Ok ...
1. Dont use the last name for everything. It feels weird, especially with the HUGE!!! amount of thoughts.
2. Get rid of the thoughts ... the only missing thought is "keep breathing" ... I dont know how your brain works, but I dont think about everything I do all the time.
Trasher2018 thoughts
I am typing in the F95 board, to point out my problems with that game.
3. Get a new proof reader and/or writer. The engrish is to strong. Dont get me wrong, there are worse games out there ... . But it feels more like a adjusted machine translation than real writing with a proper translation. I read that you didnt use all the corrected text because of "save writers narrative." - what? Do we play an immigrant that has problems with the language, but is thinking in it? ...
- There is NO excuse to keep grammar errors and stuff when it is not to show that someone is not fluid in a language or maybe mentally impaired.
4. The MC ... the look is good, but the character itself is a borderline maniac. Probably a bipolar disorder or something like that. He acts like a 12 year old douchbag that never got is dick in a pussy and is just bragging about his former "achievements".
I mean - there is nothing wrong with that in general, but I prefer to play a successful man with more (self-)confidence and to be polite and charming. Some of his answers are that, but they dont seem to affect how he acts most of the time. They just change the following sentence and change a stat. Best example is when he enters the office and thumbs into his assistant. No matter who you act, all leads to him thanking her for the honey. Even after he put her down and shouted at her.
The whole hangover o so horny thing is stupid. Maybe my hangovers were special, but the last thing I cared about was sex. I just wanted the sun and all other light to vanish forever and that all birds and living beings disappear.
- I endured all that until the restaurant, then I started skipping, because why bother with the engrish and the psycho MC without the right name.
The renders look really good and I guess there is potential in the game, but the writing has some major issues - in the end it is called visual NOVEL.
small stuff: get your style in line. You use 4 different fonts. Dialog, menu, stats icon, stats text. You could attach the stat icon the to top of the screen - now it just floats around.