Well, not everyone
likes him. Certainly not Karen, who wants to "fix him". But ultimately, this is a contrived example. Either all these women have the same character and attraction profiles (in which case why are you writing five LIs when one would do?) or, the guy is some shitty VN protagonist who casually manipulates women by acting differently with each of them. The whole situation reads like it was designed to give Sally a swooning target.
Hmm, on second thought, this would work perfectly if you set this in a posh high school and none of them were above 16
That sounds like negging, and a smart woman would notice it, especially given his dickish reputation. It could work if Sally is more of an airhead, though.
It is
absolutely a contrived example. But that said, I have so many questions...
Why would a woman try to "fix" a flawed guy she
wasn't attracted to? How do you know
anything about their characters when I've barely mentioned them here? How can they have the same 'attraction profile' if they all saw a different side of the MC, to the point where they describe him differently?
Actually, come to think of it... you can't have it both ways. Either they're all attracted to the same "type," or else he's telling them each what they want to hear. I'd argue that if I do my job right, I can make a case for neither? But how the heck could it be
both at the same time!?
The point of the scene was
definitely to give Sally a swooning target, so at least that part came through, but the whole reason I used a character like Sally as a focal character was because she was the best vehicle to show (one example of) what might happen if a guy acted differently around different people.
Hmm, on second thought, this would work perfectly if you set this in a posh high school and none of them were above 16
Wait,
what? Okay... not gonna lie, this part threw me for a loop. I was prepared to be told that the whole concept was flawed. Or that I wrote them too much like guys. Or that I did not understand women in any meaningful sense. Or that I couldn't write my way out of a paper bag. Those would have been tough to hear, but at least I could understand where you were coming from with them.
But instead, you're telling me that it's actually a perfect treatment, but only for rich 16 year olds?
What on earth happens when they turn 17? And why can't everybody else afford it?
That sounds like negging, and a smart woman would notice it, especially given his dickish reputation. It could work if Sally is more of an airhead, though.
I'm starting to think I may not know what negging is. I thought I did, but maybe I was wrong. Does negging require intent? I was under the impression that negging was a deliberate PUA technique used to make women feel insecure as part of some sort of tactical game that shouldn't be offensive if the pro-PUA crowd is right, and shouldn't get results if the anti-PUA crowd is right.
I'll admit that I was ambiguous about the MC's intent, and maybe that's something that I need to work on. But it sort of feels like you're adding a bunch of loaded context that's not part of the text.
His reputation isn't that he's dickish. His reputation is that
it depends on who you ask. Is that supposed to be a red flag in real life? I figured it would only ring as
especially weird to someone who digs deeply into other peoples' relationships.
What about this meme format?
Is that weird? Is it an unreasonable take? Does it not make sense to you that one person doing one job could be percieved differently by different people in their life? Or could this same principle apply more generally to how a person talks or acts around different people?
If a woman annoys me, and I respond with something catty or insulting, is that de-facto negging? If I make a joke and it goes over a woman's head, and I don't immediately correct her, is that de-facto gaslighting? What about if I do the same thing, but to a man? These aren't rhetorical questions. I
genuinely do not understand, and would like to learn more. Maybe these terms don't mean what I thought they mean. Post links to articles or wiki pages or whatever if you got 'em.
I was trying to write infatuation and petty drama, not
grooming.
Maybe the problem is I'm just a jerk, so i have no idea how to write non-jerks? But... no, if that were it, surely the women would read as jerks, too. It would read like Total Drama Island, or something. The audience would be rooting against all of them.
I sincerely can't tell how unreasonable I'm being, here.
Anyway, thank you for your feedback!
I hope I can learn from it.