VN Ren'Py Abandoned Solve the Riddle [Ch. 1.2 fixed] [Father Confessor]

[GrannyJuices]

Not going to play for a few updates so we can see what content/choices will be forced on the player, but God damn that is one hot ass MC!

 

[desmosome]

It's awesome that there is already so much attention for this game. If you guys run across any serious typos or grammatical errors, throw the heat for that my way. I was the proofreader and editor for this game. These guys that made the game are great and I am super happy to have been able to work with them on this.

I don't think they used your proofreading on this version. Either that, or their proofreaders need proofreaders.

It's not a case of some grammar issues and typos slipping through. The entire thing is a grammar issue.

The writing itself could use some work though. It's hard to make out what the MC is even supposed to be. He just seems like a crazy bipolar fucker.

 

[Jsd16]

Planned : MMF , Group sex have to wait for few updates to check whether they are avoidable before trying out .
Can't trust developers these days adding unavoidable scenes in the middle of the game , last time I played dev added unavoidable NTR in middle of the game ( dream scene ) and got away with it .so I'll wait for few updates before playing it .
If it is avoidable I'll give it a try , if not then this is not a game for me .
Good luck with ur game dev and for being upfront about ur planned tags .

 

[leon02457]

Yeah go milfy

 

[DeadGiant]

I don't think they used your proofreading on this version. Either that, or their proofreaders need proofreaders.

It's not a case of some grammar issues and typos slipping through. The entire thing is a grammar issue.

The writing itself could use some work though. It's hard to make out what the MC is even supposed to be. He just seems like a crazy bipolar fucker.

That's quite the comment. I normally would take offense to such a thing, but I really don't have the time, patience, or energy to do so. I respect that you have your own opinion on this game, but there is no need to be so rude and disrespectful about it.

 

[Deleted member 2030943]

I like the concept. Good luck dev team.

 

[desmosome]

That's quite the comment. I normally would take offense to such a thing, but I really don't have the time, patience, or energy to do so. I respect that you have your own opinion on this game, but there is no need to be so rude and disrespectful about it.

Sorry if it sounded offensive. Not trying to be rude. Just stating facts.

Grammatically, just about every line has issues. I'm not saying it's unintelligible nonsense, but it certainly reads like it was written by a non-native speaker.

The way MC is behaving at the start with the secretary seems kind of ridiculous, but maybe there is a plot reason for this that I am missing. First time hearing about a "hangover boner," but that is kind of a stupid reason to make him act like a total dick to a nice secretary unless you want to tell us that MC is, in fact, a prick. Then there is the flashback with the previous secretary where he is just acting plain retarded.

Whatever the case, the MC does not come across as anything other than a fool in the first 5 minutes. If the goal was to create a gruff and cynical MC who has been through a lot, it failed to achieve the result, at least in the opening segments. After the whole limo and secretary nonsense, the MC begins to shape up a bit more. Now we can kind of see what type of person he is.

Similarly, I was beginning to get immersed in the world and the plot that was being set up after the initial blunder. This is the type of writing that could definitely tell an interesting tale with some flair, despite the problems in the English. Obviously, it would be elevated to greater heights if it didn't have so much mistakes in grammar and weird usage of idioms.

The other problem is that your choices seem to do nothing. The stats seems to do nothing. I tried picking all the simpy gentleman answers, and the MC still goes off the secretary and acts like an asshole most of the time. Basically, the choices will affect a stat, and the immediate text that comes after the choice, but it doesn't affect MC's actual personality at all. The text lines that are independent of choices will play the same way regardless of what type of MC you are trying to play. This is a common problem in these games and a lot of care needs to put in the script and code to remedy this. This is not an easy fix and presenting a consistently believable MC with different choices and stats is very hard. Not expecting this to change, so we will just have to deal with an occasionally bipolar MC.

It was a good first release, all things considered. It's a nice hook to get people interested in the world and the mystery surrounding the MC. Game shows promise in other areas like the renders, animations, camera work, sex scene direction, music, etc. I'm not expecting miracles for the coding structure and the way the choices work, but the English issues could at least be addressed.

