VN Ren'Py Abandoned The Manifest: Shadows Over Manston [v2.2] [White Phantom Games]

[WhitePhantom]

Some thoughts:

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I highly recommend changing the cover art for this project, particularly on Patreon. They've been shutting down pages because characters "appear" to be underage, never mind any disclaimers.

The game doesn't really grab me, but that may be because of the lack of content. I'll likely come around for the next version.

Hey, the first point, if you don't put in a name it'll auto-name you Scott Nixon, the wife has a name too, just leave it blank.

The cops are supposed to be idiots because those two are bent and stealing half the drugs for themselves, after the next update I'll change some of the scenes to show them taking the drugs in the past and make it clearer.

Yeah it could be and it might be in the future, that stuff was the very first stuff I made so it's not that great, but when I'm rendering on a laptop felt bad not to use it considering it took a while.

I will get that fixed with the return button.

If you say it's classified, she's supposed to sound sarcastic when telling you it's on the news and you're obviously bullshitting, I'll have another look at that conversation.

I got knocked out by a puck once and woke up in hospital, they let me get up and go home and shocked the shit out of my girlfriend by just showing up? I didn't know they're supposed to notify people. I might change it to you were supposed to be out tomorrow but they say you can go early.

It's helpful with the feedback, I've got a list of factual errors to revisit and fix, as most of that will be text based I'll make sure that's fixed by the next update.

Thanks for all the feedback from you all

The girls do have different backstories for being held back, I'm am going to keep them as being held back, due to the fact I think it's more realistic than having a senior year with only a few people and no guys, and I'm not doing backstories for a 30 person class, I'd rather keep it focused.

 

[myuhinny]

I didn't see any stepshitter stuff but then I deleted step out of the file so that they are father daughter. Hannah looks hot MC is just another fake dick loser you see in 90+% of these games and it's starting to get boring. Was really short. I did see some errors in the sentences. Can't wait to check out Hannah more.

 

[Vezzeli]

I got knocked out by a puck once and woke up in hospital, they let me get up and go home and shocked the shit out of my girlfriend by just showing up? I didn't know they're supposed to notify people. I might change it to you were supposed to be out tomorrow but they say you can go early.

Well, I don't know do hospital need to inform, but if I or some of my family member where in this position, I'm quite sure they have been visiting there and know exact day, or at least call when you are ready to leave. But hey, that's me and my family

 

[Badboll]

I dunno how rendering works, but work on the facial expressions and teeth a little. Some of the characters in the game so far are looking a bit scary, especially that wife of his. I've seen other devs use the same looking models, maybe it's the rendering program that creates those creepy unnatural faces. Idk what you could do about it on your end, if you actually can do anything about it, if you can great, if you can't oh well buhu. Game seems fun though! So gj with that part.

 

[Neil lucas]

its good game

 

[gusxxx]

About the hospital, yes it is strange how he leaves. one suggestion how to make it better with 2 lines of dialogue:

– Doctor: I will call your family and let them know they can come pick you up.
– MC: that is not necessary, my car is already here and i'd like to surprise them

you get the idea or something in those lines...

 

[myuhinny]

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Or you tell the doctor that you'll call them on the way home but get distracted by that sexy ass Hannah and forget about the phone call.

 

[gusxxx]

Another point that I found confusing in the introduction divorce papers.

In the first play trough I had no idea what that option entailed. I actually taught the other cop was my wife (yes I know, different names, but I barely knew any of the characters at that point)

Don't get me wrong, I like the idea of the divorce possibility and you can get a lot of mileage out of the whole: should I divorce or not, keep the affair, still love my wife and etc..

I guess you just need to present the characters, motivations and background more gradually, there is a lot to learn and we just started the story. Same with cops being crooked and possibly the interest in the stepdaughter, loads of interesting possibilities there, but not much exposition yet.

 

[pavar]

A 5.56x45 (or lower pressure .223) causes a worse hydrostatic shock than a 7.62, especially at close range. The reason it was adopted by the worlds military's was specifically for it's ability to cause large internal hydrostatic wound channels while weighing less and being more controllable than the higher caliber rounds.

Also consider that there are a *wide* variety of 7.62 rounds... Everything from 7.62 Nagant to .300 H&H Magnum are all 7.62...

For all we know, he was referring to the 7.62 Nagant, which has ballistics similar to a .38 special.

(A very unique round and gun to be sure, worthy of interest)
View attachment 86116

Good point, I didn't think about the hydrostatic shock at close range. Thank you for the correction. Besides, if the dev fixes the medical aspect, I think this might become a moot point. Even a BB gunl's hit at the specified point would be to much (I think).

 

[myuhinny]

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I think he was in the process of leaving the wife for his partner. If you look at the variables she has something like 75 for I think it was love.

 

[balvenie1401]

@WhitePhantom no patreon or website?

 

[AGoodDay2Die]

A 5.56x45 (or lower pressure .223) causes a worse hydrostatic shock than a 7.62, especially at close range. The reason it was adopted by the worlds military's was specifically for it's ability to cause large internal hydrostatic wound channels while weighing less and being more controllable than the higher caliber rounds.

