VN Ren'Py The Missing Part [Prologue] [jPk vns]

[Terminator_26F]

I just finished the prologue and I think I flooded my keyboard. I felt a similar emotion with "Acting Lessons", one of the very first VNs I watched, 6 or 7 years ago. Some other VNs have deeply moved me but not to this extent. Losing your wife and daughter one after the other, I don't know how I would have reacted because I had neither one nor the other. I hope the following chapters will be of the same quality. I'm ready, I bought a waterproof keyboard...

 

[Hadron-5]

Good start for an emotional VN. Hits right in the feels.

The writing is a bit off unfortunately, as is common with the first chapter. Please cut down on the exposition and make the conversations less wooden in their style.
Try to make the characters say things that real people in that context might say rather than give the entirety of the context and background in the speech itself. I understand that you want the relevant information to come across, but the characters (all the employees in the hospital in particular) sound too much like AIs.

Trust your audience to figure things out on their own, and everyone will benefit. Readers will be more invested in a story if they have to participate, and you will find it a lot easier to write if you can focus on the things that matter in the text. Both of those seem quite important to the story you are wanting to portray.

Oh, and I'm deeply suspicious of the daughter's age. She is quite developed for an eight year old and sounds closer to ten or eleven.

 

[grahegri]

TheMissingPart-Prologue

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[CaptDaddy24]

Yeah I made the mistake of playing this......Then I decided to play Having a hard time to cheer myself up, then got twice as sad with Lisa's story......Worst day ever!!!

 

[Arly]

Worst shit ever.

 

[DrakoGhoul]

The overview is pretty vague, which is fine as I'm assuming it's intentional. Everything else looks good though, so count me in. I'll play this one.

 

[ZagorTeNay]

If anyone knows him irl, someone smack that knucklehead that gave this one star review.

 

[FatGiant]

Worst shit ever.

Hi, I am FatGiant... glad to know you worst shit ever.

Peace

 

[Vasy]

The boards need a 'misery porn' tag.

 

[flaviopaganini]

I really liked the content, but I'm still curious about the future focus of the VN. Will the protagonist become depressed, and will we have to choose the best partner to help him recover? I was a bit confused about the friend's role. Will he be a second protagonist who might cheat on his wife with the employees? It’s also unclear whether the protagonist is a partner in this company, and how that affects the potential LIs who work there.

MiltonPowers Dessolos Add this game to the backlog. For now, it's not an AVN, but it's an interesting VN.

 

[MiltonPowers]

I really liked the content, but I'm still curious about the future focus of the VN. Will the protagonist become depressed, and will we have to choose the best partner to help him recover? I was a bit confused about the friend's role. Will he be a second protagonist who might cheat on his wife with the employees? It’s also unclear whether the protagonist is a partner in this company, and how that affects the potential LIs who work there.

MiltonPowers Dessolos Add this game to the backlog. For now, it's not an AVN, but it's an interesting VN.

Thanks Mate. I added it to my Todo List.

 

[Boneless987]

It was very hard to reach end of prologue for me. Almost cried it. Well done dev. It seems very promising. That's very rare to find avns like this. My only negative thought is Ella and Maddy parts were very short so we couldn't bond with them enough. If there were more interaction scenes, then story could be more effective and hard-hitting.

 

[Dessolos]

I really liked the content, but I'm still curious about the future focus of the VN. Will the protagonist become depressed, and will we have to choose the best partner to help him recover? I was a bit confused about the friend's role. Will he be a second protagonist who might cheat on his wife with the employees? It’s also unclear whether the protagonist is a partner in this company, and how that affects the potential LIs who work there.

MiltonPowers Dessolos Add this game to the backlog. For now, it's not an AVN, but it's an interesting VN.

yup added it my list as well

 

[dacris69]

Whats the point of this prlogue? Unless you fuck some ghosts in the future