Anyways, good luck. Despite all my criticisms, the game did get me interested with it's story. I will follow it for some more updates.

 

[hobobobb]

Everything will be optional, guys. So, don't worry about your ladies.

Putting this in bold, capital letters, in big, bright font with Italic's on the first page or under "Notes" or "Developer Notes" will do wonders to reduce the number of people who "See tag, check notes, (don't see 'avoidable') and then click 'Ignore' button".

Seriously Dev, by NOT putting a comment like this on the first page you have probably ALREADY garnered yourself a bunch of 'Ignore' buttons.

You might also want to comment that NTR specifically will be optional and explain exactly what 'optional' means to you.

It might sound like a needless/silly or outright stupid step, but it WILL reduce (if not stop) NTR firestorms (which can start when you have any content that goes beyond "Only MC's cock") and encourage many of the players who stay away from those tags/fetishes to try your game.

Sorry, if my comment seems rude, it's not meant that way, only trying to be constructive & helpful.

P.S: Is it NTR/Not-NTR debate is pointless, many people call anything that includes "more than the MC sexual times" as NTR. Debating the label isn't going to change how they think about it. The best you can do is be honest with your tags/future tags, give an explanation of content, if needed, and explain if it's avoidable or skippable or whatever.

P.P.S: Final bit of advice.
Make the game you want to make, your way, including whatever content you want. Just be honest with the tags and descriptions.

Best of Luck!

 

[Look-see]

we should be given an option to change MC's last name since everyone seems to call him by that instead of the name we choose for him.

even in his thoughts he's reffered to as "riddles".

Kinda sucks MC found out Cath was sleeping around to go up the career ladder which makes me annoyed the sex scene was forced.

renders and animations are great though. but yeah the last name issue is a big problem.

MC being a dick is a nice change of pace but sucks we cant choose how he responds in certain points.

 

[Father Confessor]

I don't think they used your proofreading on this version. Either that, or their proofreaders need proofreaders.

It's not a case of some grammar issues and typos slipping through. The entire thing is a grammar issue.

The writing itself could use some work though. It's hard to make out what the MC is even supposed to be. He just seems like a crazy bipolar fucker.

proofreaders made their job, it was us who decided not to correct some grammatical mistake to save writers narrative.

 

[Boehser Onkel]

proofreaders made their job, it was us who decided not to correct some grammatical mistake to save writers narrative.

you know this comment will backfire hard
the audience at F95 jumps on this kind

the game looks nice , but yeah the reading was abit ..hard

 

[Father Confessor]

you know this comment will backfire hard
the audience at F95 jumps on this kind

the game looks nice , but yeah the reading was abit ..hard

thanks for your comments.
we'll figure it out.

 

[Ursus4321]

Hey, Guys!

EnGrish is our first language. So, there might be some minor and major grammatical mistakes. The text have been proofread, but still you could see weird things in the text. Hope you'll enjoy the game. Have a nice one!

Edit.
All the tags are avoidable, if don't like something you'll have a choice to skip it. No one will will have something intimate with the main LIs, except MC. You can share some random girls with your friends. Again, if you don't like that, you will have a choice to skip.

Do I have the option to skip or avoid? Not the same at all

 

[Grubb Raines]

Someone linked this game to me on disc earlier today, not sure if it was the dev or someone else involved in the game; I’m even less sure as to why, but I’ve had a quick look anyway.

Translation: Straight off the bat, there’s an apparent, ‘robotic’ consistency in the dialogue that’s all too common in these translated games… You can google translate anything to English, sure, but in doing so, you risk losing the idioms and/or greater meaning and emotion you’re trying to portray to the reader. I can’t help but feel bad for the devs out there who’re paying for these translation services and end up with what appears to be a direct copy paste from google.

If you want your audience to identify with characters and become enthralled in your game, those characters need to speak and think like real people.

Punctuation and spelling: Largely all over the shop. Please, guys, being a “Native English Speaker” doesn’t exempt you from running a quick ‘spell check’. Proofreading in the traditional sense is a two person job, failing that, (at the very least) just run a spell check. There’s a few free programs out there with varying ranges of intervention, can we start using them?!

