VN Ren'Py Completed Sunshine Love [Ch. 3 v1.01i Extras] [MrDots Games]

[Trikus]

Mostly I loved the update. I need to go back through to find all the donuts/peeping tom stuff so that will be fun. If I had one complaint, it is that MrDots really needs to work on scene transitions, especially ones that show time has passed. For example when on the "date" with Jazmin, Jazmin notices the food arriving, then it cuts right to them finishing the meal. A fade out would have been perfect there as it shows time passing. And a fade out isn't hard to do in RenPy. This is all the code needs to be:

        scene black
        with dissolve
        scene black
        with Pause (2)

basically I like the update, but the behavior of "SIS" (goes away for 3 days) is really nonsense; then I didn't appreciate the FORCED kiss with my cousin, even though I always deliberately chose the wrong answers .....

Considering how her mom does the same thing, and people are more like their parents than they like to think, Sis taking off when things get too heavy is actually not that hard to believe.

 

[Chrisdarock19]

OK, I know this has already been covered several times by others, but . . . does anyone actually proofread the dialogue before approving it for each new version? There are, of course, the usual more minor mistakes, like "keeping taking deep breaths" or "Hello, this is [the MC] speaking?" (does the MC not know whether he just answered the phone?). In addition, sometimes the speaking is just wordy or out of place: "it looks like our food is on its way here" instead of "here comes the food"; or "she da bomb" — what decade is this supposed to be?

But here and there, it's incredibly stilted, awkward, and unrealistic:

Spoiler

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At this point, Mr. Dots is quite a successful development studio, so these types of mistakes shouldn't be a thing. They really need to hire an editor to approve dialogue. Don't get me wrong: I like the game on the whole, but the dialogue really could use some work.

100% THIS ^^

 

[Trikus]

OK, I know this has already been covered several times by others, but . . . does anyone actually proofread the dialogue before approving it for each new version? There are, of course, the usual more minor mistakes, like "keeping taking deep breaths" or "Hello, this is [the MC] speaking?" (does the MC not know whether he just answered the phone?). In addition, sometimes the speaking is just wordy or out of place: "it looks like our food is on its way here" instead of "here comes the food"; or "she da bomb" — what decade is this supposed to be?

But here and there, it's incredibly stilted, awkward, and unrealistic:

Spoiler

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At this point, Mr. Dots is quite a successful development studio, so these types of mistakes shouldn't be a thing. They really need to hire an editor to approve dialogue. Don't get me wrong: I like the game on the whole, but the dialogue really could use some work.

Some people were raised to use language correctly, some people take shortcuts and throw in slang. It shows their level of education.

 

[xvertion121]

God dam it, I thought MC is gonna fk Ashle on this update............

 

[Trikus]

If I had one complaint, it is that MrDots really needs to work on scene transitions, especially ones that show time has passed. For example when on the "date" with Jazmin, Jazmin notices the food arriving, then it cuts right to them finishing the meal. A fade out would have been perfect there as it shows time passing. And a fade out isn't hard to do in RenPy. This is all the code needs to be:

        scene black
        with dissolve
        scene black
        with Pause (2)

Ok, I need to take back this complaint. I opened up the scripts for the game and it DOES have the fade out code. For some reason I'm not seeing them when I run the game. I wonder what that is about.

EDIT: Ohhh, I had the skip transitions options enabled. Don't I feel like a dumbass right now. I'll see myself out.

 

[cxx]

does anyone actually proofread the dialogue before approving it for each new version?

i take typos as easter eggs as devs test if players actually read txts.

 

[lordfridge9]

Is the version here the patreon one? It's usually the sub version so I didn't question it before

 

[cxx]

Is the version here the patreon one? It's usually the sub version so I didn't question it before

1st leak was patreon version but that was half a day ago.

 

[Skeltom]

OK, I know this has already been covered several times by others, but . . . does anyone actually proofread the dialogue before approving it for each new version? There are, of course, the usual more minor mistakes, like "keeping taking deep breaths" or "Hello, this is [the MC] speaking?" (does the MC not know whether he just answered the phone?). In addition, sometimes the speaking is just wordy or out of place: "it looks like our food is on its way here" instead of "here comes the food"; or "she da bomb" — what decade is this supposed to be?

