I don't think it's as much about having a lesbian fetish as making the setups more believable. In case you were unaware, most women would feel reviled to have their boyfriend/husband even suggest they should share him with others (just as most men would feel in the opposite).
Besides, lesbian fetish or not most guys don't have a problem with female LIs messing around with girls.
Ask yourself which is more believable:
4 straight men all in a relationship with one girl agreeing to peacefully live together and share her affection..
Or
4 gay/bisexual men in various relationships with each other and one girl agreeing to peacefully live together and share each other's affection..
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Actually I have done a great deal of research into history and harems were in fact accepted and did not include bi-sexual women. There were in very large harems lesbian women in the same ratio as the rest of the population. The Morman religion is the only one currently practicing it in the United States and they have gone underground to avoid prosecution. What changed for western civilization was the Roman Catholic Church. The Roman empire took on Christianity as it's official religion and purged more than half the books from it until it matched what they wanted it to say. They then proceeded to wipe out thousands of years of history which led to the dark ages and stagnation. Their viewpoints on marriage and sex are what we are dealing with today.
Next point is that I have studied how the human mind works and worked in the field putting many, many people into session. In the process I verified what I had learned and much, much more. The myth that women are more likely to be open to bi-sexual experiences and experimentation with the same sex is exactly that, a Myth. It is hardwired into human beings to be heterosexual unless they have experienced certain psychological conditions. This is not to bash anyone's sexuality but to say that I understand where it comes from and I don't judge it because of that. The same goes with fetishes. Most people don't understand why they feel the way they do about certain things but never the less there is always a reason for it. The point is that a woman is as likely to become bi-sexual when in a harem as you are likely to decide to start being attracted to men and want to have sexual relations with them. The normal has always been that women, in order to have protection and stability to raise the children have been willing to share powerful men. Our Western culture attempts to undermine and destroy marriage in order to make populations easier to control has resulted in a lot of indoctrination and misinformation in our education system.
As for your statement about most people don't have a problem with female Li's messing around with girls: You are skewing your viewpoint because of your own fetishes and trying to transfer them to others to justify it. Just accept that everyone is different and the reason to argue about things evaporates.
