he is from vanilla team
COME ON WE NEED MORE CORRUPTION /DARK ROUTE games...
more as pregnancy and pregnancy sex , add some tears please too ...and some ahego please T.T
DONT GO TO THE LIGHT NOOOO
- Thread starter BaasB
- Start date
COME ON WE NEED MORE CORRUPTION /DARK ROUTE games...
more as pregnancy and pregnancy sex , add some tears please too ...and some ahego please T.T
DONT GO TO THE LIGHT NOOOO
not really, people like to have strawberry on cake does not mean they like the whole cake full of strawberry.
I also prefer romantic than lewd.
- Jan 23, 2021
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Finally you make some sense man.
That's fine. But I'd say the game has already established its identity, and that's to have a mix of the romantic AND over-the-top excess in terms of both the prose and the lewds. Asking it to be something different than what it is seems pointless. Still, you do you!
- Apr 15, 2019
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If you like to have strawberry on a cake, then choose a cake that mirror your preference. It's pointless and even idiotic to eat a cake full of strawberries and then complain to the baker about how he made the cake instead of....idk...finding another cake that's not full of strawberries.
- Jul 27, 2020
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This is stupid then, you can't buy a cake full of strawberries and ask the baker to remove the strawberries, go look for another cake, or make one that suits your needs, or even order one, don't buy one already made then complain
an apple pie so you don't fight with the strawberries. Ingredients 3/4 Stick Butter at room temperature (68 g) 1/2 Can LA LECHERA® Condensed Milk 1 Piece Egg 1 1/2 Cup Wheat flour 1/2 teaspoon baking powder 1/2 Can LA LECHERA® Condensed Milk 1 Can Applesauce (230 g) 2 Pieces Egg 1 teaspoon cinnamon powder 3 Pieces Yellow apple slices 2 Tablespoons Sugar Let's cook! Base 1. 1.- Preheated oven at 180° C. For the base, beat the butter until creamy, add ½ can of LA LECHERA® Condensed Milk, the egg, flour and baking powder previously passed through a sieve, beat until obtaining a paste with a smooth texture; Cover it with plastic wrap and refrigerate for 15 minutes. With the help of a rolling pin, spread the dough on a floured table and cover a previously greased and floured cake pan. Stuffed 2. 2.- For the filling, mix ½ can of LA LECHERA® Condensed Milk with the applesauce, eggs and cinnamon; Place the apple slices on the base of the cake and pour the LA LECHERA® Condensed Milk mixture. Add small pieces of the dough for the base and sprinkle with sugar; Bake at 180°C for 45 to 60 minutes or until the apples are soft. Offer warm or hot.
Stories with Romance can be nice but for this VN I'm all for more corruption and turning all the woman into your personal sluts. The only thing that maybe could be turned down a little bit, is the MCs obsession with getting everyone pregnant as quickly as possible. But I guess the dev and a lot of people here are into that. Probably wouldn't have much luck with such a suggestion 
- Jun 26, 2018
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It looks like an ad of LA LECHERA®.
In the romantic route he doesn't seem particularly obsessed with getting LIs pregnant. Although maybe it's a matter of perception.Stories with Romance can be nice but for this VN I'm all for more corruption and turning all the woman into your personal sluts. The only thing that maybe could be turned down a little bit, is the MCs obsession with getting everyone pregnant as quickly as possible. But I guess the dev and a lot of people here are into that. Probably wouldn't have much luck with such a suggestion
- Jan 23, 2021
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Development update
I didn't quite get done with all the renders but as good as. There's only about one variation left which I should be able to finish in the next coming days. Then its time for translating. As always, I have quite a bit of text to go through for translating so that can take awhile. After that I still need to do some audio, a few coding things (mainly reworking the scene gallery with code I understand and maybe a build in walkthrough mode), proofreading and finally some bug testing.
There is still quite a bit to do but the biggest chunk of work is done and all in all I'm pretty confident at this point that I won't need more than one more development showcase, meaning the v0.9 release should be next month.
I didn't quite get done with all the renders but as good as. There's only about one variation left which I should be able to finish in the next coming days. Then its time for translating. As always, I have quite a bit of text to go through for translating so that can take awhile. After that I still need to do some audio, a few coding things (mainly reworking the scene gallery with code I understand and maybe a build in walkthrough mode), proofreading and finally some bug testing.
There is still quite a bit to do but the biggest chunk of work is done and all in all I'm pretty confident at this point that I won't need more than one more development showcase, meaning the v0.9 release should be next month.
This is one of the biggest complaints about this VN though. You can have your winding prosaic musings; but its implementation here is amateurish, repetitive, and needless bombastic. I don't have a problem reading long texts. I can read through Hugo, de Balzac, Milton, the Greek epics, etc. just fine. The problem with BaiBai's writing is that he's attempting soaring rhetoric and it's just bad a lot of the time.
He's making a decent attempt at using proper narrative and rhetorical mechanics, but ends up overwriting, being repetitive without it being in service of a rhetorical tool like parallelism or some sort of assonant structure, and if you know anything about proper fiction writing it's just a slog to be subjected to. He should honestly take a few hours out of every day for 2-4 weeks and learn how to use rhetorical devices for effective fiction writing and it would make this whole enterprise a lot more compelling, and probably make the writing process easier on his part.
