You haven't bothered or offended me at all. I want to thank you for the time you invested to write this. To me, the hardest part of writing and publishing my first visual novel was that I got hardly any response at all. Some people seemed to like it, though. And some people thougt it was funny.You say your game has had little follow up. Well, I'm going to give you some reasons why that happened. And I'm going to tell you with total sincerity and, from my point of view, so it's more than likely that I'm not right, of course.
(Este texto está más abajo también en español)
The idea of the game is good and gave rise to many interesting situations, but that hasn't happened, the game is very boring.
The graphics may be better, but that's not so important if you compensate with a good story. There are games that have much worse graphics than yours, but as more things happen in the story and there are more interesting characters than yours, they have had a little more success.
MC only intervenes for some surveys that don't contribute anything to the game and some conversations without interest. The decisions to be taken are neither relevant nor seem to serve any purpose. This makes the player not feel that he is immersed in the game at any time. And to see just what's going on, I'd better watch a movie.
The story itself says nothing. A lot of absurd situations and little else. You needed a story, like all good stories, with an attractive approach, an interesting development and a great ending, but the only thing that exists is a good approach and a very questionable development.
Your attempts at humor are not good enough, your jokes are not funny.
You make too many references to other games, this will make you look very good with your friends, but the player has too much of it. You also address the player too much during the game, either by reminding him of the use of the H or when he should save the game, either by asking for opinions or help for the patreon. The important thing is the story of the game itself, not other games, not your friends, not the keys, or anything that takes you away from the main plot. No matter how much you remind the player of the theme of Patreon, if the story doesn't appeal to them, they won't support you.
It is very rare that an alien who has never had contact with a man knows, by infused science, how to give a blowjob. It is not logical. The sexual awkwardness of the two protagonists could have been used as something fun, but you haven't exploited that enough.
For me personally, the fact that there are few scenes of explicit sex doesn't bother me, female nudes are enough, but many people do. And you should take that into account as well.
The initial idea was for much more, I can think of some ideas, such as telling the story of the two earthlings in Gynè in a parallel way, or that the girls are dedicated to spying on people's sexual activities in brothels, hospitals, companies, or schools, this would give rise to compromising and funny situations? Even if one or more men were kidnapped to study them physically... In other words, more than two girls living surrounded by geeks in a crappy dormitory or an internet exhibitionist in her lover's house.
It is a pity. The game promises a lot in the beginning, but gives very little in the end.
I hope I haven't bothered you or offended you, I just wanted to give you my personal opinion, as a player and as a writer (I write novels, but not visual ones, but the usual ones in ebooks and on paper...hehehe) especially so you don't make the same mistakes in your next game.
And if in your next game you travel with the main characters from motel to motel and from gas station to gas station, without an interesting story, you might not do very well either. Above all, don't forget to give the MC the leading role. It is very important that the player thinks that he is inside the game.
Anyways, thank you very much for your work.
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Dices que tu juego ha tenido poco seguimiento. Pues yo te voy a dar algunas razones por las que ha pasado eso. Y te lo voy a decir con total sinceridad y, desde mi punto de vista, por lo que es más que probable que no tenga razón, por supuesto.
La idea del juego es buena y daba pie a muchas situaciones interesantes, pero eso no ha sucedido, el juego es muy aburrido.
Los gráficos pueden ser mejores, pero eso no es tan importante si se compensa con una buena historia. Hay juegos que tienen gráficos bastante peores que los tuyos, pero como en la historia pasan más cosas y hay personajes más interesantes que los tuyos, han tenido algo más de éxito.
El MC no interviene nada más que para algunas encuestas que no aportan nada al juego y unas conversaciones sin interés. Las decisiones a tomar ni son relevantes ni parecen servir para nada. Esto hace que el jugador no sienta que está inmerso en el juego en ningún momento. Y para ver solo lo que está pasando, mejor me pongo a ver una película.
