I have a complain/critique about this game. I hope the author will see this. But more important I just want to know if people on this forum agree or disagree with my points. I'll try to be constructive.
It's about the writing, not the story in general just how the dialogues and inner thoughts are written. I'm not a writer, I am shit at anything to do with language and writing, be it my native one or English. And I am a relatively slow reader, but I like reading. So all my complains come from intuition and personal "enjoyment"(how easy is to wack off to it).
It feels like parts of the game the dialogue is dragged on, and stretched with filler. It's just boring to go through it. Same idea is expressed in 3 dialog boxes. And it goes on and on and on. I had couple of examples but I deleted the previous version of the game, with all the screenshots. But to give you an example, is like this:
Dialog1: His dick is so big.
Dialog2: It's big as my arm.
Dialog3: What a monster.
It's a oversimplification. But all 3 express the same idea "bid dick". If you want me to show game examples, ask(I'm lazy). Playing the game I encountered this many times. It didn't add anything. I know repeating the same thought can emphasize the idea. But in porn it kinda feels the opposite, like the idea is diluted, and minus to horny.
Sometimes it works, sometimes it's repeating the same idea by adding additional info. For example:
Dialog1: His dick is so big.
Dialog2: The biggest dick I have seen in my life.
Dialog3: Will this dick even fit.
dialog4: This dick stretched my through to the max.
dialog1 just states the facts. dialog2 adds more info about the character. dialog3 compares and thinks about the future. dialog4 remembers what happened in the past. This one I took from this game too. How good horny dialogue should be. It's just feels like the author sometimes just starts being lazy. I say at least 20% of dialogue can be shortened and made less tedious to read.
This complain is more retarded, but I hate 3-5 words dialog boxes, I hate clicking and clicking again and again. And this game has shit ton of them. But this is just my preferences.
To finish this constructive criticism Ill say what I liked about the game. Felix is a nice written character. Lovable fuckboy student + the teacher. It's a nice combination. We don't really need a stereotypical bad scary guy. How it was in the last game. It feels like the author put a lot of thoughts in him. Still the game isn't finish maybe he still is. its hard to understand more from present content.
I wish in the future we have 2 more perspectives, the students. Daniele and her cuck with the black geek. Should be something interesting to have 4 perspectives instead of 2, this is something I never seen in a game like this. and they can mingle and intertwine with each others routes.
It's about the writing, not the story in general just how the dialogues and inner thoughts are written. I'm not a writer, I am shit at anything to do with language and writing, be it my native one or English. And I am a relatively slow reader, but I like reading. So all my complains come from intuition and personal "enjoyment"(how easy is to wack off to it).
It feels like parts of the game the dialogue is dragged on, and stretched with filler. It's just boring to go through it. Same idea is expressed in 3 dialog boxes. And it goes on and on and on. I had couple of examples but I deleted the previous version of the game, with all the screenshots. But to give you an example, is like this:
Dialog1: His dick is so big.
Dialog2: It's big as my arm.
Dialog3: What a monster.
It's a oversimplification. But all 3 express the same idea "bid dick". If you want me to show game examples, ask(I'm lazy). Playing the game I encountered this many times. It didn't add anything. I know repeating the same thought can emphasize the idea. But in porn it kinda feels the opposite, like the idea is diluted, and minus to horny.
Sometimes it works, sometimes it's repeating the same idea by adding additional info. For example:
Dialog1: His dick is so big.
Dialog2: The biggest dick I have seen in my life.
Dialog3: Will this dick even fit.
dialog4: This dick stretched my through to the max.
dialog1 just states the facts. dialog2 adds more info about the character. dialog3 compares and thinks about the future. dialog4 remembers what happened in the past. This one I took from this game too. How good horny dialogue should be. It's just feels like the author sometimes just starts being lazy. I say at least 20% of dialogue can be shortened and made less tedious to read.
This complain is more retarded, but I hate 3-5 words dialog boxes, I hate clicking and clicking again and again. And this game has shit ton of them. But this is just my preferences.
To finish this constructive criticism Ill say what I liked about the game. Felix is a nice written character. Lovable fuckboy student + the teacher. It's a nice combination. We don't really need a stereotypical bad scary guy. How it was in the last game. It feels like the author put a lot of thoughts in him. Still the game isn't finish maybe he still is. its hard to understand more from present content.
