VN Ren'Py Onhold Twisted Memories [v0.8b] [BaiBai]

[Master of Puppets]

It's always hard making references to classical literature without appearing like you're up your own ass, even more so when you do it while commenting on the writing of a porn game. Doesn't mean the criticism can't be valid though.


I've read your other posts about the bombast and I have been tempted to respond before but I didn't because I don't feel like I'm in a good position to judge these things. Not only because judging my own writing skills feels kind of weird, but also because I have barely read anything worthwhile in English so I don't have many references to draw from (that aren't porn).

In general I can see your point about the writing being bombast, though I don't agree with this being something bad in and of itself. Your points about the technical aspects of writing besides (as I said, I don't feel like I can judge those) I kind of tend to feel that its a matter of taste. I've read Hemingway and I didn't like it that much, and maybe you wouldn't like Hesse because its too pompous for your taste.

I'm not saying that there aren't point in which I couldn't improve on, there are very likely many of those, but the bombast won't change. I like it when I read it and more importantly I have fun writing it.

I love the writing, I think it's fantastic. It just needs a native speaker proofreader to catch the typos and most blatant non-idiomatic phrases, the writing style doesn't need to change at all.

 

[mentosa]

The only, and I mean the only, serious problem with this game is speed of delivery.
There is still a pretty good chance we are going to get only 3 updates this year, 4 seems to be max.

If 0.9 is in July, we might get 0.10 in what November (?) (even latter if anything unexpected happens).

 

[RG80100]

only 3 updates ? some team (so several people who work on the game) give you only one update per year

 

[shitass1001]

only 3 updates ? some team (so several people who work on the game) give you only one update per year

Pretty sure its just one person, regardless, who cares? it isnt gonna kill someone if the update takes a while.

 

[yoyomistro]

Pretty sure its just one person, regardless, who cares? it isnt gonna kill someone if the update takes a while.

You're misunderstanding them; I did too, at first. They're saying that other games have teams of multiple people that only put out one update a year--but BaiBai is one person and he puts out at least 3. So they're defending BaiBai's pace of work. Which I absolutely would as well, the updates are pretty damn large and substantive.

 

[shitass1001]

You're misunderstanding them; I did too, at first. They're saying that other games have teams of multiple people that only put out one update a year--but BaiBai is one person and he puts out at least 3. So they're defending BaiBai's pace of work. Which I absolutely would as well, the updates are pretty damn large and substantive.

Ah you are right, thanks for correcting me

 

[chunkee]

The only, and I mean the only, serious problem with this game is speed of delivery.
There is still a pretty good chance we are going to get only 3 updates this year, 4 seems to be max.

If 0.9 is in July, we might get 0.10 in what November (?) (even latter if anything unexpected happens).

I prefer quality updates over quantity. having an update every month that adds 1 small update is not great tbh.

 

[ramvivat]

I prefer quality updates over quantity. having an update every month that adds 1 small update is not great tbh.

yeah but each cons have their own pros.
small update - yeah but this give us "sense of pulse" to where plot is ruled.
both - big updte or small update - is good by its own.

 

[RG80100]

3/4 updates per year is perfect. You can go back to the story, you still remember the plot. There are games, for example Ripples (which I love), but the updates are so far apart that I've already restarted 2 times to remember the story...

 

[ogsilence]

Most likely BaiBai also do real job can take into consideration so I'm not complaining

 

[Alandir]

Most likely BaiBai also do real job can take into consideration so I'm not complaining

Yeah I suspect he's german and his subscribestar income doesn't look like it would be enough to live in Germany, especially with its taxes and insurance for self employed people.

 

[misfolk]

Yeah I suspect he's german and his subscribestar income doesn't look like it would be enough to live in Germany, especially with its taxes and insurance for self employed people.

Not unless he lives like the protagonist before his untimely demise.

 

[BaiBai_]

Hey, thanks for the reply. Another point of clarification, bombast doesn't always refer to word choice--in this particular case, I don't mean it in terms of the particular words you're opting to use; but, again, in a structural sense. At this point my critique would probably be best served by taking a section of your writing and reformulating it to indicate where I think the issues lie.

I've been hesitant to do something like that because I'm not sure it would be well received (not by the forum, I mean you personally), and also frankly, I usually charge a lot for it. If you're open to it though, I'll try to whip something up to see if you think it's useful in conveying what I'm trying to get across, and can be helpful as you plan your writing in the future.

To further clarify yet again, I think your work is good--otherwise I wouldn't be taking the time to drop these walls-of-text. If you look at some of my other posts I've defended it against critiques of the pacing/logic--both of which I think are great and internally consistent. That's why I've tried to make sure my critique is as narrow and precise as possible, but I guess some people are getting the wrong message from it all the same (that I think the whole thing is dogshit, which it's very much not).

No need to worry about how I receive things, I can take it. For the most part I don't think its that difficult to see where people are coming from when criticizing things about the game and as long as I don't feel like its in bad faith I appreciate all feedback.

Not unless he lives like the protagonist before his untimely demise.

I'm nothing like the MC, I still got a full head of hair.

 

[dolfe67]

I'm nothing like the MC, I still got a full head of hair.

What a lucky bastard

 

[Small-pp-22]

I'm nothing like the MC, I still got a full head of hair.

Now I hate you

 

[Xythurr]

Bald Supremacy!

 

[Small-pp-22]

Bald Supremacy!

I have a lot of love for my crater

 

[frozenfeet]

BaiBai_
We get to steal Catherine from Aden, Alyvia from Dillan, Hopefully Melena from Leo (Don't really like Leo that much). Will we get to steal Ellie from Zaire? Ellie has those cute little hands and nice full breasts and such a luscious round ass she just looks so delicious , I really hope we can!

 

[Alandir]

BaiBai_
We get to steal Catherine from Aden, Alyvia from Dillan, Hopefully Melena from Leo (Don't really like Leo that much). Will we get to steal Ellie from Zaire? Ellie has those cute little hands and nice full breasts and such a luscious round ass she just looks so delicious , I really hope we can!

Why would you want anything from Melena. She sucks. Her character sucks, she's annoying and she looks worse than pretty much every other LI in the game.
Let Leo have her. They can be annoying together, away from the mc.

 

[horns of giant]

BaiBai_
We get to steal Catherine from Aden, Alyvia from Dillan, Hopefully Melena from Leo (Don't really like Leo that much). Will we get to steal Ellie from Zaire? Ellie has those cute little hands and nice full breasts and such a luscious round ass she just looks so delicious , I really hope we can!

instruction unclear, we get stealing Leo form Melena.