Narration: There appears to be a complete absence of it. As far as stories go, visual novels cover a lot of the scene building you’d otherwise have to do in a text-only story. (there’s truth in that ‘picture equals a thousand words’ saying.) This, however, doesn’t mean that all non dialogue should be the MC’s thoughts. You don’t narrate to yourself every movement you make, (as you make it) in life…

Visceral monotony: I have an immense admiration for solo developers. The painstaking time and effort that goes into creating some of the renders we’re seeing lately, it’s so impressive. (This game is no exception.) Then, combining that with thought-out, intriguing stories, (ALONE) it’s just incredible.
So, in saying that, why bore the reader to death with seemingly never-ending scenes that exist only to cater for monotonous internal dialogue or narration? Cut the fat! Devs, ask your testers or proofreaders for feedback regarding story-bloat, then try to avoid it at all costs! The quickest way to turn a reading audience into a skipping, ‘viewing-only’ audience, is to bore them.
If the point can be made, (but not lost) in fewer words, then do so!

Despite my grievances, I really liked the renders. The effort spent on scene building is obvious, and the character models are attractive and unique. Story concept is also really interesting and unique, which is refreshing, it’s just a shame that it’s so lost in translation - literally.

 

[harsha_26]

So, MFM scenes will be only with side girls or also with love instrests too? And is there any Milf love interest in this game?

 

[Boehser Onkel]

Someone linked this game to me on disc earlier today, not sure if it was the dev or someone else involved in the game; I’m even less sure as to why, but I’ve had a quick look anyway.

Translation: Straight off the bat, there’s an apparent, ‘robotic’ consistency in the dialogue that’s all too common in these translated games… You can google translate anything to English, sure, but in doing so, you risk losing the idioms and/or greater meaning and emotion you’re trying to portray to the reader. I can’t help but feel bad for the devs out there who’re paying for these translation services and end up with what appears to be a direct copy paste from google.

If you want your audience to identify with characters and become enthralled in your game, those characters need to speak and think like real people.

Punctuation and spelling: Largely all over the shop. Please, guys, being a “Native English Speaker” doesn’t exempt you from running a quick ‘spell check’. Proofreading in the traditional sense is a two person job, failing that, (at the very least) just run a spell check. There’s a few free programs out there with varying ranges of intervention, can we start using them?!

Narration: There appears to be a complete absence of it. As far as stories go, visual novels cover a lot of the scene building you’d otherwise have to do in a text-only story. (there’s truth in that ‘picture equals a thousand words’ saying.) This, however, doesn’t mean that all non dialogue should be the MC’s thoughts. You don’t narrate to yourself every movement you make, (as you make it) in life…

Visceral monotony: I have an immense admiration for solo developers. The painstaking time and effort that goes into creating some of the renders we’re seeing lately, it’s so impressive. (This game is no exception.) Then, combining that with thought-out, intriguing stories, (ALONE) it’s just incredible.
So, in saying that, why bore the reader to death with seemingly never-ending scenes that exist only to cater for monotonous internal dialogue or narration? Cut the fat! Devs, ask your testers or proofreaders for feedback regarding story-bloat, then try to avoid it at all costs! The quickest way to turn a reading audience into a skipping, ‘viewing-only’ audience, is to bore them.
If the point can be made, (but not lost) in fewer words, then do so!

Despite my grievances, I really liked the renders. The effort spent on scene building is obvious, and the character models are attractive and unique. Story concept is also really interesting and unique, which is refreshing, it’s just a shame that it’s so lost in translation - literally.

to the point
nothing more to say

 

[serhatdozdiyik]

looks promising, watching the thread for our lovely assistant!
good luck with the project dev!

 

[Jeevant]

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Solve the Riddle [Ch. 1]
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[Harry6hp]

Looking good
The renders are great
will be following to see what happens next
Good luck Dev , hope you guys will be looking into l the problems with the things others mentioned
Have a good day

 

[Father Confessor]

Do I have the option to skip or avoid? Not the same at all

completely avoidable