I wish in the future we have 2 more perspectives, the students. Daniele and her cuck with the black geek. Should be something interesting to have 4 perspectives instead of 2, this is something I never seen in a game like this. and they can mingle and intertwine with each others routes.
- Mar 4, 2020
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It's a matter of taste. I personally love the dialogues and have never been bored with either reading or clicking through them. So it's not constructive criticism, it's simply you stating what you like and don't like in a visual novel. If the writer decided to reduce or change how they write following your suggestion, I for one would not be happy, then at that point what would I do? Maybe I could write a constructive criticism to the dev saying that I personally hate short scenes and I love clicking my sexy mouse.
" Maybe I could write a constructive criticism to the dev saying that I personally hate short scenes and I love clicking my sexy mouse. "
Funny you wrote that. I did that a long time ago, to a game that has 3 dialogue boxes in a sex scene with "AAAAHHHH!!!" sounds.
Being constructive means to express your opinion(be it positive or negative) about something with explanation where you are coming from. Why? When? How? and give examples. So the receiver can more accurately infer, processes, and understand my perspective. Constructive doesn't mean objective criticisms. What different tools should I use to criticize a game besides, idk, MY FEELINGS ABOUT IT?
There is no right answer to this. There will be people that find the dialogues in this game too short. I think Azienda keeps them in good spot, but in general it is better to have too long dialogues because we can skip /skim over, if there is not enough text to get you going there is nothing to be done.
Sentences are kept short during scenes so they are easy to read and don’t take your focus away from the action.
As for why certain things get repeated :
- because audience finds those exciting
- it is something that happens when you cant focus your thoughts and we must remember Sophie is having her brains fucked out
- it has something to do with pacing and yes fillers are needed – notice in some games you have the text filled with sound imitations – TtP doesn’t have those.
- Mar 4, 2020
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You're missing something. Search on the internet and you'll find the various definitions. It's one thing to express your opinion, but constructive criticism should tend toward objectivity, yes. Because the purpose is to improve something, and improving can't be subjective since what is an improvement for one may be a downgrade for another. Improvement is not subjective.
I agree with alot of what you say, I just don't feel as strongly about it. Lately I think Sophie's description of how big and great Zack's dick is has gotten a bit repetitive but at the same time, I think it's just a method to stretch out the scene, and I don't mind it. For example the latest release on the 5th was solid, but wasn't as spectacular as some previous chapters, and partly because of some of what you highlighted. At the same time, I understand they have to stretch this out so I dont entirely blame them, but I am DYING for the perspective of one of the classmates seeing the looks Zack and Sophie are giving each other in class.
To me personally, the classroom and the sneaking around the school dynamic is the hottest aspect of this game/VN.
Azienda did a really good job, I enjoined it a lot to be fair. My so called critique are about "from good to great" kind of. It's just not polished? Writers reread and rewrite and cut or add stuff till the last product. So it felt that some dialogues could be shorter or add some more engaging stuff, instead of repeating the same thought, but I understand that people in general like more dialog then less, I too love that. I read a lot of web novels first drafts from the authors on Patreon, I observed the same "mistake". This thought just poked itself in my head while I was playing and I could not stop thinking and finding examples(i'm salty I deleted all the screenshots with the examples).
For example, where I find really good engaging stuff was, the torture cosplay sex scene, and the handjob cosplay one. It felt like the author was inspired to write that. On the other hand, I had some examples from the sex scene at page 8 the last one.
I don't say it was bad, not at all. It just felt, a bit diluted? The game is great and engaging at majority of the times. But there is minor places where it is good but a bit boring and repetitive.
The short 5 words dialogue box I can live with. I got annoyed at Japanese games that have 3 lines of text full of overwhelming info. So I can't really complain.
I just wanted to give some feedback, because the worst enemy of writers imho are bored readers. Because they will never complain, they will just disappear. So I just wanted to help by commenting on what made me bored. That doesn't mean i am right. That's why I looked for your opinions too.
Define what is "objective" and "subjective". From you, your definition. I don't want to google it and misrepresent your opinions. And we will work with that. I'll start.
Subjective and objective means shit to me. I use these words only because people like you think that objectivity exist. It doesn't. They have little meaning to me. Subjectivity is less info. Objectivity is more info. That's the easiest way for me to conform to your belief that it exists.