Also consider that there are a *wide* variety of 7.62 rounds... Everything from 7.62 Nagant to .300 H&H Magnum are all 7.62...

For all we know, he was referring to the 7.62 Nagant, which has ballistics similar to a .38 special.

(A very unique round and gun to be sure, worthy of interest)
View attachment 86116

They say "rifle", game is set in America where we don't really accept the evil metric system (so what is referred to as "7.62 NATO" in much of the world goes by its REAL name - ".308 Winchester",) so the use of "7.62" and "rifle" almost certainly means either 7.62v54R (19th-Century Russian military rifle round), or 7.62x39 Soviet (as used in the AK-47), most likely the latter. No one would EVER refer to a .300 H&H Magnum as a "7.62"!

Needs darker text on the "Saves" page. The wife doesn't look as if she got half as much care from the artist as the other few characters we've so far seen. MC was brought to the hospital by ambulance: why on earth would his car be there at all?

 

[daedilus]

They say "rifle", game is set in America where we don't really accept the evil metric system (so what is referred to as "7.62 NATO" in much of the world goes by its REAL name - ".308 Winchester",) so the use of "7.62" and "rifle" almost certainly means either 7.62v54R (19th-Century Russian military rifle round), or 7.62x39 Soviet (as used in the AK-47), most likely the latter. No one would EVER refer to a .300 H&H Magnum as a "7.62"!

'7.62' is just the metric equivalent of imperial .300 caliber. .308 is actually 7.82 mm, not 7.62, another misconception of the imperial measurement system.

Any '.30 caliber' round is 7.62... I haven't played the game, so i did not know they said rifle, was only going on what i saw in the post. Ergo, if you are anywhere that uses Metric, and needed to have your 300 H&H Magnum rounds created, you would order it by Metric size, e.g. 7.82x72.39.

There are only 3 countries on earth that don't use the Metric system, Burma, Liberia and the USA, and it's not gonna last. Holland and Holland (the company that makes the .300 H&H mag), being British based, has already converted all their calibers to Metric, and give the loading info in Metric now, with the imperial equivalent as an afterthought

 

[Butcer]

Might be intresting if it goes anywhere but lets face it , 99% of all these projects go nowhere, having a good idea is one thing implementing it is another

 

[Butcer]

One thing that kills so many of these projects is feature creep, even though you dislike publisher like ea and activision you sometimes do need them to reign in on devs with deadlines and such. Ive seen projects that are doomed from the start because they start with a insane goal like having 50 diffrent women to seduce, Alright but when you have not even finished a single one of them in 3-4 months whats makes you think you can ever finish 50, how about just start one or two and after you finish that you start the others. And if thats not enough some projects just keeping pilling up more and more characters in each update and never bothering updating the ones they created in the last update, such projects are doomed

 

[Butcer]

the devs behind something unlimited are a classic case of these, its a team of what 2-3 guys and each update you make you keep just pilling on more and more charachters having end goal in sight and always making it less likly to be finished. Because hey when you have spent years on finishing just a couple of charachters why not just keeping pilling on tens of more, and of course when you have such a pie in the sky dream with endless things you have to finish you burnout. And then some of the devs thing its a great idea to start making another game while making the one they spent years on finishing, if you cant finish one in years what the hell makes you think you can do two

 

[WhitePhantom]

One thing that kills so many of these projects is feature creep, even though you dislike publisher like ea and activision you sometimes do need them to reign in on devs with deadlines and such. Ive seen projects that are doomed from the start because they start with a insane goal like having 50 diffrent women to seduce, Alright but when you have not even finished a single one of them in 3-4 months whats makes you think you can ever finish 50, how about just start one or two and after you finish that you start the others. And if thats not enough some projects just keeping pilling up more and more characters in each update and never bothering updating the ones they created in the last update, such projects are doomed

Well hopefully bud this won't happen. I'm aware of this problem, which is why I've tried my best to limit the characters down. For the next several updates, the primary characters you'll interact with will be Hannah, Penelope and the Wife. Whilst some others will be introduced throughout the story, there is significantly less time spent with them and it's primarily to try and keep the story going. I mean I interact with at least 40 different people every day through work etc, it'd be mad if I only spoke to 2-3. In future updates these characters will become more fleshed out.

Regarding the ammunition, the medical stuff will be being rectified. I'm British, we don't have guns, when I was on holiday I went on a course using an RK 62, this shot 7.62mm, so that's why I picked that ^^

@WhitePhantom no patreon or website?

Not yet, not enough content to justify you paying, maybe after the next update

 

[CloudX]

when will the updates come out

 

[WhitePhantom]

when will the updates come out

I'm not 100% sure, I planned on just adding getting your job as the next update, and it was going to be pretty quick.
Now I've added a morning scene (incomplete), the school (complete), police station (complete) after work (complete) and evening (incomplete). So I've got about 30-40 more renders to go, and some of them are taking about 16hours on my laptop. It should double the story length though, plus I'm building a desktop Monday which I hope will significantly reduce the render times going forward.

 

[Halfelf]

i say take your time. I for one would rather have you do your story right and with as few bugs as you can then have it rushed. Dont get me wrong i like what you have so far and cant wait for the next update. But like i said i would rather have it done right not rushed.