Bad example, Tom is never treated as anything other than one of the henchmen with a little more privilege. For example at the beginning of the story when Michael is a stranger to the family business Tom is incredibly respectful towards him because he is the son of the boss
Tom is a lawyer and respectful for everyone he talks to. But Tom and Santino were in power after the assassination attempt on Don. Or rather Santino, but he completely relied on Tom's judgements. Both of them didn't trust Mike, not in the sense that they suspected him of something, but simply didn't believe that he was capable of helping them in gangster showdowns. And only when he took the initiative into his own hands and literally got involved in family affairs did they begin to respect him. And we should go in off-topic thread to continue this.
But the dynamics between Zanes was a bit different. Leia and Will were raised almost as Helen's and Dylan's children. They were "firstborn" Their attitude to the kids didn't change with the unexpected Katie's birth. So, the MC treats Helen with formal respect and is a bit afraid of her, but not Katie, she's their bibi. And Leia does the same.
"Uncle" Joe is presented by the feds as an enforcer for the Zanes, which puts Leia below them anyway. Even imagining that Joe is external at the moment the operations pass to Leia as an associate she must answer to his superiors
Well, maybe it will be clarified later. Maybe she's been assigned to this position by that guy with moustaches who was lecturing her in those flashbacks from her childhood. Obviously Joe doesn't trust Scarlet, and Helen is muted

Why not Dylan, I have no idea. Probably will be explained later.
A lot, take Tulsa King for example to see the differences between a small organization with local power and the interactions between mafia families.
Man, no, please. Just no. Just not Tulsa King, it's pure comedy, and I'm still under the impression of the detailed analysis, precisely from the point of view of the character's behavior within the framework of criminal relations. In short, bullshit, made for show. And we have to go to the off-topic thread to continue.
But even there you can see that once you set foot on foreign soil, you will have serious problems with the locals, no matter how respected your family is in the mafia hierarchy. You have to be really desperate to do it. Young runaway "recruit" is not a cause to do that.
And don't get me wrong, I'm not saying this is a perfect story based on the memoirs of former mob bosses, claiming to be accurate showing of the thug life. Moreover, it takes place in Wollust, a completely fictional city located in a fictional country reminiscent of a mix of Europe and America. Within its own logic and rules, the plot is quite consistent.