to do a good job at the warehouse and I felt like I wasn't doing enough for my sister and her husband. There is also another personal problem that I'm not going to mention.
In the end I snaped and suffered a mental breakdown in public. Not going to enter in details, but it was not beautiful. The feeling of impotence, the frustration and the excesive amount of work... I was too arrogant to admit that it was too much for me and that was the result.
But it's not all bad news. I swallowed my pride and went to a psychologist soon after. I explained the situation to my boss and family and I finally think that I'm in control again.
My sister also accepted the situation and is getting help daily to fight her depression and an assistant to help with the house. Luckily my boss has a golden heart and told me to rest until january when I can go back if I want.
Since I lost my parents when I was young, I've always been a very independent person who took care of my own problems while trying to take care of my sister and her own problems, and never in my life did I thought that I would be in this situation, and maybe if I talked about it sooner this situation could be avoided.
I'll spend a few more days with my sister and I'll be back to my home to take care of my own problems once for all. Even know I'm a little ashamed that I ended like this, but if you can see a smilar situation reflected on you, please, don't be ashamed of asking for help. Maybe it will go again by itself or maybe you are suffering a depression. The risk it's not worth it. It's not always about being sad, it has many faces and all of them look in the same direction.
I know that the advice of a warehouse worker that makes porn games in secret doesn't sound very relevant, but let me tell you one last thing. While I was working for the "big A" I suffered a stroke that left me in bed with the risk of not being able to move part of my body and the rehabilitation was extremely painful, and if it wasn't for the help of the doctors who were with me every day, maybe I would still be in bed. I feel like this was the same. If I tried to keep going alone, without treating my problem, I would still be sick.
I hope that if someone is having a bad time and is reading this, finds the courage to accept that maybe the thing that he or she is missing, is someone else's help.
Thank you for reading and I want you to know that I'm finally back. Thank you so much for your kind messages and for asking about my health in private, soon I'll be able to spend time here to speak with you. And for those who sent me hateful messages, it's ok, I understand your frustration and if you stick with me, soon you will see content again.
Merry christmas!
pd: You can't imagine how hard was to write this message and how awkward I feel!
pd2: sorry for reading this kind of stuff in a site like this, I know that you are not here for that, but I found it necessary to speak about it