And lets be serious, you want me to use objectivity to critique a piece of art as Turning the Page by Azienda? Art is the definition and incarnation of subjectivity and feelings. How can i not talk how I feel about it?
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- Mar 4, 2020
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The problem with your message was calling it constructive criticism. That's what I replied to in my post. Having an opinion is obviously fine and I think every dev likes to read both negative and positive criticisms.
Also yes, total objectivity doesn't exist, there will always be a part of subjectivity, we are not machines, but when criticizing a writer or artist it's not easy to define something as constructive criticism. Imagine if someone says that they'd prefer Sophie with bigger breasts, writing all they think about it and then saying that's constructive criticism. You get my point?
If they put it as a personal opinion or taste is one thing, but make it pass like constructive criticism would be wrong.
"Define what is "objective" and "subjective". For you, your definition. I don't want to google it and misrepresent your opinions. And we will work with that. I'll start.
Subjective and objective means shit to me. I use these words only because people like you think that objectivity exist. It doesn't. They have little meaning to me. Subjectivity is less info. Objectivity is more info. That's the easiest way for me to conform to your belief that it exists. "
You're subjectively giving the status of art to an objectively really common porn game copy pasting every "cliché" that genre can offer...
it's a concept, it's unreachable for humans, in my country judges are receiving formation to remain objective yet justice tends to punish harder ugly people, give lighter sentences to women even lighter if they're good looking. here the criteria is beauty which is often used to define objectivity, people with faces and body having some ratio, golden numbers are supposed to be considered objectively beautiful in all location and in all time. To me, Subjectivity is just you giving an opinion based on what you feel and objectivity means just taking things for facts, no judgment no personal feelings. Knowledge or information has nothing to do with it.
Pure objectivity would be to replace judges by IA and governments as well.
Subjective and objective means shit to me. I use these words only because people like you think that objectivity exist. It doesn't. They have little meaning to me. Subjectivity is less info. Objectivity is more info. That's the easiest way for me to conform to your belief that it exists. "
You're subjectively giving the status of art to an objectively really common porn game copy pasting every "cliché" that genre can offer...
it's a concept, it's unreachable for humans, in my country judges are receiving formation to remain objective yet justice tends to punish harder ugly people, give lighter sentences to women even lighter if they're good looking. here the criteria is beauty which is often used to define objectivity, people with faces and body having some ratio, golden numbers are supposed to be considered objectively beautiful in all location and in all time. To me, Subjectivity is just you giving an opinion based on what you feel and objectivity means just taking things for facts, no judgment no personal feelings. Knowledge or information has nothing to do with it.
Pure objectivity would be to replace judges by IA and governments as well.
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Define "constructive criticism" please then? No trolling here. Just trying to understand you. And what constructive means to you. Because from your comments if feels like NO people can achieve that.
" If they put it as a personal opinion or taste is one thing, but make it pass like constructive criticism would be wrong."
No it wouldn't, because i said it is from my intuition and personal feelings. That's constructive to some level.
1. I had a feeling.
2. I observe where what when and why I had it.
3. I wrote a constructive critique "where what when and why".
How can this not be constructive?? What do you want me to do just write "tis game shat, dont wais time". Is this comment constructive? or mine?
Fuck I didn't want to get in an argument about objectivity and subjectivity. It's the same thing as arguing with religious people about soul. Or atheist about consciousness.
I just want to talk about PORN!! whats your fav game?
- Mar 4, 2020
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Hey, I already tried to explain my point. If it didn't get through it's possible I can't communicate well enough. I said that your criticism was too personal to be called constructive. Just that. The more something is personal, the less it's constructive when talking about drawings or writing. I can't explain it in another way other than this.
Take the L and move of then. Because how personal a piece of art is for me, you and audience is is important to the artist, for monetary or fulfillment and even happiness. Again I am being constructive by being sincere where how when and why I feel about it. And it being personal doesn't invalidate it not being CONSTRUCTIVE critique.
Again we are in the end talking about ART.
PLEASE! EARLY ACCESS IS OUT ALREADY! GAAAAAAH COME ON!! I'VE BEEN SAVING MY JIZZ!
- Apr 1, 2022
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Perhaps you, Bernie, and your jizz are interested in doing some vector calculus for the update?