But here and there, it's incredibly stilted, awkward, and unrealistic:

Spoiler

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At this point, Mr. Dots is quite a successful development studio, so these types of mistakes shouldn't be a thing. They really need to hire an editor to approve dialogue. Don't get me wrong: I like the game on the whole, but the dialogue really could use some work.

It's the same with all of his games. He says it's supposed to be British English but I think it's just over written poor English. Don't get me wrong I like his games for the most part but the writing is the weakest part of them, you would think after this many years it would improve to be less like robots. Because like I have said no human I've ever known has talked like they do in his games.

 

[Trikus]

It's the same with all of his games. He says it's supposed to be British English but I think it's just over written poor English. Don't get me wrong I like his games for the most part but the writing is the weakest part of them, you would think after this many years it would improve to be less like robot. Because like I have said no human I've ever known has talked like they do in his games.

Since I'm British, it would explain why I don't have a problem with the dialogue in his games. You Americans destroying our language .

 

[Prolotus]

My save files are gone... Do you know what could be the reason? Mods can do this? I also saw my other renpy saves are gone too but i didn't use any mod for them.

 

[cxx]

My save files are gone... Do you know what could be the reason? Mods can do this? I also saw my other renpy saves are gone too but i didn't use any mod for them.

mods don't affect saves (as of deletion). only if you or some1 else empties renpy-folder under appdata then saves are gone except those in saves folder.

 

[Chrisdarock19]

Since I'm British, it would explain why I don't have a problem with the dialogue in his games. You Americans destroying our language .

I'm British too and the MC does tend to go on a bit... Maybe it's suppose to be a character quirk. Kind of like an idiot savant, just without the much of the savant..

 

[Skeltom]

Since I'm British, it would explain why I don't have a problem with the dialogue in his games. You Americans destroying our language .

British or not It's still over written and robotic. Just a few examples of many.

Spoiler: Examples

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[peter1212]

I had the android version 0.04 installed but when I try to update it to 0.05 it loads for about 30 seconds and then says app not installed. This happens for both the normal and the alternative version. Anyone know why this happens?

 

[Trikus]

British or not It's still over written and robotic. Just a few examples of many.

Spoiler: Examples

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The only one I agree with is Yuki's internal dialogue. I see no problem with the first or last example

 

[Demieker]

British or not It's still over written and robotic. Just a few examples of many.

Spoiler: Examples

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Personaly i dont see anything wrong with those, it still is a novel and you should read it as a book with a lot of pictures showing.

 

[Skeltom]

The only one I agree with is Yuki's internal dialogue. I see no problem with the first or last example

So people you talk to tell you ever little step of what they've done?

 

[Tallion]

OK, I know this has already been covered several times by others, but . . . does anyone actually proofread the dialogue before approving it for each new version? There are, of course, the usual more minor mistakes, like "keeping taking deep breaths" or "Hello, this is [the MC] speaking?" (does the MC not know whether he just answered the phone?). In addition, sometimes the speaking is just wordy or out of place: "it looks like our food is on its way here" instead of "here comes the food"; or "she da bomb" — what decade is this supposed to be?

But here and there, it's incredibly stilted, awkward, and unrealistic:

Spoiler

You don't have permission to view the spoiler content. Log in or register now.

At this point, Mr. Dots is quite a successful development studio, so these types of mistakes shouldn't be a thing. They really need to hire an editor to approve dialogue. Don't get me wrong: I like the game on the whole, but the dialogue really could use some work.

True, it can also be noted that most of the update was the long dialogues...i didn't really feel much progress

 

[Uzhirian]

The only one I agree with is Yuki's internal dialogue. I see no problem with the first or last example

You talk weird then
I agree that a lot of the dialogue is overly wordy (especially the internal monologues).

Eg1. Use of "Got changed" means there is no need to explain what was changed.
ie. Vicki was still asleep, so I carefully snuck out of bed, got changed and left her place. = same info but spoken like a normal person.
ie2. Alternatively: Vicki was still asleep, so I carefully snuck out of bed, put my dress and heels on and left her place.

My biggest problem with Mr Dots games is that they need to use more of the visual element of a visual novel to convey character and less internal thought explanations.