La historia en sí, no dice nada. Un montón de situaciones absurdas y poco más. Necesitabas una historia, como todas las buenas historias, con un planteamiento atractivo, un desarrollo interesante y un gran desenlace, pero lo único que hay es un buen planteamiento y un desarrollo muy cuestionable.
Tus intentos de humor no son lo suficientemente buenos, tus bromas no divierten.
Haces demasiadas referencias a otros juegos, esto te hará quedar muy bien con tus amigos, pero al jugador le sobra. También te diriges demasiado al jugador durante el juego, ya sea recordándole el uso de la H o cuando debe salvar el juego, ya sea pidiendo opiniones o ayuda para el patreon. Lo importante es la historia del juego en sí, no otros juegos, ni tus amigos, ni las teclas, ni nada que te aleje de la trama principal. Por mucho que recuerdes al jugador el tema del Patreon, si la historia no le gusta, no te apoyará.
Resulta muy raro que una extraterrestre que no ha tenido jamás contacto con un hombre sepa, por ciencia infusa, cómo hacer una mamada. No es lógico. La torpeza sexual de las dos protagonistas podría haber sido utilizada como algo divertido, pero eso no lo has explotado lo suficiente.
A mí, personalmente, el que haya pocas escenas de sexo explícito no me molesta, con los desnudos femeninos me basta, pero a mucha gente sí. Y eso también deberías tenerlo en cuenta.
El planteamiento inicial daba para mucho más, a mí se me ocurren algunas ideas, como contar la historia de las dos terrestres en Gynè de forma paralela, o que las chicas se dediquen a espiar las actividades sexuales de la gente en burdeles, hospitales, empresas, o colegios, esto daría pie a situaciones comprometidas y divertidas... Incluso que secuestraran a uno o varios hombres para estudiarlos físicamente... O sea, algo más que dos chicas viviendo rodeadas de frikis en una residencia cutre o una exhibicionista de internet en la casa de su amante.
Es una lástima. El juego promete mucho al principio, pero da muy poco al final.
Espero no haberte molestado ni ofendido, solo quería darte mi opinión personal, como jugador y como escritor (escribo novelas, pero no visuales, sino de las de siempre en ebook y en papel...jejeje) sobre todo para que no cometas los mismos errores en tu próximo juego.
Y si en tu próximo juego te dedicas a viajar con los protagonistas de motel en motel y de gasolinera en gasolinera, sin una historia interesante, es posible que tampoco te vaya muy bien. Sobre todo no olvides darle protagonismo al MC. Es muy importante que el jugador piense que está dentro del juego.
En cualquier caso, muchas gracias por tu trabajo.
I think you are right in many points. My biggest fault is that I haven't been able to make clear what the purpose of my story was. I didn't want to make fun of naive, slutty girls. Neither did I want to write from the perspective of a male protagonist, corrupting them. Or exploit the feelings of jealousy some people have. I didn't even want to write about aliens. The initial reason why I started writing this, was that I was rather offended by, what I perceive as, double standards in games. It's perfectly normal if a guy fucks every girl around, but girls cannot do that. I've know quite a few women who had a rather wild sex life when they were young, and, honestly, they really did well in the rest of their lives.
I wanted to turn things around a bit. What would happen if girls had the same rights as men in a porn story? What would happen if women would pursue men, rather than men pursuing women. For that I invented some alien women that would look at our society pretty much in the way 16th or 17th century explorers looked at exotic, "primitive" societies. Nat would be the explorer, researching sex, what she thinks is the essence of male/femal interaction. And doing that from a perspective or moral superiority. Gerti is the outsider, finding out about love, but not picking the best guy for it.
So, your suggestions about what might have happened are useful and legit. They might very well have made a more interesting story, but not the story I wanted to tell.
I still think my idea was a good one, but I agree that the execution could have been much, much better. Having said that, if I hadn't done this, if I hadn't taken the risk making and publishing this, I wouldn't have learned what I know now.
My next step in the learning process is finishing it, putting an end to it. So the story will get a proper ending, to be published probably within the next two weeks.