He should probably also read a couple of Hemingway novels, learn about the utility of concision in fiction, and then explore why you use more explicative modes of writing in fiction to begin with. I know that's a lot to ask for from a smut writer, but he's the one who chose to engage in large amounts of exposition without really understanding what makes exposition work in the first place.
Genuinely couldn't tell if that post was intended to be satire or you were just up your own ass for the first two paragraphs. Sadly, I suspect it's the latter. My goodness. I hope you find what you're looking for.
Meh, I just like analyzing people's writing skills, I just do it incidentally, sometimes I share my thoughts. Doesn't mean I'm up my ass. Not looking for anything except for incest and non-con smut that's well done, thanks for your concern though!
Gosh, I just do not feel the same.
First, I dispute that this is one of the biggest complaints about this VN. I think the biggest complaint people have about this VN is the editing. The writing is riddled with typos, but that has nothing to do with what you're critiquing (the content), and it's something that BaiBai addresses over time (whenever people complain about the editing, they're almost always referring to the most recent stuff).
Second, I find BaiBai's writing to be unironically fantastic. The words he strings together are so evocative, poetic, and unique. I'll grant that some of that "uniqueness" seems to suggest that English is not his first language, but I genuinely love reading his more intimate scenes, and the rest of it is hardly what I'd call a "slog."
I have some mild complaints about the writing, which I'll list here just to be fair.
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Now, you did say "one of the biggest complaints," but I think the three top complaints I most often see would be the editing, the existence of loli content, and the massive honkin' badonkers (which personally, I love). Any other complaints beyond that, I don't see often, and I suspect most people here enjoy the writing as I do.
Maybe I'm wrong, maybe I'm just not noticing these complaints because of confirmation bias. All I can say is your post didn't resonate with me at all, though I respect that you're willing to analyze the writing of an AVN seriously because not a lot of people do.
- Jul 27, 2020
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Maybe. But in that case I think he'd say "one of my biggest complaints." If I'm wrong then of course, disregard half my post.
Was gonna say it could be confirmation bias on my part as well lol, but I've been active only for the last 50 pages or so, so maybe I missed a lot of the earlier criticism as I haven't been super engaged until recently. I am not critiquing the "content" per se; I'm perfectly fine with the story, the reasoning, the motivations of the characters, the pacing, etc. I'm just personally super attuned to the technical aspects of writing, so when I see a lot of repetition, poor implementation of rhetoric, imprecisely used words, poor syntax, among other things, from someone who is clearly trying to do those things well, I want to provide feedback.
To be clear, if this was just your typical basic VN, I wouldn't give a shit. I just know BaiBai stops in here occasionally and I'm invested enough and think his work is good enough that I hope he'd want to improve, even marginally. To be fair, I had pretty strict literature and writing teachers in both high school and college, so I'm probably critiquing things from angles most people wouldn't even think about, so I get why it seems to some people like I'm "up my own ass".
So to reiterate, the "slog" aspect isn't with any of the story or narrative elements, but purely mechanical, syntactical, and rhetorical--all of which can be improved without changing the overall tone, vibe, or pacing of the story.
- Aug 31, 2022
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It's always hard making references to classical literature without appearing like you're up your own ass, even more so when you do it while commenting on the writing of a porn game. Doesn't mean the criticism can't be valid though.
I've read your other posts about the bombast and I have been tempted to respond before but I didn't because I don't feel like I'm in a good position to judge these things. Not only because judging my own writing skills feels kind of weird, but also because I have barely read anything worthwhile in English so I don't have many references to draw from (that aren't porn).
In general I can see your point about the writing being bombast, though I don't agree with this being something bad in and of itself. Your points about the technical aspects of writing besides (as I said, I don't feel like I can judge those) I kind of tend to feel that its a matter of taste. I've read Hemingway and I didn't like it that much, and maybe you wouldn't like Hesse because its too pompous for your taste.
I'm not saying that there aren't point in which I couldn't improve on, there are very likely many of those, but the bombast won't change. I like it when I read it and more importantly I have fun writing it.
You're right, "content" wasn't quite the right word for me to use. But you are talking about word choice and sentence composition, and see, I just think that's something this VN actually excels at (if you can look past some of the quirky syntax). He comes up with ways of putting things that I would simply never think of, and I mean that in the best way.
The "imprecisely used words" is kind of a big part of it. I think he hits close enough to the mark most the time that it's just plain fun to read, and because he uses such a wide array of words, I'm not sure I see the repetition you're talking about.
In any case, we can agree to disagree. I'm just happy to discuss with someone who's respectful, haha.
Hey, thanks for the reply. Another point of clarification, bombast doesn't always refer to word choice--in this particular case, I don't mean it in terms of the particular words you're opting to use; but, again, in a structural sense. At this point my critique would probably be best served by taking a section of your writing and reformulating it to indicate where I think the issues lie.
I've been hesitant to do something like that because I'm not sure it would be well received (not by the forum, I mean you personally), and also frankly, I usually charge a lot for it. If you're open to it though, I'll try to whip something up to see if you think it's useful in conveying what I'm trying to get across, and can be helpful as you plan your writing in the future.
To further clarify yet again, I think your work is good--otherwise I wouldn't be taking the time to drop these walls-of-text. If you look at some of my other posts I've defended it against critiques of the pacing/logic--both of which I think are great and internally consistent. That's why I've tried to make sure my critique is as narrow and precise as possible, but I guess some people are getting the wrong message from it all the same (that I think the whole thing is dogshit, which it's very much not).